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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old your dc were when you let them go to the park alone?

76 replies

Userwho · 22/04/2018 20:20

Park is over the road from house, less than 2 min walk but you have to cross the road. If you walk 20 or so steps from front door you can see the playground. Road not busy and cars often slow down to let children cross. Lots of children out on their own.

At what age would you let your dc go alone?

OP posts:
stressedoutfred · 23/04/2018 14:47

PS- live in a quiet nice area. No roads to cross

BaronessBomburst · 23/04/2018 14:47

Our park is a similar distance away and DS has been going since he was 7. Most of his school friends are on their own there too, and some have been going since they were 6. He's now 8 and roams around the village with the proviso that he's not allowed down to the main road.

I am in the Netherlands though, which is more like the UK was in the 70s. Children are very much left to get on with it and are far more streetwise. People here do tend to know each other by sight, and children of all age groups play together and know where the other children live, which provides extra security.
And good luck to anyone trying to snatch DS. They'd bite off more than they could chew there. Grin

AjasLipstick · 23/04/2018 16:26

My main concern with a 6 year old would be older children. I'm afraid such a small child would be at risk of being taken advantage of in various ways or bullied in general.

Shattered04 · 23/04/2018 16:49

We have two quite hectic roads between us and the park ten minutes walk away. DD (11) is the only one of her peers to not be allowed to go down the park, but all her friends live a lot closer!

Given she'll need to cross those roads to get the bus to secondary in September, I've agreed with her that she can go over the summer holidays.

My only concern at all is roads - bullying is something I'd hope she would talk to me about (or she'd be with her friends) and learning to deal with it/anticipate potential trouble without adults around is a good life skill. Child abduction just doesn't figure on my radar especially as I wouldn't let her go without her friends.

pinkhorse · 23/04/2018 17:09

It's about age 10 round here. I'm in a village

Tittybiscuit · 23/04/2018 19:17

DS was about 8 when i let him go to the park. Over one road and up a quiet residential street to the park. There were friends with him quite often and i did used to sneak up a little after him to make sure he was still with friends etc.
Had similar issues to pp about reservations from family, but i know my boy. He's sure in high school in sept so in yr 5 i allowed him to go further afield to where other friends would be that weren't allowed to the park. Those friends weren't allowed out of the street so did wonder if i was doing the right thing, but again, i know my child and his limitations. Id rather that bit further so that hes with others than upto the park to check if friends are there and coming home disappointed to spend more time in front of computer

Thissideof40 · 23/04/2018 20:34

I only let my 9 year old DS go if my 13 year old DD goes with him. Maybe next year I’ll think about letting him go on his own. There is only a small road to cross to get to the park but it’s completely out of sight from our house.

Original poster
Userwho · 23/04/2018 20:43

I do take them frequently. It's 15 mins when I'm cooking dinner that I let them go...it's either that or they watch tv and I know which I'd rather.

OP posts:
stubbornstains · 23/04/2018 20:59

I'm going to start "testing" 8 year old DS soon, with doing things like riding his bike to a friend's 2 streets away, and going to the park (3 minutes' walk away, across a road but we do live in a quiet rural village)for set times- preferably with a trustworthy friend first (one or two of his friends are not trustworthy).

I notice, recently, that several parents of kids his own age have started letting their kids to walk to nearby friends on their own, but alerting the friend's parents that they're on their way, and the same in reverse when they get sent back. This worked very well the first couple of times with a friend's mum who lives down the road.....then came the day we all went to the woods together in the snow, and everybody charged off ahead, leaving me and toddler DS2 to proceed at snail's pace. By the time I caught up with the main body of the group and they told me that DS1 had gone off with friend and her mum, and I'd got to friend's house and the mum had told me "Oh, I sent him back to yours because I thought you'd gone home already!", and I'd dragged a freezing toddler agonisingly slowly back to our house, DS1 had been sitting on the doorstep in 6 inches of snow for about 10 minutes, the very picture of a Dickensian waif. He was very pleased to see us Grin.

hairycoo · 23/04/2018 21:00

Ds1 was about 5 and he used to get out with his friends. We live rural scotland tho and was about 12 years ago. They usually just played in the gardens or on the street. Once when dm was looking after him in the holidays I came home for lunch and asked where he was. She'd let him go with his friends roaming the forest nearby and hadn't seen him all morning. He came back for lunch within 20 mins with a bag full of conkers quite the thing. I was a bit worried but I know it wasn't any different to how me and my friends were growing up. In fact I grew up in a big city and had to use public transport to get to school aged 5 and often walked 20 mins to go to a friend's house. Ds2 is 7 but asd and doesn't get out at all.

MissDuke · 23/04/2018 21:09

Op watching tv or walking alone to the park are their only options? Shock Do you really believe that those of us who don't let small children go alone to the park alone have our children parked in front of the tv all day? Grin

AsTheMilesTheyDisappear · 23/04/2018 21:15

Seven. Its about 100m away though.

Original poster
Userwho · 23/04/2018 21:17

Not at all MissDuke Grin I'm sure loads of other people's dc play happily around the house. Mine don't! They fight unless tv is on or they are outside.

OP posts:
ZX81user · 23/04/2018 21:18

7 ish

celticprincess · 23/04/2018 23:25

The park next to us is full of children this young. The problem is they can fall and hurt themselves or get into scuffles with other children and not have anyone nearby to help the situation. I take my 5 and 8 year olds to the park as it’s just too far for them to go themselves. I get really cross when the young unsupervised children start causing problems pushing and shoving other children, not sharing the swings, using bad language. I also witnessed one of these young children fall from quite a height and had to make sure they were ok without looking inappropriate myself. It’s fine saying the park is just across the road but can they get help if they need it. Never mind the whole stranger danger aspect. Parks can be dangerous. Young children should be supervised. Sorry.

SarfE4sticated · 24/04/2018 00:04

I live in London and my DD 10 would never go to the park on her own. None of her friends do either. The thought of it makes me feel a bit queasy. We do have a sex offender on the loose at the moment, but even if we didn't I wouldn't like it. Jealous of you that can do it though with younger kids.

SinceWhenDid · 24/04/2018 07:11

Our park is a similar distance, or maybe even closer, but with no road to cross. End of cul-de-sac.

Mine kids have going since they were 4 with older friends.

summerinthecountry · 24/04/2018 08:51

Year 6 not before, too young.

summerinthecountry · 24/04/2018 08:52

4 years old?? Shock

Stormyspaniels · 24/04/2018 09:14

No park where we live (tiny village), but my two have been out playing with other kids since 4 or 5 - at first with strict controls on how far from home they could roam, which we gradually relaxed. Now at 10 my oldest will disappear for the whole day, and often goes with friends on walks in the woods, takes his bike to the neighbouring village or hangs out at the farm down the road. He has a phone, so we are able to contact him or vice versa. Surprised at how old many kids are before they are allowed out.

tellitlikeitispls · 24/04/2018 11:13

We started in Year 5 with DS1 being allowed out only if with a friend.
He is now midway through year 6 (turned 11 last month) and allowed out to meet friends and allowed to come home from school and let himself in.
He has to have a means of contacting us on him at all times. We got him a cheap watch phone because he'd put his mobile in his bag and not hear it.

Original poster
Userwho · 24/04/2018 12:12

stormyspaniels is this in UK? Have you seen benefits to your dc going out alone from an early age?

OP posts:
SinceWhenDid · 24/04/2018 12:55

Similar to here StormySpaniels. Mine doesn't have a phone but I know which parents to phone/where to check. Also occasionally have to post on fb "If anyone has seen ds please send him home" Grin

Stormyspaniels · 24/04/2018 13:08

stormyspaniels is this in UK? Have you seen benefits to your dc going out alone from an early age?
Yes, we're in the UK. It's hard to know what benefits I've seen as I don't know any different, but I do think it is great for them. There are quite a few kids in the village, and in summer they often roam from garden to garden, or just play out on the street (which is a tiny road with very little traffic). They are both quite sensible, and to some extent we have taken our cue from them as to what is appropriate (as well as thinking about what we're comfortable with, of course), so when they were younger we kept much closer tabs on who they were playing with, and where they were, and they didn't tend to want to go out for such long stretches anyway, but now the older one in particular is wanting a lot more freedom, and because it has built up gradually, we're pretty laid back about it. I would say it is the norm round here, though I know that in many places it would be a lot more unusual.
We were staying with friends in a city recently, with kids a similar age, and I was much more twitchy about letting the kids go to the shops alone (I did, and it was fine, of course) - I guess it's all down to what you're used to 🙂

Amanduh · 24/04/2018 13:35

I’d never let my 5/6 yo. That’s way too young.
I’d say 10/11in the situation you describe