...or am I being overly sensitive?

[KirbyKane]

DP and I haven't had sex for a while. I'm pregnant (12 weeks) and text him whilst he was out as needed a bit of support. I'd been throwing up due to morning sickness and am exhausted. He text me back asking if it was another excuse to get out of having sex with him. I called him out on this and he text back saying it was a joke, and told me to 'lighten up'. He does this all the time. I need support and he makes a shitty joke that makes me question whether he is being serious or not.

AIBU to be pissed off by this stupid comment? Since I've been pregnant I've felt like I could cry at any moment so can't work out if my hormones are getting in the way or not. It's exhausting being pregnant and having a DP who makes a joke out of absolutely everything.

What a knobhead. YANBU. Any man who nags their pregnant (let alone pregnant and ill) partner for sex is a giant twat.

Sounds like he was being a bit insensitive, but maybe he was trying to make light of it, I don't know.

Hope you feel better soon.

Again, this is all my fault and I'm the one that's being over sensitive. We didn't have sex much for a while before I got pregnant as I was unhappy. Of course we got through this and started having sex and ttc but the lack of sex before was down to me. I now feel this huge pressure to start having sex with him again. Trust me, I want to. This comment just hit a nerve.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If he's decent he will understand.

Sounds like my ex. He’s sulking about lack of sex, blaming you and then pretending it’s a joke and you’re being hormonal when you take it seriously because it was serious. There is truth in every joke. He is making a dig about lack of sex. He needs to man up and actually use his words and have a conversation if he genuinely thinks you are making excuses not to have sex with him. Because that would be an issue if you were and not one that is solved by him refusing to discuss it other than making snide digs under the guise of a joke.

@GreatDuckCookery I did. He told me he doesn't know what to say to me anymore. That I need to lighten up. And now isn't speaking to me.

If I suspected my partner was making up excuses not to have sex with me I wouldn’t be shying away from it and making jokey digs. How would that solve it? He needs to be an adult.

@ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo to be honest the lack of sex before I got pregnant was down to me. I had no support from him, was the only person who did any sort of cleaning around the house, helped to raise his daughter which I still do and felt like I was getting nothing back from him. I didn't refuse sex, it just didn't happen. Not once has he initiated.

Now, the reason we are not having sex is a completely different issue. I am pregnant, have morning sickness, feel exhausted all the time and just don't want to. I feel awful. He needs to forget the lack of sex before and deal with the issues now. I'm not well and just can't deal with sex at the moment.

This all goes in one ear and out of the other.

@ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo we also talked about this, so he knows the reason.

there is truth in every joke

Sadly this is true.

OP he needs to talk to you, and listen to you. Properly, without “jokes”.

So he knows the reasons, and yet is still sulking!! He’s a prick.

@Smeddum I fear that this will all be brushed under the carpet as usual and he will pull the typical 'I don't want to talk about it' and leave everything unsaid.

What do you mean you fear it will be brushed under the carpet? It’s not just up to him!! He doesn’t get to decide that nothing gets discussed. If he does, you have no relationship. That’s not how it works.

Oh OP how awful for you. I know all too well how wearing the constant digs dressed up as jokes and whinging for sex can be. (XH not DP)

That on top of not being well and needing support means he is being incredibly selfish and unfair to you.

For what it’s worth DP and I have periods where it’s weeks without sex. Then weeks where it’s not. It’s life!

@ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo he is impossible to talk to because he genuinely believes that he is in the right and I am in the wrong. We hit a brick wall and it just doesn't get talked about. I am so happy that I pregnant but I hate how I feel and just need to know he's not simply focussed on sex. It's doing my head in.

Pregnancy is so cruel. I need wine, and I'm not allowed wine. Gah!

Does he understand that you’re more than just a hole? I’m sorry, I know that’s incredibly crude but I ended up shouting that at XH when he was constantly badgering me and everything revolved around sex.

difficult for an outsider to say you know his personality and sense of humour .

@rwalker I still think however regardless of sense of humour, under these circumstances that this was a pretty stupid thing to say.

He sounds passive aggressive.

He told me he doesn't know what to say to me anymore.

Tell him that he can say anything that's not a dig, or a complaint, or whining for sex. He can say anything that's supportive, kind and loving. Why doesn't he "know how to do that." ?

for you.

@BalloonSlayer that was almost my exact response so it can't be wrong!!

@UserThenLotsOfNumbers he's just stubborn and short tempered and too proud to ever admit he's wrong.

Little sex, have sex to have a baby, little sex ...

I can see why he's confused, feeling used, full of questions etc.

I’m not sure why you would even want to have sex with someone so childish! What is the attraction?