Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH looking at school mum on FB

51 replies

floatawayonacloud · 22/04/2018 13:50

I feel really shaky and sad but i know also it could be absolutely nothing. I was looking through DH's history to find a holiday cottage page that we had been on a few days ago. Whilst i was there i saw that he had been looking at a school mum's facebook page. When i looked further down, it appears that he visits this page every few days. The weird thing is that there is no history of him looking at anyone else's page, only his cousin's once and a couple of other random people. This mum's page however he visits regularly even though she doesn't post anything very often.

Bit of a back story, he saw this mum on a community fb page and got chatting to her and she added him as a friend on fb (he doesn't have any other mums on facebook but said it would be rude if he didn't accept). He told me this straight away and showed me the conversation. Nothing strange about it. He hasn't talked to her since but has been taking DD to school for the past few months so has been seeing her there, although says he doesn't speak to anyone.

I just feel weird that he's been looking at her page so often (could be even more frequently on his phone). It's also late at night too...quite often 2am in the morning.

We've been through a bit of a bad patch lately and just got back on track so i don't want to say that i've been snooping in his history. Plus if i do say that then he will know that i have access to his things and will delete everything and be more careful. I really want to keep an eye on it before i say anything.

AIBU to think this is weird?

OP posts:
firstevernamechange · 22/04/2018 13:55

Seems he has a crush on her. It happens - even to married men.
I wouldn't be concerned.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2018 13:55

I think your husband's head has been turned. Are you sure they aren't in regular contact?

MaryMandala · 22/04/2018 14:04

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this, to be honest. I don't have Facebook but certainly can't think of any other reason to look at the same man over and over other than due to me fancying the pants off him. Even then, I probably wouldn't... Seems as though he has developed a crush, but the daily profile checks make me think he could be a little infatuated. Not normal behaviour IMHO!

Sonotcivil · 22/04/2018 14:07

It could be totally innocent and you could be making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I constantly check colleagues Facebook accounts to see what they're doing and he could be doing the same. Don't instantly jump to he must be cheating / has a crush just because he visited her page regulary.

Pengggwn · 22/04/2018 14:09

I would be really concerned. Sorry, OP.

Dentalwimp · 22/04/2018 14:12

I do this! Mostly other women's profiles and using fancy them I'm just nosey

Dentalwimp · 22/04/2018 14:13

*I don't fancy them

Foxysoxy10 · 22/04/2018 14:21

Honestly it sounds like he has a bit of a crush.

That doesn’t in anyway mean he would cheat on you.

I wouldn’t be particularly happy about it tbh but I’m not sure it would be worth ruining your marriage over.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 22/04/2018 14:43

I find it far more weird he had to tell you and explain why he added someone on FB and that you look through his things than him being nosey on FB. It seems like there are still very much issues with the relationship.

MistressDeeCee · 22/04/2018 14:44

Looking at her page regularly, and in the early hours of the morning too. He has a crush on her. I wouldn't be happy about it. Especially as he comes across this woman daily in real life also. It's disrespectful. She may or may not know.

People are extremely good at lying to themselves so if you do confront him he's likely to deny, and say you're being silly.

I can think of no reason whatsoever why I'd need to regularly look at a man's FB page and constantly read what he's been up to. I would do it if I fancied him though.

I hope you resolve this OP. It's difficult as he's just looking albeit if it were you over-invested in perusing a particular bloke's FB page I doubt he'd be best pleased or see it as nothing.

Original poster
floatawayonacloud · 23/04/2018 12:12

Arghh...I've messed up. I wasn't going to say anything because i didn't want to embarrass DH, even though i was really sad. However, yesterday i started to blurt out that i wanted to take DD to school from now on...when he asked why, I stopped myself and made some silly excuse up. DH got really cross with me and is still mad at me now...I think he knows the real reason, I think he knows i know. However, i daren't mention it again now as i know he will turn it around and say i was snooping and it wasn't true anyway. :(

I think i'm going to just keep an eye on it....

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 23/04/2018 12:17

I probably wouldn't admit to the snooping, but I would lightly say that "you know so and so that you see at the school, I feel a bit uncomfortable about the facebook friending. I know there is nothing in it but that's how I feel. If he is only lightly flirting he may realise its a dangerous game. If you have had a sticky patch it's understandable to feel insecure, He needs to know that

Original poster
floatawayonacloud · 23/04/2018 12:23

I think that's the issue. We've just come out of a sticky patch and everything was great but now things like this make me feel insecure. Part of me thinks that now he knows i know, it might stop. If it doesn't then i'm going to have to say something, as hard as it will be. It's a difficult one because he hasn't actually DONE anything but look at a profile. I may just end up looking silly :S

OP posts:
OVienna · 23/04/2018 12:28

He got mad because you want to take your DD to school? You've made the right call.

Timefortea99 · 23/04/2018 12:31

I don’t use Facebook but don’t the visited pages know who has visited their page? Won’t she know he has been looking at it at odd times and not think it is odf herself.

Perhsps he was cross because now you have stopped him seeing her in the flesh so to speak. He will have no other opportunity. I don’t think there is anything in this other than an annoying juvenile crush.

caperberries · 23/04/2018 12:42

Good idea taking your dd to school. Try talking to the FB mum, see how she responds to you?

OVienna · 23/04/2018 12:45

Do you know the mum floataway?
I guess you'll find out whether they've been speaking regularly when you start to turn up every day. Are there messages between them?

It feels like he's just enjoying some sort of diversion/entertainment. But given the other things you've said, I'd keep an eye on it and def drop off for the time being. If it's just a crush, it'll wither away.

DerelictWreck · 23/04/2018 12:45

When i looked further down, it appears that he visits this page every few days

How can you tell this on facebook?

liminality · 23/04/2018 12:46

Timefortea99 No, you don't know who looks at your page, but posts from people you interact with show up more in your feed, so she is more likely to see his posts, iykwim?

caperberries · 23/04/2018 12:55

"How can you tell this on facebook?"

The DH probably isn't using the Facebook app

Nanna50 · 23/04/2018 12:59

Do you have a choice who takes DD to school? He could just be annoyed because you have decided to do the school run out of the blue for some silly reason and feels undermined.

I have had countless crushes over the years, I can't not fancy someone else or feel attracted to them or enjoy their company for the rest of my days. If fb had been around in my younger days I may even have stalked them for a little while Blush I'm sure my DH must have noticed sometimes, but it has never led to cheating.

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 23/04/2018 12:59

First of all, you weren't snooping. You legit went in looking for something else and found this.

Secondly, haven being stung by this shitty behaviour, I got the usual "I don't speak to anyone"... which was BS, he was doing way more with this woman and they took the whole thing underground. I am a bit bewildered as to why a school mum he "doesn't speak to" would add a married man on Facebook if they don't talk.

BadTasteFlump · 23/04/2018 13:00

Derelict if you click on Activity Log then on Search History, it will give you a list of everybody you looked up, and when, so presumably this woman's name is coming up a lot on the list.

RandomDreams · 23/04/2018 13:01

I'm another one who wonders how the OP knows how often her husband is visiting a particular Facebook profile, because unless she's using his browser history it isn't possible to know.

pigmcpigface · 23/04/2018 13:02

I honestly think it's best to sit down and have this out, rather than to be in this state of half-knowing, half-not.

It sounds like it might be a crush. My exP would do something similar every few years Sad. It is very hurtful to be on the other end of it - it hurt me almost as much as when he finally actually cheated. It is probably just an effect of the bad patch you've been going through - but if you handle it head-on like and adult and talk it out (with a professional counsellor if need be), it may ultimately make you much stronger.

Swipe left for the next trending thread