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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH looking at school mum on FB

51 replies

floatawayonacloud · 22/04/2018 13:50

I feel really shaky and sad but i know also it could be absolutely nothing. I was looking through DH's history to find a holiday cottage page that we had been on a few days ago. Whilst i was there i saw that he had been looking at a school mum's facebook page. When i looked further down, it appears that he visits this page every few days. The weird thing is that there is no history of him looking at anyone else's page, only his cousin's once and a couple of other random people. This mum's page however he visits regularly even though she doesn't post anything very often.

Bit of a back story, he saw this mum on a community fb page and got chatting to her and she added him as a friend on fb (he doesn't have any other mums on facebook but said it would be rude if he didn't accept). He told me this straight away and showed me the conversation. Nothing strange about it. He hasn't talked to her since but has been taking DD to school for the past few months so has been seeing her there, although says he doesn't speak to anyone.

I just feel weird that he's been looking at her page so often (could be even more frequently on his phone). It's also late at night too...quite often 2am in the morning.

We've been through a bit of a bad patch lately and just got back on track so i don't want to say that i've been snooping in his history. Plus if i do say that then he will know that i have access to his things and will delete everything and be more careful. I really want to keep an eye on it before i say anything.

AIBU to think this is weird?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/04/2018 13:03

Maybe when you look on history it tells you what Facebook pages you have looked at.

SomeKnobend · 23/04/2018 13:03

He's obviously enjoying a wank crush. I think maybe talk to him, not about what you've seen, just about you're feeling insecure and ask him about how he feels about this woman and whether they talk etc. If he asks where this has come from, just say you have a bad feeling, you don't have to specify it came from his internet history.

RandomDreams · 23/04/2018 13:03

Well consider me educated, under activity log the search history is saved.

Mintychoc1 · 23/04/2018 13:04

It sounds as if he's looking at her photos on facebook, if she doesn't actually post much writing. He probably has a crush and likes to look at pictures of her. I wouldn't be happy about this at all.

Idontdowindows · 23/04/2018 13:05

He got angry when you said you wanted to do the school run. Ask him why he's so angry about that.

Fitzsimmons · 23/04/2018 13:06

It's right there in the OP. She was looking at his browsing history to find the link to a holiday cottage.

It does seem suspicious OP. I think you need to talk to him otherwise it will just fester away inside you.

Eliza9917 · 23/04/2018 13:09

I think it sounds like he's wanking over her pictures.

At 2am/early hours.

BadTasteFlump · 23/04/2018 13:11

I agree you should just talk to him OP. But it also depends on what you mean by a 'sticky patch'. Did he cheat before? If so I would be putting my ducks in order before letting on you (may) know anything.

If he's never given you reason not to trust him before, it could well just be a silly crush/nosiness/boredom. I have a nosey at random people on FB when I have nothing better to do - I don't fancy any of them Grin

BadTasteFlump · 23/04/2018 13:11

Ew - is 2 am wank time then? I've clearly lead a sheltered life...

captainBligh · 23/04/2018 13:13

It's perfectly easy to see someone's exact browsing history. In my history Chrome in Windows, you can even see exactly what photos I've looked at.

eg

www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=[lots of numbers] &set=pcb.1002599263225895&type=3&theater

Of course you need to click on the link to follow it but then searching for that exact url will show when it's been visited.

I obviously can't guess about your DH's intentions but can think of several plausible reasons.

When I want to go to AIBU, I type 'AI' hit down and enter. For a while this was not the homepage but a specific thread. My history would have shown me going to the same thread quite frequently.

I also sometimes go to MN by clicking on a thumbnail in the new tab window. This is sometimes not the landing page of a website.

Of course he could have a crush on her but there could equally be non-dodgy reasons.

Eliza9917 · 23/04/2018 13:22

BadTasteFlump

Why else would he be looking at her page at that time? There's been no messages exchanged. He's obviously having a wank while OP is asleep and looking at this woman's pictures while he's doing it.

gillybeanz · 23/04/2018 13:25

sounds like wank fodder at that time in the morning, unless of course it's normal for him to be up at that time.
What's her picture like?

glasshalfsomething · 23/04/2018 13:28

Are you sure her profile page isn’t in his history and everytime he begins to type the FB url, it loads that page; and he navigates away? So it looks like he’s revisiting but in fact it’s just the page the browser is serving?

fruitbrewhaha · 23/04/2018 13:33

glasshalfsomething
Good point, when I type in Amazon, it takes me to a wierd add to my cart page, rather than the home page.

Original poster
floatawayonacloud · 23/04/2018 13:35

It is normal for him to be up at that time. It's not every day but every few days, however he could be looking on his phone too, in which case it wouldn't show up in his history.

No messages have been exchanged since the initial friend add. He doesn't talk to her at school.

I'm just feeling insecure, jealous and really sad. I've never known DH to fancy anyone in real life before and it really hurts my heart :(

OP posts:
deydododatdodontdeydo · 23/04/2018 13:38

If he uses Chrome on his phone, and is logged in, it should still show up in his history.
He's probably browsing her pics. I must admit I've done similar, and not because I'm wanking Hmm or even have a crush, just nosey.
Also, I might be a bit mad if DH just told me out of the blue I could no longer take the kids to school.
And I'd be pretty shocked if people said it was my reaction that was BU.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/04/2018 13:39

I've never known DH to fancy anyone in real life before and it really hurts my heart

I am sure you will now get loads of people saying that it is wrong to fancy someone other than your partner, but I suspect whether they admit it or not plenty of, if not most people do. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less and is usually just harmless.

FairyFuckDailyMail · 23/04/2018 14:03

When I discovered my EXH having an affair I also found out he has been “stalking” her every day on Facebook. There were no messages via Facebook or via what’s app or via text. But his phone bill (pre-pay) showed over 300 messages to one number in a 24hr period. My number came up twice cos he called me and we mostly chatted on what’s app.

Also via the Facebook App you can go to Activity Log and see every single search you’ve ever made. He searched her name every day. I caught him one day and he fobbed me off and it wasn’t after a few days that I discovered the affair that I realised it was her that he was stalking.

Go with your gut OP. x

Foxysoxy10 · 23/04/2018 14:32

You need to chat to him about it!

It’s really unfair you are feeling sad and carrying the issue with you all the time.

If you can both hash it out you will feel so much better and your DH will understand why you are sad and maybe being off with him.

BadTasteFlump · 23/04/2018 14:33

I've never known DH to fancy anyone in real life before and it really hurts my heart sad

Aw op Flowers. But presumably that means he's not cheated before - so the chances are he still hasn't. I would talk to him. Be honest, tell him how hurt you are. If he isn't doing anything he shouldn't, he will be mortified and will be falling over himself to prove there's nothing in it.

Ansumpasty · 23/04/2018 14:34

If it’s every few days even though she doesn’t post, I would presume he’s going on to her page to then click ‘message.’ Sorry!
I could be wrong but that’s what I’d believe

Peakypush · 23/04/2018 14:52

Jesus are the wank comments really necessary?! Talk about making the OP feel even worse than she already does Confused

It could be innocent OP don't despair just yet. glasshalfsomething makes a good point. I'd delete all the browsing history and the saved autofill web pages and say nothing to your DH. Then check it again in a few days. If he's still checking out her page then you know it's done on purpose and can confront him about it. Although I imagine if there was really anything untoward going on he wouldn't do it on the family laptop knowing you can check these things? Unless he's a bit dim when it comes to technology?

Flowers for you OP

LifeEndedIn2017 · 24/04/2018 13:58

Any news OP?

Kittykat93 · 24/04/2018 14:12

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Definitely doesn't mean he's having an affair with this woman but he's obviously taken an interest in her for whatever reason. If it was me I'd have to tell him I had seen the history and ask why he's visiting her page so often.

vikingpooboat · 24/04/2018 15:53

When you message on fb it gives you the option to have a secret conversation that deletes automatically and doesn't show up in messages.

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