To ask what's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

[Midge1978]

For me it's keeping the bathroom clean. I don't think I ever saw my mother clean hers but it was always immaculate and rosey smelling. I can't seem to keep on top of the mould monster in mine!

At school it's all about inclusion and every child is important etc. Everyone gets a gold star. Then you grow up and find out that the world doesn't give a shit if you're miserable or lonely or unemployed or struggling on minimum wage.

The sheer relentlessness of parenting. I gave birth to DD1 at 36 so I had a long time to enjoy adult life without responsibility to anyone but myself. I often feel crushed by the relentlessness of being a parent.

That your memory goes to shit as you get older. How do politicians manage to run the country aged 60+? I struggle to remember what was decided at work meetings a week ago and I'm only 43.

Also decorating. I knew I'd have to decorate my house when I bought it but now I've lived here 13 years it all needs doing again . In my head it's all new.

And definitely diet and exercise. When I was a feminist 18yo I thought women who ate salad were betraying the sisterhood and conforming to men's ideals of women. It's easy to think that when you're a size 10 despite eating crap!

getting my period, shocked the fuck out of me, had one lesson in primary school where they passed around san protection and didnt really explain and that was it.

(i got it in high school luckily, but the whole thing bothered me a lot). it wasnt 'talked about'. my mum still thinks san pro adverts on TV are inappropriate!!

Partner biting my face, children with mental health issues, GPs that tell me to pay for the Priory for my teenager, partner threatening suicide, me getting cancer twice (different types of cancer),my mother selling her home and spending £70K/ year for a posh nursing home overseas, my mother refusing to live near me or her siblings, how much being an only child still sucks, partner spitting on me, my s-i-l phoning me and asking me not to phone my eldest daughter (during my divorce), the shock of applying for an annulment and the worse shock of being awarded an annulment, the list goes on, some of it I can’t print here as it’s confidential

Managing money. My Dad always told me, don't worry, it always comes from somewhere. I think that was the worst piece of advice I ever listened to.

Oops...almost forgot....my abusive ex got my daughter’s senior school to phone me and tell me NOT to go to her Parent’s Evening. That has to be one of the worst experiences ever. He is so charming and manipulative but I still can’t believe that actually happened :-(

Nobody prepared me for the fact that adults are just like the kids at school..there are cliques, in (popular) people, out (unpopular) people, mean girls, bullies..etc etc..somehow, extremely naively I hoped it would be different.

1. Cooking. I don’t like it am no good at it and hate sorting out food, and it never goes right
2. The demanding emotional burden my parents would become when i left home and had my own children. The burning resentment I have towards them

How relentless even just one day of being a mum/adult is.

Prepare food, cook, serve, wash up, sweep floor x 3 times a day.

The worry of bills, health issues, in law and family issues, school, problems with friendships at school, uniforms etc.
keeping the home and car clean.

The uncertainty of being self employed.

Keeping on top of kids needing new shoes, hair cuts, dentist , therapies etc. All the appointments.

Driving them to activities such as swimming, drying them, dealing with other siblings whilst there, parking, grocery shopping, the never ending laundry, keeping the garden and outside area clean and tidy.

Our garden was immaculate growing up but I too rarely remember my parents gardening. Like others here who don't recall the bathroom being cleaned, I think we just didn't notice these things.

Being an adult is exhausting.

Being tired all the time.

@Saracen, best method I’ve found is treat it like a job interview. Advertise job on mybuilder with pics, expectations and rough budget, get them all coming at different times on a sat/sun and ask them all the same questions, listen to what they don’t say as well as they do, tell them your priorities (ie do you need it done quickly no interruptions or is finish the holy grail etc) and ask them to send you the quote via email. Read all reviews on company and go with your gut. If one sends you drawings you like but quotes the earth don’t bother. Still not foolproof, but all I can offer.

Oh - and if it’s something incredibly basic like putting up a shed from a flat pack, clearing a garden etc get a few numbers off gumtree and you’ll get it done much cheaper.

How bloody annoying your kids can be. How much your life isn't your own ever again really and how sometimes that sucks, ( but also how much it's possible to love another Hunan being which I didn't really find out until I had my girls).

Being responsible...for everything and everyone

Parenting, work, running a house, marriage...

Abusive marriage.
Child with S/N
Child with trauma and resulting mental health issues.
No one tells you about the pain and helplessness of trying to comfort a suffering child. Sheer heartbreak.
The exhaustion every day and all day.
Being 100% responsible for someone elses well being.

But also how much joy children bring and how much love.
The bliss of 5 minutes sit down with a cup of tea!

Having a budget. I had no idea and struggled for years to work out exactly how much I had to spend on things. Which sounds ridiculous.

Deciding what coffee to have !

In my parents day it was tea or coffee. Coffee was white or black sugar or no sugar !

Divorce

Urinating on the chair.

Infertility. It never crossed my mind that I would be unable to have children when I was ready to do so.

Parents getting old and ill and what a toll that takes on a person.

That you may never have the answers or have a bloody clue what's going on.

As a teenager I remember reassuring myself that everything would make sense when I was a grown up. I'd know what to do in any given situation and everything would be ok.

Still waiting at 38.

That your DH won't necessarily be a mini clone of your Dad in terms of roles.......my parents were very traditional and mum kept the house nice and stayed home with the kids, dad supported the family and did the house maintenance. It's what I was raised to expect.

As it happens I'm the breadwinner, took 6 weeks off work for DC1 and 8 weeks for DC2, and I don't think DH knows which way up to hold a paintbrush. I've spent this morning scrubbing the decking and painting skirting boards while also making tea for tonight and tomorrow and doing the ironing. Also had to call my dad to ask how to replace a wooden door threshold that has rotted and will be next weekend's job....This afternoon will be starting to paint the kitchen.

Nothing wrong with sharing roles, but I wish someone had told me this decades ago - I might have paid more attention to how my dad fixed the car, instead of spending summer afternoons learning to darn socks......

Infidelity, Divorce, Fighting for custody of a child