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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Body gone to seed. So depressed. AIBU?

50 replies

Gonetoseed1 · 20/04/2018 11:25

I know this sounds really shallow, but I'm so depressed about the appearance of my body. AIBU to feel this way? I'm in my mid 50's and always struggled with my weight, though I have managed to lose about a stone and a half over the past few months. However, my BMI is still 36, so still firmly in the obese category. However, it's not even the weight that is depressing me now, but just the general flabbiness and loss of skin tone. I've really noticed it in the past year - previously though I've always been varying degrees of overweight I was also quite firm, and with great legs (though I say it myself). Now the tops of my thighs are wobbly and horrid, and thighs generally are beginning to get that Austrian blind effect, with slight rippling if you know what I mean.

Has anyone transformed their middle-aged body or made big improvements in the way they look What worries me is that it's not just about weight loss anymore, though I'm sure if I lost some more weight and got my BMI into the simply "overweight" category, (which I have calculated would require me to lose a further 2 stone 10lbs) it would improve things. But what else can I do to do to stop the rot? Do i need to take up body building?? If anyone has got any advice or has managed to successfully improve their ageing body I'd love to hear from them.

OP posts:

SaucyJane · 20/04/2018 11:30

I think Diet and exercise are always sensible - they can make a big difference to mental and physical health.

My DM was only 50 when she died. Her lovely best friend, who'd lost her husband to cancer at only 38 (life's a fucking bitch sometimes!) said to me recently that in light of that, now she doesn't really care - she sees each wrinkle and fold as a triumph that she's still here and healthy.

I thought that was a great philosophy and am trying to stick to it as my grey hairs and waistline spread!!

SaucyJane · 20/04/2018 11:32

I'm not saying give up!!! Just be nice to yourself whilst trying

Lunenburg · 20/04/2018 11:38

I found that giving up all sugar, apart from a couple of pieces of fruit each day, reduced my belly & thigh fat and reduced my cellulite.

Original poster

Gonetoseed1 · 20/04/2018 11:50

Yeah, I know that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, and that being healthy is what matters. And of course when you hear about people who don't even make it to 50, it puts things in perspective. So I should appreciate the fact that I am healthy and am often told I look younger than I am. But in the grim grey light of day, looking at myself in the mirror I could weep. Even more so when I think back to when I was in my 20's, with a figure to die for I just couldn't appreciate it at the time. What I would give to have that body now!!! But at the time I thought I was fat (10 stone, so curvy), and was always covering myself up with big baggy jumpers. God, what a waste!
Anyway, I am where I am now, so need to make the best of a bad job. I'm thinking of getting a personal trainer and focusing on weights, rather than cardio, which I think might help the generally saggy body.

OP posts:

LifeBeginsAtGin · 20/04/2018 12:53

You are 50, thats what happens!

Reduce your calories and up your exercise. Or just accept who you are and enjoy your life.

Nobeachbody · 20/04/2018 13:11

life yes I know you are right. It's just got to me this week, I guess cos the sun is out and everyone is baring so much flesh. And mine is so lacking by comparison!

PasstheStarmix · 20/04/2018 13:18

I’m feeling disappointed in my early thirties after pregnancy; I certainly won’t be able to wear low bikini bottoms again due to pregancy stretch marks. Things are not as firm either. I wouldn’t swap my beautiful ds for the world but have found it hard coming to terms with the drastic changes having a baby does to your body. I could cope (alittle) better with the gradual aging process. It’s horrible isn’t it? I guess we’re never happy and every decade we want to be in the one before!

AjasLipstick · 20/04/2018 13:25

OP start walking. I'm 45 and can't BEGIN to tell you how much it's changed my life.

I have lost a stone, firmed up all over and feel so much happier due to the exercise and the being in among countryside more.

I walked only for about 15 mins at first as I was in pain on my knees...as I lost weight, my joints got better and walking was easier.

I was only a stone and a half overweight so still have half a stone to go but it's been less than a year.

I did change my diet but I still have the odd bag of crisps.

Original poster

Gonetoseed1 · 20/04/2018 16:24

Hi lipstick how far do you walk every day now? Given that exercise is a notoriously inefficient way of losing weight, I'm guessing you must be doing a fair bit.

Starmix I sympathise at the damage pregnancy does to your body, though was fortunate enough to escape scot free with no stretch marks after two babies. But I'd love to still be 30 something and have the body I had then. There is now hardly any of my body that I dont feel self conscious about, with the exception of my hands and feet! Even they aren't as nice as they used to be.

OP posts:

PoorYorick · 20/04/2018 17:12

Weights. Do a regular weights class, but talk to the instructor to make sure you're working at the right level. It'll be an utter bitch at first but it'll transform your body. Cardio is good for you but weights transform you.

fussychica · 20/04/2018 17:15

I'm 61. It's increasingly hard work keeping the weight from slowly piling on. I toned up my arms by doing light weights and stretching exercises. I was amazed that one of my very health conscious friends actually noticed. I also play tennis when I can and walk a lot to stop the rot. The more suitable exercise I do the less my knees scream stop! Good luck OP.

AjasLipstick · 20/04/2018 23:14

GonetoSeed about 6-8 miles a day. I walk fast and in all honesty, my diet is extremely good. I don't eat any processed meat, I eat a lot of vegetables and fruit and minimal bread/pasta.

PasstheStarmix · 21/04/2018 07:41

@Gonetoseed1 thanks, you’re so lucky. It’s so annoying because I only gained the appropriate amount of weight and had an average sized baby and still got loads all on my lower stomach. I had a massive bump through and Midwife said I was carrying a lot of water! I am lucky that my stomach tone is good and belly button in tact but the marks are depressing!

PasstheStarmix · 21/04/2018 07:42

And it was after my first so I dread to think what will happen if I’m brave enough to have a second.

AlbertaSimmons · 21/04/2018 07:47

I'm 54 and hate my body. I'm slim, toned with good definition, look good in my clothes and can pass for late forties but my god, underneath it's a mess. My skin is horrible no matter what I do to it, I have awful cellulite and I wouldn't be seen dead in a swimsuit. What I'm saying is there's only so much you can do (and to be fair, quite a lot), but ultimately you are what you are age-wise.

Concentrate on eating properly and exercising (including weight-lifting), get a good haircut and wear good quality clothes. It's shit, I know.

littlebillie · 21/04/2018 08:13

I joined the low carb boot camp last summer and lost 28lb I'm not skinny but feel much better. Giving up must sugar is the best and your body will love you

MaudlinMews · 21/04/2018 08:21

You need to get on a low carb eating plan asap and then start the 30 day shred. You’ll be super fit and lean in no time. Things dont have to fall apart at 50. Look at Liz Hurley.

ItsASairFecht · 21/04/2018 08:25

I understand the feelings expressed here completely. Don't want to add my feelings but just to say that we often holiday in Croatia. Apart from all the other reasons that I love it one reason is the women. Go on the beach there and yes, there are lovely slim, toned women, but there are just as many, if not more, older, bigger, cellulitey, untoned, wobbly, don't give a fuck women..in teeny tiny bikinis not giving an actual toss..nobody stares at them, nobody laughs at them, they are there REALLY living and bloody enjoying it. As a brit I can't live up to that myself, but I think we should..We should learn from them and we really should.

SerenDippitty · 21/04/2018 08:30

I’m 57 and I wouldn’t say I hate my body. I’m a healthy weight (though at th3 top of the healthy range for my height, which is fine as I’m large framed, eat healthily and I exercise (cross trainer and kettlebells) and I still think I look acceptable in a swimsuit. Perhaps I’m deluding myself.

RoderickRules · 21/04/2018 08:30

Liz Hurley is not a typical 50, has had cosmetic work done on face, breasts, teeth and has had access to nutrition and exercise because of wealth.

Let’s not hold the privileged few up as an example.

Justanotherzombie · 21/04/2018 08:33

Forget about how it looks. Focus on what your body can do, it’s wellness and strength. That’s what’s important. Looks will follow.

Original poster

Gonetoseed1 · 21/04/2018 15:33

maudlin funny you mentioned Liz Hurley, I have a bit of a girl crush on her and have been swooning over pix
of her on instagram. My god the woman is perfect and may or may not have had surgery. But she looks bloody amazing. She obviously looks after herself tho has confessed in the past to surviving on about theee raisins a day.

OP posts:

Minkywater · 21/04/2018 15:37

I had that since i was 18. Id say you had a good run!
Seriously, i bet youre being too hard on yourself! Sorry no other advice as im not 50 or in a better shape. Saving up for surgery here.

Minkywater · 21/04/2018 15:41

Lets face it if we had put the same amount of effort and money wed look just as good as A list celebrities.. but we are compating ourselves to people who are a. Paid to look good and b. Can pay their way to looking good.
Good genes and the local gym can only do so much. The result of a great cosmetic surgery is an impossible standard to reach on diet and lifestyle alone when it comes to excess skin and wobble.

CutesyUserName · 21/04/2018 15:51

I'm just past my mid-50s and afraid this is just life. It's going to happen, there is nothing you can do to stop it entirely. However, taking up lifting weights will help with toning and help retain your muscle mass which is lost faster now than ever.

Don't believe the crap about giving up sugar/carbs etc and how wonderful that was for all ills. What that does is restricts calories so you lose weight.

The drop in hormones (oestrogen in particular) at this point in life means that loss of muscle mass is inevitable. The weights and resistance training will help. And before anyone weighs in that you'll end up looking like a body builder, no, you won't. You'd have to go a long, long way down an extreme route of diet and exercise for a very long time for that to happen in the case of an older woman.

Most of all, eat a reasonable diet, exercise doing something you like that is sustainable and try to learn to accept that this is the point in life you are at and to embrace it.

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