Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Everyone is saying what a lovely man Dale Winton was

71 replies

poppetpet · 19/04/2018 19:48

I am wondering how many people told him this when he was still alive? In all honesty do we ever say to other people (I don't mean family) that they are lovely and we really like them? From all accounts Dale was lonely and suffered from depression. Why can't we tell the people that we appreciate them in our day to day lives?

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 19/04/2018 21:41

Loneliness isn't cured by other people saying nice things to you over lunch, and then returning home to their spouses and children while you spend the next fortnight speaking to no one but the bloke in the off-licence.

tobee · 19/04/2018 21:46

Whatever the cause of Dale Winton's death I think it's a natural, but usually futile, reaction when we see someone with depression to try to "solve it" for them.

Also, it's the cruel world of media (tv in this case) where you are flavour of the month/year, whatever, and you are constantly receiving offers to be on prime time bbc 1, doing so many different shows, making a good living, invited to premieres and parties etc etc. Then someone new comes along in management and wants to make a new "star" for a younger generation and the old star is instantly a has been. It must be quite the kick in the pants. The longevity of Ant and Dec is pretty unusual if you think about it. Doesn't look like Dale did anything wrong.

Original poster

poppetpet · 19/04/2018 21:52

I know what you're all saying - I remember desperately not wanting to go out, go to work, coming home and heading straight to bed in tears but not wanting to admit it to anyone. I ended up going on nights out feeling so miserable but pretending I was fine. There is no clear cut cause or cure for depression - something which works for one person won't work for another. As in the words of the great Bill and Ted lets just be "excellent to each other" or at least try and be.

OP posts:

Fontella · 19/04/2018 21:54

He apparently had back issues and underwent several surgeries. Also surgery on his knees. If you look at his last interview on Loose Woman he has one shoulder higher than the other and seems to have difficulty turning his head (they sit them in the middle so they have to look from left to right depending on who they are speaking to.

Also in several photographs he seems to be holding himself awkwardly - also indicative of back issues.

I think he was in a lot of pain. Not saying that's the reason he killed himself but if you are depressed, lonely but also in chronic pain with possibly mobility issues and are of course, getting older ... it all adds up.

Very sad indeed, he seemed like a lovely man.

Fontella · 19/04/2018 21:56

Sorry I meant to say 'if' he killed himself. As far as I'm aware, it hasn't been stated anywhere that he committed suicide.

If there are any updates to that, my apologies

Eveforever · 19/04/2018 21:57

I have started to try and tell people close to me how much I appreciate them. Sometimes I think they think it is just words, it's hard to get across that I truly mean what I say.

I've been hiding things from my parents though and this has created a barrier between us that I regret, but I'm going through a difficult period and I don't think they could handle the truth about my situation. I've been thinking hard about how I can make things up to them. Hopefully it's never too late.

Midthreademergencynamechange · 19/04/2018 21:59

I think some people will never get through their depression and if they feel that leaving this life is the best thing for them, then let them go. Lots of us are in favour of Dignitas after all.

This is totally aside from any discussion of Dale Winton as the cause of his death hasn't been announced as I understand it.

Original poster

poppetpet · 19/04/2018 22:00

Eveforever you should confide in your parents - they would rather you did this than suffer alone I can assure you. You will be the most important thing in the world to them.

OP posts:

Eveforever · 19/04/2018 22:07

No, my situation is kinda shocking and it's been going on for a long time, so I really don't think I could cope with the truth. I'm trying to access statutory support, but it's not easy getting help in my experience. If they reacted badly, or I made them ill I really couldn't cope with that on top of everything else.

BennyTheBall · 19/04/2018 22:15

I think, if reports are correct, Dale was clinically depressed, so friends affirming his loveliness to him may have been futile.

Btw, I hate the casual use of 'committed' suicide & think it has no place in modern parlance. It's no longer illegal, let's drop the implication and stigma with the use of 'commit'.

PurpleDaisies · 19/04/2018 22:19

I think, if reports are correct, Dale was clinically depressed, so friends affirming his loveliness to him may have been futile.

Agreed, people who are seriously depressed just think people are telling them what they want to hear. Lots of people with clinical depression have lovely caring families. It’s not as simple as yours makinv it out to be op.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 19/04/2018 22:23

*I felt more guilty burdening the counsellor "

Haven't read past this, but had to comment...I hear you.

And sometimes, having people tell you hoe much they love you, need you, etc, can exacerbate the feelings of worthlessness? You secretly think that either they don't knoe the "real" you...the unloveable, worthless you- or you feel guilty for making them feel obliged to say it.

Suicidal thoughts (my own attempt, anyway- I may not be the only one who felt like this) can come from thinking the people who ralley around you when you're In The Zone are better off without that inconvenience. It can almost feel like you're doing them a favor by removing yourself from their lives.

Original poster

poppetpet · 19/04/2018 22:28

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley I hear what you're saying. When I am feeling depressed and suicidal I think that no one would miss me anyway and would get over me very quickly - I know that's not normal.

OP posts:

Original poster

poppetpet · 19/04/2018 22:29

Eveforever unless you've murdered someone I can't imagine what you could have done that would be so bad. Normal loving parents give their children unconditional love - I know I do and nothing would ever change that.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 19/04/2018 22:36

pop I know you’re trying to be helpful, but plenty of seemingly “normal” parents really aren’t.

eve, I hope you get the help you need.

Eveforever · 19/04/2018 22:37

I've not murdered anyone! I do have a chronic health condition that many people frown upon and struggle to understand. My mum in particular has had problems with depression and I think the truth could make her ill and I don't see how it could fail to have a negative impact on our relationship. I just wish I could get some reliable support put in place, then hopefully my life would be easier.

daisychain01 · 19/04/2018 22:37

Steve Allen was definitely a firm and loyal friend of DW for nearly 50 years. He knew him in his teens until his death yesterday and he knew his death was coming. He was in tears this morning talking about him. He often mentioned Dale on his LBC program.

It sounds like DW was a very changeable and colourful character, desperate to be loved and liked, very unhappy with his body image but was a real softie and generous with his time and money.

Sounds like he'd give Steve Allen the run around at times, disappearing off if he got a more interesting invitation. And he was a complete flirt!

He sounded like a lovely person I'd have liked to have given a big hug to!

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 19/04/2018 22:45

The thing is with depression and low self esteem you notice the negatives, rarely the positives. Your mind is playing a twisted bias.

50 compliments and one insult, you will take that one insult to heart.

I've been depressed (well treated for depression) and been on antidepressants since 12.

MissTeri · 19/04/2018 23:09

While I think people could and should be nicer to each other overall I can honestly say it wouldn't help my depression one bit. In fact, in the midst of my depressions, people paying me compliments makes me feel extreme anger towards them because my paranoid thinking makes me think that 1. They're obviously lying to me which turns to 2. Why are they lying to me which leads to 3. They must be secretly mocking me. I can't help the way my brain works when I'm in my big black hole so usually I isolate myself as much as possible because human interaction is just painful for me in so many different ways - people can make a teeny meaningless comment that I will turn over in my brain for possibly weeks looking for meaning that isn't there. Fuck, depression is an evil cruel illness.

Original poster

poppetpet · 20/04/2018 11:11

MissTeri I know exactly what you mean. Thank god for antidepressants - without them I doubt I would be here today.

OP posts:

Original poster

poppetpet · 20/04/2018 11:13

Eveforever I really hope you can get the help you need. Unfortunately I have found that unless someone has suffered a condition themselves - obviously I don't know what yours is - they have very little sympathy - especially in a work place environment. If you are unable to confide in your parents is there anyone else in RL you could talk to who would be able to help you?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3