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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think passport control need a re-think

85 replies

SchoolGateBeta · 19/04/2018 15:39

Over how they treat and speak to unmarried mothers going through passport control with their kids with the father's surname - without the dad. Can they not put both parent's full names on the child's passport?

I have a certain amount of unresolved issues over my name not being given to child and also to not being ever asked to marry. And to be lectured and questioned at passport control adds oil to that particular water, there was no respect given and it seemed acceptable to presume I'm people trafficing and I just had to take how they spoke to me as I thought they could detain me if I say 'please don't lecture me'. Ok I know now have to carry birth certificate when I travel to prove I'm not smuggling children which seems a risk of losing further important documents and upsets me that some common sense, a solution or more tact could be saught.

OP posts:

frankchickens · 19/04/2018 17:04

YANBU OP After the years of queuing looking at notices telling you you can't even use your phone to update the poor folk waiting, you are grilled - totally ridiculous.

I reckon it's some form of quota system. They always single me out for extra security attention when I travel with DD - including an uncomfortable and totally uncalled for extra search for her most recently. My theory is they are expected -to make life extra difficult- to make a closer examination of a certain number of people - and they pick people who they think are least likely to complain.

Airport security and passport control in the UK is utterly shit and miserable.

CardinalSin · 19/04/2018 17:10

I've often wondered what information comes up when they scan your passport. If it doesn't have such basic information as who the child's parents are, and whether or not they are allowed to take them abroad, then why the hell not?!

HildaZelda · 19/04/2018 17:28

OP. do you mind if I ask what airport it was (pm me if you want) Just that I noticed you said it was when you were returning to the UK, not leaving and I know one particular airport abroad where passport control are so rude it's actually unbelievable.

Shutupanddance1 · 19/04/2018 17:33

I think that yes, passports should have both parents name on them but no, passport control aren’t being knobs checking your child is yours.

It would be a different story if your child was leaving the country with a person, never to be returned again. You’d be glad of the controls then.
I’m married and when travelling (I travel lots), I take my DD birth cert even though we have the same surnames. I got more than one copy of it for this reason. I’d expect DH to do the same while travelling with her.

Greggers2017 · 19/04/2018 17:36

Just take the birth certificates. I always have. Simple then

endofthelinefinally · 19/04/2018 17:40

I am sorry you had a bad experience op. But these rules have been in place for years and should be public knowledge. It is to protect children and prevent trafficking. If random checks didn't happen and there was a big scandal around abducted children passport control would be blamed.

Trilogy18 · 19/04/2018 17:46

There is no logic to this though. I have only ever been stopped coming into the UK. i hold a British passport as do each of my children. Surely I am a very philanthropic child trafficker if I traffic strange children from some other country back to their country?

I refuse to give ex twunt the pleasure of refusing to give me a letter and, since the birth certificates were looked at by the passport office in order for the children' passports to be issued, the point that I am their mother was covered then.

I have always just argued the toss on principle. Fortunately my DC are equally stroppy. My daughter may have claimed that we were all complete strangers to her

AtlantaGinandTonic · 19/04/2018 17:47

These rules are also meant to prevent one parent (of one nationality) whisking the children off to another country and stopping the other parent from seeing the children. Some countries have no agreement with the UK to bring back children who have been abducted by a parent, and the parent left behind can't really do much about it. I read once, years ago, of a British father who came home from work to find that his Japanese wife had taken their children to Japan. He never saw them again. :(

backaftera2yearbreak · 19/04/2018 17:49

Funny you should mention this. I was recently on a people trafficking course and this was brought up. Policeman who operated in the airport was bemused by this. He tried to argue it did not happen. Showed him the guidelines on giv website bus he said there is no legal requirement for parents with different names to carry birth Certs for kids

Lweji · 19/04/2018 17:54

Tbh, I think UK border control is too lax regarding children's movements and make it too easy for parental abduction.

Other countries require an authenticated permission from the other parent to leave the country, in addition to proof that you're one of the parents.

And I prefer it that way.

HaroldsSoCalledBluetits · 19/04/2018 17:54

I have the same name as my kids and they were separated from me and questioned by these tossers when we came back into the UK recently. I just assumed that, in common with most border officials everywhere, they were on a power trip.

freshstart24 · 19/04/2018 17:58

Help!

I'm taking DS and a friend to France on the ferry this summer. Obviously DS's friend isn't related to me.

How do I or

freshstart24 · 19/04/2018 17:59

Oops pressed Post too soon...

How do I prove I'm not kidnapping him?

GlitterGlue · 19/04/2018 18:01

He's right as well, as far as I can see. There is guidance, but no legislation stating what evidence must be produced.

I frequently get stopped. Despite dc being the spit of me. I must look like a child smuggler.

Henrysmycat · 19/04/2018 18:05

It has nothing to do with surnames and whatnot and everything to do with stolen kids that one parent takes and moves them to a country nobody can get them back.

foxpink · 19/04/2018 18:10

It's to protect you and your child, carry the birth cert, or a copy of it. Border control have so much to do that you know nothing about, and which you shouldn't have to worry about, if someone else went through with your child I bet you wouldn't be happy then either, u don't realise how common trafficking/kidnapping/taking without permission from mum or dad goes on,
Sorry you were spoken to badly that isn't right, but hopefully you will now take a copy of the birth certificate. It's your child, just put it in the back of the passport, no biggy

HaroldsSoCalledBluetits · 19/04/2018 18:10

And do parents removing children from a parent generally go to Spain for a week and then return home to the UK with them? Because it was when we were returning that my kids were stopped.

Lweji · 19/04/2018 18:12

How do I prove I'm not kidnapping him?

You should carry a permission letter from the parents. As official as possible to avoid hassle.

Sparkyspyro · 19/04/2018 18:12

YANBU but I think there should be actual requirements instead of guidelines.
First time I was asked if I had proof these were my children as we had different names. Pointed out they had both our names so wouldn't have their dad's name either. I had their birth certificates anyway. I did ask if they would have questioned DH the same as if they were targeting women and children this was sex discrimination and he assured me they did (which is fine, his whole line of questioning made me think otherwise!). He recommended we carry a permission form in future (not a legal requirement) which I did next time and was waved through. If I was planning to run away with my children the permission form wouldn't be hard to forge though!

Tomboytown · 19/04/2018 18:18

I have issues with this too. I never changed my name when I married, but my husband died so whenever they start asking these questions I could really do without it. I often end up teary or annoyed. Only ever coming back into the country.
I was told a long time ago to carry his birth certificate, which I do. I now take marriage certificate and my husbands death certificate, in case they ask for letter of authority.
Having both parents names on a child's passport would prevent all of that. You have to put it all in the application, why can't they just print it on the damn passport ?

freshstart24 · 19/04/2018 18:23

It's confusing and needs specific regulation as a previous poster said.

So I'm going to France with DS's who has a different surname and I'll need his birth certificate.

Also taking his friend on holiday with us so I need a letter. What type of letter? I'll sort one but if feels pointless as I could easily have forged it....

DairyisClosed · 19/04/2018 18:26

The name on my passport does not match my children's names. I have never had an issue. I have been asked of course about my relationship to the child, where my husband is etc. But only the standard safeguarding questions I would expect to be asked.

SaintEyning · 19/04/2018 19:03

It was explained to me as potential child abduction as we often visit the ME and SE Asia. People may decide to bring their children with dual nationality “home” to the UK without the consent of the other parent, if the child has been born overseas and has a parent with another nationality. The BC proves that my son was born in the UK to a father living in the same town with the same surname. Now of course that does not preclude us all moving abroad as a family and me and child deciding to return, but it does mean I am not bringing a child into the UK who may have been born elsewhere and whose father may not live in the UK.

Iliketosmile · 19/04/2018 19:17

I had a nice chat with the border control lady at Dover the other week. Returning to Belgium from UK with my children all on UK passports, different surnames. DP didn't come with us as had to work.

How are you related to these children? Here's a copy of their birth certs. Ok thanks.

When are you coming back? (We were in a belgian registered car)
We ARE going back as we currently live there. We've just been visiting my parents.

Oo where do you live? Etcetera.

It didn't bother me in the slightest as she was nice about it and I understand why they have to do it. BUT

Being as I am the one who knows who their friends are, the one they cry for in the night, cooks their favourite food etc.etc. If DP ever took them away on his own (as if) it would make me cross if they didn't also give him the third degree!

lljkk · 19/04/2018 19:20

I have heard about this for years on MN, but never felt it was remotely a hassle to enter UK with my DC of other-surname -- done it many times in last 10 yrs (last time 6m ago). Maybe Heathrow are just more clued up. I answer any questions until they let us thru. I still wouldn't bother to bring birth certificates.

The Americans require parents to personally appear or give notarised permission to obtain or renew a child's passport, is how they address any kidnapping risk.

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