To be upset at family

[FedUpMumma]

NC as outing.

Last year my DH, DS and I went on holiday with my mum, stepdad, brother and dad. (My Mum and Dad are still good friends)

My mother and I had a petty argument about money towards the end of this holiday where she said some things that were so nasty and untrue that it damaged our relationship beyond repair and it's only since Christmas that we have been on speaking terms again.

Fast forward to now... my mother, stepdad, Dad and brother have gone on holiday again to the same place.

Aibu to feel really upset.
I would never have wanted to go on holiday with them again but It feels like they're having fun as their happy little family and I am being punished when I was the one who was hurt and did nothing wrong!

BitOutOfPractice - I have no idea when they booked it, I only found out they were going a couple of days before they actually went.

Slievenamon, OP has no 'right' as such to object to her mum doing this, but given that OP didn't do anything wrong, she is not unreasonable to feel upset and left out.
Even though she totally realises that going on holiday with her again would be a massive mistake, it's still hurtful that her mum didn't ask her. Esp in the light of her mum admitting that the conflict last time was her own fault.

I would be terribly hurt too, OP. Even if your mother didn't think you would want to go she should have been upfront about it and had the discussion early with you. It sounds like she has behaved very badly and been unkind.

I can see how and why you might feel like that, OP - it seems as if, by going on holiday without you, they are demonstrating that they don't care about your opinion or your feelings and they are not sorry about the row.

The thing is, though, by the sound of it, they don't care, and they are not sorry. And that's kind of up to them. You can't do anything about it. So the best thing to do is put it out of your mind.

FedUpMumma people who are emotionally abusive and manipulative rarely change. It's understandable that you want to be close to your mum. It's understandable that you feel hurt to be left out. It's understandable that you are upset that she's scapegoated you over the argument. It's understandable that you are hurt and angry that none of the rest of the family have stood up for you.

BUT.... you need to start accepting what she is and not expecting her to be different. You said she was manipulative and emotionally abusive when you were growing up - well she still is. The period of being nice to you was just part of that manipulation. She's not going to change, and you need to accept that or you are going to be the one who keeps getting hurt.

Personally I'd distance myself from her to some extent. And it also might be worth having some counselling.

Fuck em

DeathStare - that's pretty much where I am with it all.
I have seen a counsellor about it all last year and I know I have to move on but it's easier said than done. 😬
I guess time is the key.

We have done family holidays before and don't have a problem with my DD and son in law doing their own thing with their D.C. surely everyone is there for a nice time. We tend to pay for the accommodation and everyone brings their own spending money. Your mum sounds unhinged.

I would just think of it as a lesson learned and in future do your own family holiday. If you only get a week you don't want it spoilt by rows over money etc. Presumably if your mum pays for your brother (why?) that is why he has gone too.