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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at family

58 replies

FedUpMumma · 19/04/2018 08:41

NC as outing.

Last year my DH, DS and I went on holiday with my mum, stepdad, brother and dad. (My Mum and Dad are still good friends)

My mother and I had a petty argument about money towards the end of this holiday where she said some things that were so nasty and untrue that it damaged our relationship beyond repair and it's only since Christmas that we have been on speaking terms again.

Fast forward to now... my mother, stepdad, Dad and brother have gone on holiday again to the same place.

Aibu to feel really upset.
I would never have wanted to go on holiday with them again but It feels like they're having fun as their happy little family and I am being punished when I was the one who was hurt and did nothing wrong!

OP posts:
supercalifragilisticexpiali · 19/04/2018 09:31

It’s never rational when it’s about something so emotive. The OP May feel ousted from her birth family even though they were jealous and mean to her.

I cant believe your mother moaned about you spending a couple of nights just with your family when she can afford to sun herself for 4 and a half months!

LuckyBitches · 19/04/2018 09:34

YANBU OP. Flowers

It hurts to be left out. My Dad's wife (who I do not call my Stepmother) pulls shit like this all the time. Your mum should have spoken to you about it at least, if only to explain what she wanted to do.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 19/04/2018 09:35

Sounds like your df continues to be a door mat for dm. You have had a lucky escape op. Now you get to enjoy your life without them. Imo. Better than things as they were surely?

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 19/04/2018 09:36

Who pays for your brother? Does he stay there the whole 4 and a half months?

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 09:38

It hurts to be left out....Your mum should have spoken to you about it at least, if only to explain what she wanted to do

This attitude is bizarre. How does it hurt to be left out of something you have no intention of being in? You're not being left out at all, you have chosen not to take part! She is barely speaking to her mother, why would she speak to OP to tell her that they are having a holiday that is nothing to do with OP?

Original poster
FedUpMumma · 19/04/2018 09:39

April - oh you've no idea. My dad is the dictionary definition of doormat when it comes to my mum!

Supercali - my mum paid for absolutely everything for my brother (he has a job and lives independently but very low income so they made a deal to repay her slowly)

OP posts:
ItsNachoCheese · 19/04/2018 09:44

Yanbu at all your money is your money to spend not to keep subbing your family

Original poster
FedUpMumma · 19/04/2018 09:45

It feels like they are having a 'do over' holiday.
I know it's not rational but when are human emotions ever rational?

OP posts:
MadMags · 19/04/2018 09:47

But even if they are having a do-over holiday, why wouldn’t they?

Regardless of the rights and wrongs, your being on the last holiday along with your mother, is what caused the argument and I can’t imagine it was very enjoyable for everyone else!

So as far as they’re concerned, they’ve removed the “problem”. Which sucks but isn’t actually unreasonable, is it?

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 09:47

Are you allowed to be upset? Of course. But do you really want to listen to the loons on here who tell you to never ever speak to any of them again because they are basically Hitler in flip flops?
aibu is not the place for perspective!

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 19/04/2018 09:49

Sounds like what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is theirs.

Get on with your life OP, I know it’s hard. Do you have other family, ILs, aunts, uncles you are close to?

Original poster
FedUpMumma · 19/04/2018 10:01

Madmags - removed the problem? The problem was my mother and the really horrific and vile things she said to me in that argument.

OP posts:
Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 10:05

and what did you say to her? Everyone elses interpretation may well be very different to yours, OP.

Ragwort · 19/04/2018 10:06

You are being incredibly immature to even worry about it, sounds like the holiday didn't go that well, you had a huge argument, you admit you don't want to go with them again - but you are miffed that you weren't invited - why? So that you could have the 'upper hand' by turning the invitation down Confused.

You need to forget about it, plan your own holiday and enjoy it.

End of.

MadMags · 19/04/2018 10:08

I said from their perspective, FedUp!

Ginger1982 · 19/04/2018 10:11

I think you need to let it go. Can you go on holiday this year? I don't think eating out with DH and DS for 2 nights is in any way unreasonable. Are you honestly supposed to stick together like limpets on holiday with family??

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 19/04/2018 10:12

I think it’s the mother enjoy is being immature! Sulking because her daughters family has more money than she does, even though she is paying for another if her children! If she can’t afford to go on holiday for that long at a standard she prefers, she shouldn’t go. Simple.

She did you a favour OP. If she had asked you to go again and you had said no because of the argument, you would have looked like the sulking one!

Let them get on with it.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/04/2018 10:16

I assume it was booked while you weren't speaking?

But yes, I would be upset too

supercalifragilisticexpiali · 19/04/2018 10:18

Sorry about typos, on phone!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 19/04/2018 10:39

I'm with the OP. She is perfectly entitled to go out with her own dh and dc and is under no obligation to finance her parents or stay in with them. As she says, they have had a 4 month holiday, the OP had one week. They weren't all staying in the same appt, paid for by mum, which might muddy the waters a bit. OP presumably paid for her own holiday. Holidaying with family doesn't mean they should all be joined at the hip.

I expect the OP feels like they are all having a do over, without her. I don't know why your mum felt so aggrieved about you going out - it's really not her business.

elsmokoloco · 19/04/2018 10:49

Op maybe if you told us the "vile things". The minimal information just tells us you had a couple of meals out where the family chose to stay at the apartment and you went a bit OT buying clothes for your DC within the week you were all together. That sounds like a very minor thing to have such "vile words" said about you and such an incredible falling out. We must be missing something major.

KarmaStar · 19/04/2018 10:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.
I think your family are and I can see that this has gone from an argument with your mum to feeling hurt and resentful towards your whole family.
Be the bigger person and try not to let this break down your relationship with your family long term.
I hope you and your dh and DS get to have a lovely ho!today of your own🌻

KarmaStar · 19/04/2018 10:56

Holiday!

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 12:21

Iwanna if its not her mothers business what OP does on their holiday, its certainly not OP's business what her mother is doing on holiday now, is it? you can't have it both ways.

Original poster
FedUpMumma · 19/04/2018 13:20

Right this is probably all very outing but what the hell...

I'm pregnant atm so we won't be going on holiday this year and possibly not next year. (Except maybe the odd caravanning weekend)

She called me emotionally manipulative which is basically the exact thing that she is, I'm the most straight forward person there is, you ask me a question and you get an honest black and white answer and I pride myself on that.

She said that I was attacking her in the street when I asked her a simple question about how we were splitting fuel.

There are lots of historic problems with us (because she was emotionally manipulative and mentally abusive when I was growing up) but at that time we had just about got on a decent footing until she lost her mind and started hurling abuse at me.

She did eventually apologise and said she was 100% in the wrong (10 months later - at Christmas) but it was just too late.

OP posts:
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