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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if your partner caught/delivered your baby?

26 replies

TheGherkin · 19/04/2018 07:51

Hello all.

How many people here have had their partners deliver or catch their baby at birth?

Would it be unreasonable to request this?

(As long as everything happens normally and as expected of course - not expecting dad too actually do anything except put it his hands and catch).

What do you think?

OP posts:

nailsathome · 19/04/2018 08:05

My husband did, he loved it.

upwardSpiral · 19/04/2018 08:13

Sounds gross.

He stood by my head shoulders like any untrained or non-medically qualified person should do.

He wasn't boiling water or tearing up flannels either.

Babies are amazing. Giving birth isn't isn't. It isn't beautiful or incredible or really a team game.

DustyMaiden · 19/04/2018 08:17

I did for my DGD, the midwife asked me to. If you both want to then I can’t see why not.

Suebnm · 19/04/2018 08:21

My husband delivered my 3rd baby in the back seat of our car. It wasn't delightful or glamorous.
I made absolutely sure for the last baby he wasn't at the action end as it were.

newshmoo74 · 19/04/2018 08:23

My Mum delivered my daughter while my husband relayed instructions from the emergency call handler. It was an amazing experience for us all.

Original poster

TheGherkin · 19/04/2018 08:27

If it’s not an emergency and we are in hospital as planned do you think there’d be any issue? Would the midwife allow it?

OP posts:

MrsLaurac · 19/04/2018 08:47

I half think its nice, my husband is a scientist so he would see it a lot more of a natural beautiful thing and dare I say it be a little too interested to not! However i have heard stories of it ruining sex lives etc!

BelfastSmile · 19/04/2018 08:52

My husband caught our daughter, when she arrived unexpectedly on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure he'd recommend it! But if you were in hospital with proper trained medical people, that's totally different- or even a planned home birth.

toolonglurking · 19/04/2018 08:59

My husband tried to catch DD but she came out too quickly, even the midwife missed her!
But yes, pop it in your birthplan and if it's possible they should facilitate it.
And I can absolutely say my DH being at the 'business end' has had no negative impact on our sex life, and if it does then I think your DH isn't adult enough to be a father!

Chipsahoy · 19/04/2018 09:01

Dh had caught both of our. First shot out so fast midwife missed and he got him. Second dh had to deliver as birth happened so quickly.
Currently full term with number three and dh fully expects to catch again.

Bambamber · 19/04/2018 09:03

Can't see why not, I gave birth in a birthing pool and the midwife asked my husband if he would like to be the one to pick out baby up out the water as she came out. He politely declined and stayed by my head

Just discuss it beforehand and I'm sure they will try and accommodate it if possible

NoNoCharlieRascal · 19/04/2018 09:05

Dh was in the pool with me and guided ds up to my arms. It was lovely as we all just held each other for a few minutes taking it all in.

Colonelpopcorn · 19/04/2018 09:05

And I can absolutely say my DH being at the 'business end' has had no negative impact on our sex life, and if it does then I think your DH isn't adult enough to be a father!

I agree 100%.
Men that feel differently after seeing their partners give birth don’t deserve to witness it.
Did they really think it was going to be pretty!?

whyIsARavenLikeAWritingDesk · 19/04/2018 09:08

28 years ago but my dad delivered me!
They were in hospital and midwives said Mum had ages to go until I was born so left them to it, 10 mins later I was there just as a midwife opened the door! Can't say anything for them but I'm guessing it wasn't the best experience at the time but looking back I bet they think it's pretty special.

mostdays · 19/04/2018 09:08

DH definitely didn't want to! I caught ds2 myself- home birth with fantastic midwives, delivered standing by my bed, midwife guided my hands as ds2 emerged and let me be the one to catch him. One of the best experiences of my life :).

upwardSpiral · 19/04/2018 09:18

@toolonglurking

@Colonelpopcorn

Why make this all about men?

I didn't feel especially sexy after shitting myself, tearing and whatever else happened during delivery.

Why try and steer this discussion into an area it clearly doesn't need to go?

toolonglurking · 19/04/2018 15:21

@upwardspiral I was responding to a PP who commented on hearing stories of destroyed sex lives, nothing more sinister than that.

Babdoc · 19/04/2018 15:33

It was a good thing my late DH hadn't planned to catch our first DD, as he actually fainted on the floor as she arrived! The paediatrician helpfully resuscitated DH instead of the baby.
DD2 arrived partially paralysed from a cerebral bleed, almost dead, not breathing and with barely a heartbeat, and was having intracardiac adrenalin, IV anticonvulsants and being intubated and ventilated within minutes - DH just kept well out of the way of the crash team.
I think non medical husbands are best kept away from the business end.

Justaboy · 19/04/2018 15:43

I think non medical husbands are best kept away from the business end.

Why ever should that be?. I've been at five births only three of my doing;) the other were those instances where a babe is on the way for someone else!.

And its the most profound thing I think that anyone can be involved in, it was for me a very humbling experence:)

3stonedown · 19/04/2018 15:55

I hadn't even thought of it but they knew DD was going to be a monster and the midwife was worried about getting the shoulders out so I don't think they would have let him anyway. He did have to pass her stuff whilst I was beinf stitched up and saw a lot but never made a difference to our sex life. I think that depends on the partner though, I have friends who's partners are children a bit immature with periods etc

Loyaultemelie · 19/04/2018 15:59

My DH was and would be utterly useless he's firmly in the maintain eye contact camp but I have 'caught' two and cut the cord for a close friend who I had the privilege of being birthing partner for, the first I was actively helping as the midwives were so short staffed and the second was slightly early and I'm a preemie Mum and she wasn't listening to the docs but listened to my somewhat blunter instructions much to the medics amusement as they told me after. (Yes same friend both times).

KT63 · 19/04/2018 16:00

DP did with DS2 but that’s only because he’d just come out of the loo (we didn’t think he’d come so quickly!) and the MW didn’t have her gloves on yet!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/04/2018 16:01

Nope. DH is squeamish. He would not have liked that.

If he had asked then I might have agreed. Or maybe not, it might have given me an extra thing to worry about. But he would never have asked.

He held each baby moments after they were out. He cuddled them while midwives and I dealt with the third stage, got out of the pool and got cleaned up. We were both very happy with that.

PinguForPresident · 19/04/2018 16:04

Midwife view: perfectly happy for partners to catch the baby in a low risk birth where everything is going well. We might go "hands on hands", i.e. stick our hands over theirs so they're less nervous but would talk it through with the parents beforehand. Also the midwife is likely to have a hand down there as well dependent on trust protocol for hands on/hands off delivery of the head.

Midwives should be happy to facilitate parental requests as long as it's safe to do so. And if there's a valid reason why it can't be facilitated, they should discuss it fully with you.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/04/2018 16:08

babdoc is dd2 ok? How horrific for you all.

I can’t think the midwives would have an issue OP if all was straightforward and going well, I wouldn’t build upon it too much however as this thread shows birth can go many ways.

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