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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want another kid at 3 months pp

41 replies

Sk1208 · 19/04/2018 00:48

I grew up having siblings close in age and it felt like we were always a gang facing the world together.

I feel like I wanna be a sahm until the kids are old enough to be independent and i might consider home schooling for a little..

I feel it’s easier for me if they’re close in age and also easier for them as they can play together

But the way contraception is taken super seriously at the 6 week appointment - it sound like having kids this close is a taboo..

Between me and my two siblings is only 11 months from my eldest bro and 18 months from my youngest bro.

I feel like since I’m staying at home, might as well raise them together.. and I would prefer to be pregnant and finish it before my current son is running around needing chasing ..

So how unreasonable is it to try for pregnant when he is just 3 months ? I adore him to bits... completely ... and I wouldn’t want to ignore his needs , it’s just that I think having siblings is an important part of life and teaching them how to play and share is important to me

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/04/2018 01:03

This is a question for your doctor. If they feel you are physically healthy enough to have a successful pregnancy, then the choice is yours.

Battleax · 19/04/2018 01:13

It’s “The Surge” (of nurture hormones). It’s normal but you’re retro-rationalising it. Or at least, it probably is that.

Take, say, three more months to be sure?

and I would prefer to be pregnant and finish it before my current son is running around needing chasing ..

Don’t be so sure. One of mine walked at 8 months (one at 15 months, and can’t remember exactly the more average one).

Kokeshi123 · 19/04/2018 01:15

It's your choice as long as you are physically capable.

I would strongly recommend that you ask around for experiences of mothers and fathers with very closely spaced siblings.

You are probably remembering it as fun because you were a child. Most parents, from their perspective, find the baby and toddler years extremely tough when they have got two or three children born in quick succession.

I don't mean "don't do it" (and yes, it is true that you will get the baby years over and done with more quickly this way), just go into this with your eyes open and be realistic about how hard it is likely to be, otherwise you may have a rude shock.

Homeschooling is a very serious responsibility; unless you are confident about your own education level and your ability to teach your child, you are better off putting your children in school and helping/supplementing their studies at home, IMO.

MoleskinMittens · 19/04/2018 01:47

Do it! If I hadn't had c-sections (and a crap partner the first time round) I'd have loved mine close together. V envious of my friends with 15-18 month age gaps who recently had a lovely 4 days of peace to decorate the house and get lots of undisturbed shagging time while their year 5 and 6 kids went on school camp (small village school, so mixed yeargroup class).

MoleskinMittens · 19/04/2018 01:48

Can't comment on the home schooling though - sounds like my idea of hellBlush

QueenofSerene · 19/04/2018 02:03

If you’re physically and financially able, go for it.

I fell pregnant with my second when I was about 3months PP with my daughter, there’s 12mths and 5 days between them. He’s now 12wks and she’s 14mths and it’s been great so far. She’s a little turbo hurricane and was walking at 11mths so it’s not as peaceful but I never felt like I got “out” of the newborn phase so it hasn’t been a shock to the system like it was with my first and I look forward to them growing close. Even now when he has tummy time she will lie next to him and try and show him how to roll. It’s precious.

Battleax · 19/04/2018 02:08

TBF though Queen you haven’t done the bit where they’re both mobile and both in nappies. That’s what makes it so hard. I celebrated like a loon when #2 was finall out of nappies, after nearly three and a half years of them (more than a year of both of them in them).

Later, after a much bigger gap, I was indifferent to it with #3.

Battleax · 19/04/2018 02:09

Oh and shepherding two toddlers at once, single handed in public parks. That was a bit of a strain.

I can feel a list coming on, now I’m thinking about it Grin

Battleax · 19/04/2018 02:11

But it was also fun. And for age appropriateness of toys, trips etc, it simplified things as they got a smudge older.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 19/04/2018 03:48

I think it’s a great idea if you’re physically able. I’d have liked mine closer together but my period didn’t come back until after 2+ years of breastfeeding. Which is just as well really because then I had twins (which may happen to you Grin). I simply could not have handled the pregnancy if I had to carry my (very big) toddler DS everywhere. 12 months of age(ish) should be ok. They are an insane handful by 18 months though...

Bue · 19/04/2018 03:58

Well it's up to you, but an interval of less than 18 months between births is shown by research to be associated with worse pregnancy outcomes and poorer health outcomes for mothers too.

Original poster
Sk1208 · 21/04/2018 01:32

Thank you everyone , your responses have been valuable.

Will ask my doctor

OP posts:
DoomPoodle · 21/04/2018 01:50

I'd say YANBU. Providing you are fit and healthy. There is a few weeks less than 3 years between my DC1 and DC3. Having children close together may not work for some and will work great for others.

NoFucksImAQueen · 21/04/2018 07:07

I did it. I felt like you did around that stage. It took a few months to convince dh and I was pregnant by 7 months pp. there's 16 months between them. I kind of wish I'd had a smaller gap as in some ways it would have been even easier. For example dd is a winter baby so she'll still start school 2 years after ds2 instead of a year later.
The boys (who are 3 years apart) are both summer babies and I love that. I wish dd had been too

Jessikita · 21/04/2018 09:24

I had a two year and two week age gap and it was hell! I couldn’t leave the house as my hurricane of a two year old couldn’t be contained whilst I fed or dealt with the newborn.
If I had my time again I’d have a closeest gap as possible, just to get everything out the way quickly, as it feels like it has been drawn out. Do what’s right for you .

mimibunz · 21/04/2018 09:25

Can you afford it?

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 10:05

TBF though Queen you haven’t done the bit where they’re both mobile and both in nappies.

I had a 2 year gap which isnt even that small and the two in nappies thing is hard . I chose to wait longer before having a third. They are close now though and I think its a lovely gap. Anything closer though and I believe there might be potential implications for you e
Healthwise so yes speak to your doctor.

My bro and I have 15 months between us and we grow up close but my two have 25 months and they are just as close as we were so I don't think there's much harm in waiting a little longer.

KirstenRaymonde · 21/04/2018 10:10

What does your DH/P think? Does he get a say? You haven’t mentioned him at all.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 21/04/2018 12:20

Does he get a say?

I’m pretty sure the OP’s going to do a lot more than just let him “get a say”. Pretty hard to make a baby by yourself...

Allthewaves · 21/04/2018 12:27

Iv got two years between and they get along so well. It was nice gap as got to enjoy older one as a baby and start toddling and he was a little independent when sibling was born so he didn't need me all the time

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 21/04/2018 12:33

If you got pregnant this second I guarantee you your son will walk at 10 months so scrap that as a reason!

It’s hormones. Enjoy the baby you have without thinking about the next.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 21/04/2018 12:35

I fell pregnant with dc2, when dc1 was 10 weeks old, so there is less than a year between them. I then fell pregnant with dc3 when dc2 was 12 weeks, so almost exactly a year between them and less than 2 years between dc1 and dc3. It really wasn't that difficult, but all of them were good sleepers so I think it may have been a lot harder if I was sleep deprived

purplelila2 · 21/04/2018 15:17

Don't do it!

There is an 15 month age gap between my youngest 2 and when they were both smaller it was awful. Endless cycle of Nappies, crying, washing bottles washing clothes. It was horrible.

Mind you I didn't have any help from family.

Oysterbabe · 21/04/2018 15:23

I have 2 in nappies and have never understood why it's considered difficult?

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