AIBU to want another kid at 3 months pp

[Sk1208]

I grew up having siblings close in age and it felt like we were always a gang facing the world together.

I feel like I wanna be a sahm until the kids are old enough to be independent and i might consider home schooling for a little..

I feel it’s easier for me if they’re close in age and also easier for them as they can play together

But the way contraception is taken super seriously at the 6 week appointment - it sound like having kids this close is a taboo..

Between me and my two siblings is only 11 months from my eldest bro and 18 months from my youngest bro.

I feel like since I’m staying at home, might as well raise them together.. and I would prefer to be pregnant and finish it before my current son is running around needing chasing ..

So how unreasonable is it to try for pregnant when he is just 3 months ? I adore him to bits... completely ... and I wouldn’t want to ignore his needs , it’s just that I think having siblings is an important part of life and teaching them how to play and share is important to me

I totally felt the same at 3 months PP but decided not to go for it as a few reasons made it unpractical (I’d had a CS and we were gearing up for an international move). Fast forward 8.5 months and I am so glad I didn’t do it. I couldn’t imagine throwing a newborn into the mix with a newly mobile 11 month old. I now feel like I may never want another! And I’ve realised with the lovely gift of hindsight that it was my hormones talking and nothing else.

My friend has a 15m gap and advised against it. My doctor was insistent there should be a year between birth and conception. I don’t think newborns are as demanding as older babies/toddlers. I think 18-30m is the worst (so far). When they’re mobile but have no sense.

From experience, the families I know who have done this have regretted it. One family because the siblings don’t get on (16 month age gap) and it was really hard work, and still is because although lots of people say “they’ll play together” it doesn’t always happen. Another family the mum had a horrible time with postnatal depression, as well as trying to cope with a 15 month old walking and a newborn who didn’t sleep through until he was 2.5. Last family, first baby fine, they went for another, he has ended up with serious health problems as a result of mum’s body not recovering enough between pregnancies. Mum also ended up with 3rd degree tear and injuries (again because not left long enough, ie less than 2 years, between births). I honestly don’t mean to scare you, but a lot of people don’t think it through and think a second baby will be just like the first. Often it isn’t and it can have a massive effect on the first few years of life.

I wanted a 4th until my triplets were weaned. Hormones are powerful !!! Thankfully DH brought me to my senses.

I don't consider such a small age gap to be taboo at all. I wouldn't do it as I'm a "prepare for the worst but expect the best" person. So I don't think I'd want to end up a single parent to two so small (found out my ex was cheating when our son was 3 weeks).
And I know all experiences are different but I found the first 5 months or so very easy. They don't really move or do much. Loads harder when they're toddlers!

Well good for you Oysterbabe

It might not be ‘hard’ having two in nappies but it’s definitely easier not to!

Mine are a year and 5 days apart. Totally unplanned. It was a nightmare, absolutely horrible.
I tell all my friends who have a baby yo make sure their contraception is sorted.
My 2 and 6 & 7 now and definitely don’t just play together nicely - never have really.
I resent that I didn’t get a few years alone with my first (girl) and then time alone with my second (boy) while older was at nursery. I didn’t sleep properly for about 4 years - even with DH help. Going anywhere was an absolute nightmare, carting all the baby stuff about etc.

Pros: easier to entertain now as they are similar age - Cinema, trampoline park etc
Both at school together so no multiple school nursery runs.

Cons: loads.

But then some people do have multiple kids close together and make it work and love it.
I just like to say it’s not always like that!

Just another perspective. ..I have twinseveral first DC.

The best thing about it is you get everything done at worst but that is also the worst thing about it. You are so busy with two so young it was difficult to appreciate the good moments, more difficult to bond individually, it passes in a whirl. Sometimes wonder what it would be like to enjoy the one for a while and then have another. I imagine that it would be the same having two singletons so close together.

But pros and cons of close in age or not I think.

twins

And

Everything done at once

New phone.

I had 4 under 5, there was a gap of 13 months and a gap of 18 months in there. Loved every second of it and they are so close. Prefer it to a bigger gap. Xx

Just to throw it in there that if you're bf you may not be able to have such a short gap anyway... I had my kids 2.5yrs-3yrs apart which was what I wanted and in any even pretty much what my body wanted (only had a couple of cycles before getting pregnant again each time, if that)...

If that's how you feel and you think you are healthy and fit go for it.

We are 4 and very close in age, we had good times growing up but also got on each other's nerves a lot. I felt one of my sister is not that healthy due to my mum getting pregnant when oldest one was 3 months. She didn't make the choice and only wanted one child but my father was very old fashion who didn't like contraception.

I would wait at least 9 months to start trying. I couldn't imagine nothing worse than having a baby and a toddler at the same time; but everyone is different and you may have more energy and patience.

Mine are 3.5 years apart and get along well and play together.

Just to add a different perspective - my first 2 are 13 months apart and it was fine, if anything I would say it was an easy gap compared to the more typical gap if 2 or 3 years. They were both fairly good sleepers though and dc1 wasn’t a difficult toddler (dc2 was dreadful though - she still has her moments now, aged 8!). We had a third dc with a 22 month gap - so it can’t have been that bad! They are a little gang, get on generally very well and have similar interests despite being a mix of boys and girls - some of this is obviously down to sheer dumb luck.

At three months postpartum a lot of us are still hormonal as shit, and I wouldn't have been wanting to make such a big life decision as another child then. In your shoes I'd give it another 3 months.

18 months between my two, both walked at 10/11months, both girls generally very “on the go”,determined babies and toddlers, and now primary age. Husband also works away for weeks at a time sometimes.
Wont lie, i was ecstatic when DD2 started playschool, 2 whole hours to myself, finally started to like my pre-children self. It was tough, exhausting and stressful especially shopping with two walking, the tantrums, and just general wilfullness...but they are delightful really, i promise!
Both in school now and im finally ready to consider having another!!
If you’re prepared for the hard work, noooo sleep and being physically exhausted for a couple of years, go ahead!

Ps on the plus side also... they play together really well ( barring the odd scrap) and entertain each other and are now the same clothes size so share clothes