to think inanimate objects are conspiring against me?

[64BooLane]

I took something small from a shelf in my closet. Another small, light thing that had been resting against it fell over sideways. That knocked down a third object, which then somehow knocked down a heavier glass bottle of face serum which wasn’t even anywhere NEAR it FFS and dropped out of the closet and landed on my foot. This kind of thing happens to me a lot.

What I want to say is: fuck you, small annoying items jumping off shelves at me. I’m just trying to live my life. FUCK YOU ALL.

You sound like me! 3 wax burners and two perfume bottles broken in my bathroom thanks to my clumsiness partly.

Bathroom smelt nice for a while though

You are not being unreasonable.

And you are not alone.

The main kitchen cupboard is a hotbed of this type of activity and yet I for some inexplicable reason continue to leave a glass worktop protector on the bit of counter immediately below it. This maximises the clattering when the spice jars come raining down 😖

Anything that can leak when fallen over will attack my feet or fall on the kitchen floor.

Nothing that can be swept up easily and is dry will ever fall or drop, only bottles of laundry liquid, olive oil, washing up liquid, grease from cooking trays or eggs that roll off worktops.

Tins of paint stacked at the end of the run in the kitchen will work loose from the pile with vibrations from the washing machine overnight and fall, lids come off and I find a pool of paint in the morning. They are all out to get me.

Those pigmented bastards, Toad

I currently have a bicycle that is in my way in my flat (not enough for me to put it back where it belongs, clearly) and I constantly think that is conspiring against me because it either falls on me or I catch my jumper on it or accidentally kick it or something, when trying to get by it.

However, yesterday it proved to be a brilliant labrador barrier (she wanted to say hi to my cat, who very much did not want her to say hi) because it got in the poor dog's way just as much as it usually gets in mine! So at least I know the bike is out to get a dog AND me!

Lol you are not alone op it happens to me all the time

Bastard spice jars. I think ours are springloaded. (Also not big enough to get a teaspoon in. Bastards.)

Tie them down, OP or you have have a 'Beauty and the Beast' situation. I think the trick is not to let them rebel.

Spice jars? I feel your pain. Fuck you smoked paprika.

Door handles.
they catch in every single sodding piece of clothing or jewellery i'm wearing.
i could throw 1000 hoops at a door handle and not one would land on it. but i walk past one once, and i'm snagged and almost wrenched off my feet.

As my late DDad used to say, 'a The sheer bloody mindedness of inanimate objects'. He also used to say that umbrellas were 'the invention of the devil'.

Mousetrap mayhem!

Any broken glass will always be found when you are barefoot, even if you’re not in the same room that the glass was broken. No amount of careful and thorough sweeping and cleaning has no affect to the odds of a cut foot.

😂😂😂 at pigmented bastards.
Second vote for door handles. My bedroom door handle somehow caught me by the ring on my finger last week. Cue giant swollen finger and severely mangled ring. I still can’t figure out how it happened

Clothes line prop, loves tripping me up or sliding across to hit me on the head when I turn my back.

Drawer handles like to catch on my cardigan pockets, even door handles which are big enough to miss, surely?

This week I have been attacked twice by the same tin of beans!

Thank God I'm not alone! Decorating at moment and bastarding paint brushes keep leaping out of my hand, bouncing and landing a millimeter outside the paint sheets on the carpets!
Similarly, the Fecking cast-iron radiator unhinged itself from the wall, crept towards me and sat there waiting until I walked towards it in my socks. Result: Broken baby toe which is bloody agony and I can't wear any nice shoes

Bastard spice jars. I think ours are springloaded. (Also not big enough to get a teaspoon in. Bastards.)

This yes, totally yes.
And the pile of rolls of wrapping paper - how is it even possible to stack those so they don't launch themselves at you.
And those bloody cupboard doors that leave themselves open when I'm putting the shopping away so I stand back up and back my head on them.

Drawer handles like to catch on my cardigan pockets, even door handles which are big enough to miss, surely? and totally this, getting yanked back as I dash through a doorway.

Things like this happen to me all the time. Hate it.

This happens to both me and DH, though for some reason he gets the brunt of it. Honestly, I'm sure stuff jumps out deliberately. The most irritating occasion for me was when I tried to get something off the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard and it knocked into a container of hundreds and thousands, which then fell out... well, you can imagine. I was finding those bastard things in cracks and crevices of the kitchen for WEEKS afterwards.

@SeraphinaDombegh I see your hundreds and thousands and raise you....a jar of honey ( ex fiancé mum had bees ) which, when rolled off the worktop, seem to contain about 18 gallons . You can mop until you hate life, but it will still be sticky in the kitchen

And the pile of rolls of wrapping paper - how is it even possible to stack those so they don't launch themselves at you.

I made a long bag with pockets for sellotape and scissors

But I'd did see a hammock made for them aswell

I feel your pain. Inanimate objects HATE me. I swear I'll meet my end in some inanimate object-related way when they finally do me in good and proper. 😡😡

LIke that idea GreenTulips. ta.

I see your hundreds and thousands and your honey I raise you the time hubby dropped the full, open, due to be cleaned, deep-fat fryer on the kitchen floor, as he tripped over the broom I had just got out to clear up the industrial size box of glitter I had just dropped and was about to sweep up.