to think inanimate objects are conspiring against me?

[64BooLane]

I took something small from a shelf in my closet. Another small, light thing that had been resting against it fell over sideways. That knocked down a third object, which then somehow knocked down a heavier glass bottle of face serum which wasn’t even anywhere NEAR it FFS and dropped out of the closet and landed on my foot. This kind of thing happens to me a lot.

What I want to say is: fuck you, small annoying items jumping off shelves at me. I’m just trying to live my life. FUCK YOU ALL.

You can get special door handles shaped so they don't catch in clothes, pockets, bags etc

Called "return to door."

I have knobs.

I opened a cupboard in work one day and a huge ass ledge LAUNCHED itself at me, hit me square in the face and made my glasses topple off.

I was for a few seconds.

Oh and I broke my toe on one of those massive boxes of washing up powder.

Actually physically broke my toe. Who even does that?!

Gave that box a right good glare as I hobbled by so I did.

My pillows and duvet can be utter bastards, at times. They will go for months, behaving impeccably, and then, on the night I go to bed with a headache, the pillows will decide they are full of rocks, not feathers. Or the duvet will pick the coldest night to crawl away, inside the duvet cover, so I am shivering under the empty cover. Does it do this on hot nights? Of course it bloody doesn’t - fibre-filled-fucker.

@hdh747 Jesus! I can’t comprehend how you sort that out 🤯 I’d have sold my house at a loss to avoid cleaning that up!

Let's just say I should have bought shares in a paper towel company and had a swear box the size of a truck @FreddyFasbear - and yes selling up and moving might have been quicker...

Oh my god @hdh747 - how incredibly shit, but I think you do totally win the thread

Seems like a lot of us have broken toes in clashes with the inanimate army. I’ve broken both my little toes (not in the same incident). The pp who broke one on a heavy radiator made me wince - it really really hurts and the footwear limitations are so tedious.

Last month I clumsily gently touched a shelf of the Clinique display at a large branch of Boots and it honestly threw itself to the ground. It was the section with the Take the Day Off cleansing stuff. The pump bottle of TTDO cleansing oil is packaged in glass and shattered, oil and glass everywhere - and they were super busy because there was a GWP on. I apologised endlessly and made a sizeable purchase and they were nice about it, but one staff member who was helping wipe it up totally avoided my eyes and I just knew she was hugely annoyed. Fair enough too.

I broke one toe once and yes it really does hurt @64BooLane - I did mine walking into a door frame, which sounds like an excuse for someone beat me up, but no I did. I remember sitting on the floor howling ow ow ow and thinking, 'this is going to hurt less soon I'm sure, but it hurt like crazy for what seemed like ages'.

It does not matter where I am in the flat, if DH is in the kitchen it's only a matter of time before I here the distant echo of "oh, you fucking bastard" accompanied by an almighty clatter.

I think I might be married to Magneto.

For my party trick, it is usually a case of trying to save something small and/or cheap and breaking something big and/or expensive in the process while still failing to catch the insignificant thing.

I broke my little toe when the toddler step in the kitchen attacked me. That was sore.

Ha ha that made me laugh Salty. I swear a lot at inanimate objects too!