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AIBU?

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Original poster

Offered to babysit and now regretting it!

47 replies

causeimunderyourspell · 18/04/2018 21:22

About 6 months ago, I found out a relative was struggling to find childcare for a certain day of the week if she was put on a certain shift. A day which I don't work. I have 2 DC - 2yo & 3yo DDs and offered to have her LO who was around 10months at the time.

She took me up on the offer and I found it busy of course, looking after 3 such young children on my own but it was ok. Anyway she didn't need me to do it again until last Friday (her dc is now 14m) and has asked me to do next Friday as well and I agreed to both.

Well, last Friday was a fucking nightmare!! Her lo is no trouble at all, he's very easy going, but my 2yo was a different story. She is very loud in general which was scared the crap out of him a few times! She was also extremely jealous and I felt like I spent the whole day telling her off for various things.

I normally enjoy my day off with my los and felt guilty that it wasn't as nice day for my 2yo and I'm absolutely dreading next Friday and any other potential times I may be asked! Would I be unreasonable not to do it anymore or does my 2yo just need to deal with it? I know it's something she'll grow out of and I just don't know what's best really. I don't want to let anyone down but I don't want to spend my day off stressed to the max (well more so then usual!) I'm torn!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 18/04/2018 21:24

Do next Friday as promised but say you can’t do it after that.

Queenofthestress · 18/04/2018 21:27

In all honesty I'd continue to do it, I know it's just a phase but it would help her grow out of it quicker

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 18/04/2018 21:28

Would you give a reason or just be 'busy'? I just feel so bad as I'm fortunate and get help with childcare from family and I wanted to pay it forward but it was just such a nightmare! And through no fault of her lovely lo.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 18/04/2018 21:31

I would keep doing it tbh, otherwise how will your dc learn to behave better around smaller children?

Cuppaoftea · 18/04/2018 21:32

I'd continue, sounds like it's only on an occasional basis anyway?

Quite good for your DD to learn how to behave with the baby and share you a bit really.

Choosegopse · 18/04/2018 21:35

Your first duty is to your own DC and yourself. You’re allowed to have a nice day at home them! Just do the ones you promised but let her know you can’t do anymore. No reason needed, just say you are busy. She shouldn’t expect free childcare for ever and I’m sure she doesn’t.

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 18/04/2018 21:36

I thought about that, she needs to just learn to share but I felt sorry for him that he was scared when she was screaming loudly. I'd comfort him as he was upset and then she'd scream and cry, he'd be scared - I was going round in circles!!!

OP posts:
Fudgesauce · 18/04/2018 21:37

Your little one is only little for a short while, do you want to remember that time being stressed or enjoying your children. Do the Friday as promised, but I would just be honest and say it isn’t working outback anymore.

Barbie222 · 18/04/2018 21:42

Next Friday might be completely different. Hers might kick off. Or all of them. Or none! Don't judge it on one day. Just put some wine in the fridge, prepare for worst but expect the best Smile

Loopyloopy · 18/04/2018 21:50

It might be a good idea to give it one more go. Just because dd had one bad day, it does not mean they will all be like that. Things might also be very different in a few months'time.

scrabbler3 · 18/04/2018 21:51

Give it a few more goes. Things may improve.

category12 · 18/04/2018 21:52

You've only done it twice, first time good, 2nd time bad - you should definitely do the next one you agreed to, and see how it goes. It's nicer weather so you could take them out more and that would probably work better.

MollyDaydream · 18/04/2018 21:54

I'm give it another couple of goes since it's so occasional, but if it's still difficult just tell her the truth, your dd is making it too difficult.

PlumsGalore · 18/04/2018 21:57

So have you only done it twice in four months or am I missing something?

CountFosco · 18/04/2018 22:00

Twice in 4 months so far? She's not asking a lot from you. Do it again, see how it goes and then how long it is till you have to do it again. In another 4 months your DD could behave again. At this age things change quickly.

As someone who doesn't have any free childcare I'd say keep offering if she doesn't ask regularly. The odd day of your 2 year old behaving badly won't affect anyone long term but you're doing something really wonderful for your friend.

TodayImThisName · 18/04/2018 22:07

Try again but tell her that it didn’t go as well as you hoped and that you are going to see how things go. I’d be honest with her.

EasterRobin · 18/04/2018 22:08

I'd give it another go as well. Would it be worth getting your 2 year old to help plan what activities to do with the baby? That might help her feel more involved and less ignored.

And if it's still not working, then there's nothing wrong with telling your friend the truth. Please don't pretend to always be busy or she'll get paranoid and you'll put your friendship at risk.

BewareOfDragons · 18/04/2018 22:10

Prepare your DD this time. Talk to her about helping with the 'baby'. Talk to her about being kind to 'the baby'.

Give it another chance.

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 18/04/2018 22:54

I'm definitely going to do the one I've agreed to - she's not asking much no. We've moved much closer to her now and she's asked for these two days almost straight away so I can see it being a more regular thing now.

I'm not brave enough to take them out - 2 and 3 yo don't go in a pram and I just wouldn't feel in control with 2 toddlers walking whilst pushing a pram. I know many do it, but it's a fuck no from me!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/04/2018 23:00

Like most, it sounds like it's an occasional thing when other circumstances come together, so, on that basis I'd still try to help out. Your 2 yr old is just going through a phase. In 3 or 4 months when she next asks you, she'll be into a different phase.
Plus of course you'll then have favours in the bank for when you want to go out and need a sitter.

Returnofthesmileybar · 18/04/2018 23:03

I would tell her you can do next Friday but not after that, be honest, it's too much, harder than you thought and your dd is jealous and she is your priority. I wouldn't mind a bit if someone said that to me

Atticusss · 18/04/2018 23:14

I would be upfront about your concerns now. Stress her child is no bother it's the impact on yours, but you are worried about him being scared of her behaviour towards him. Then say fingers crossed for Friday. If it is awful again then say that and suggest you only do it in an emergency not as a regular thing. You never know, it might be totally fine next time. I wouldn't let it become a very regular thing though even if next time is fine.

snewname · 19/04/2018 07:14

Just tell the truth and tell her before Friday explaining that you are going to give it another go but you may have to see after that. At least then she can see you haven't given up straight away and have tried your best.

Oblomov18 · 19/04/2018 07:27

It's not the other mums fault that your dd is jealous and being difficult. That needs dealing with, anyway.

category12 · 19/04/2018 07:52

I think you're being a bit of a wuss. Eager to pay it forward up until the point it happens and it's a bit difficult and you need to think of strategies to actually manage the dc. Hmm

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