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Original poster

Offered to babysit and now regretting it!

47 replies

causeimunderyourspell · 18/04/2018 21:22

About 6 months ago, I found out a relative was struggling to find childcare for a certain day of the week if she was put on a certain shift. A day which I don't work. I have 2 DC - 2yo & 3yo DDs and offered to have her LO who was around 10months at the time.

She took me up on the offer and I found it busy of course, looking after 3 such young children on my own but it was ok. Anyway she didn't need me to do it again until last Friday (her dc is now 14m) and has asked me to do next Friday as well and I agreed to both.

Well, last Friday was a fucking nightmare!! Her lo is no trouble at all, he's very easy going, but my 2yo was a different story. She is very loud in general which was scared the crap out of him a few times! She was also extremely jealous and I felt like I spent the whole day telling her off for various things.

I normally enjoy my day off with my los and felt guilty that it wasn't as nice day for my 2yo and I'm absolutely dreading next Friday and any other potential times I may be asked! Would I be unreasonable not to do it anymore or does my 2yo just need to deal with it? I know it's something she'll grow out of and I just don't know what's best really. I don't want to let anyone down but I don't want to spend my day off stressed to the max (well more so then usual!) I'm torn!

OP posts:
Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 19/04/2018 08:03

Well I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want my lo upset?? He's an only child and doesn't attend any nursery or groups so he's not used to the sound level my dd produces!

@category12 'a bit difficult' thank you for your assessment as you were clearly there! Wink

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHippo · 19/04/2018 08:04

I think you should keep doing it as long as it isn't too often. Think about suitable activities in advance and get out of the house if at all possible (use reins?)

deadringer · 19/04/2018 08:05

It's your day off, I think it's a shame it has become such hard work and so stressful for you. I wouldn't do it again if next week is a nightmare again. Yes your lo needs to learn to share etc, but I don't think this is the way to do it, it's too stressful all round. I would tell your friend the truth, it's not working because your lo is a nightmare when her baby is there.

category12 · 19/04/2018 08:06

Well it was more of a response to your total dismissal of the idea of taking them out. You've done it twice, and ready to give up entirely over it going badly once. Hmm

SeaCabbage · 19/04/2018 08:09

Crikey, you've already got a two year old and a three year old and posters are saying you should keep looking after a 14 month old! WTF!

And you can't get out of the house with all three.

No way. You are working, so Fridays are important to you. Your kids may get used to it but crikey, you need to reserve your strength, such as you may have, with two small kids. And not being able to get out sounds hideous.

I would do the next Friday you have promised but tell her now that last Friday was very difficult and you won't be able to do any more. Give her time to sort something out. It really isn't your problem to sort out. Sad but true. Do not minimise - just say her child is lovely (if he is) but it is too much for you.

I think you are lovely to have even tried!

Laiste · 19/04/2018 08:13

I was in a similar situation to you when my eldest was small. 3 DDs, eldest was 5 at the time. My mate asked me to have her DD (also 5) twice a week for a couple of hours after school. What could go wrong? ...

It was bloody awful. Threw my routine and the dynamics of the family out at a stressful time of day. Didn't help that she was a bit of a handful. My own DCs were fed up with it by week 3 and so was i. i agonised how to tell my mate, and had to just bite the bullet and do it.

Give it one more go and see. Then decide. You've given it a go, if it's not suiting you or your own kids then say sorry ect, but no. Your children don't need to be 'taught to share their mother' by bringing in mate's children fgs.

elsmokoloco · 19/04/2018 09:01

OP you are doing someone a favour and are not obligated to keep renewing the favour if you choose not to for ANY reason.

HermioneKipper · 19/04/2018 09:09

I think it’s lovely you’ve tried but I wouldn’t be doing it again in these circumstances. Much too stressful! And if it’s your day off I can understand why your daughter wouldn’t want to share you - it’s good to have some time with your own kids. They need to be your priority

Cuppaoftea · 19/04/2018 10:17

Your children don't need to be 'taught to share their mother' by bringing in mate's children fgs.

This is a relative's child, not a mate and as OP receives free childcare from family herself it's a bit much to say 'nah it's my day off and I just want to chill with my own kids'. I wonder if the relatives who look after her 3 and 2 year old feel a bit stressed when they look after them sometimes?

Yes it's good for the 2 year old to learn to help care for her younger relative and understand she'll have to wait if Mum needs to see to the baby. It's only for a few hours the odd day.

You can manage taking out the three of them together, start off with a short trip. Teach them to walk alongside holding the buggy. If you'll be walking alongside busy roads you could use a wrist strap for your 2 year old so you can turn your back for a moment to see to the baby and she can't disappear!

The baby will get used to the noise of your girls. My middle two were 3 and 21 months when my youngest was born, my 21 month old DS very loud. It was quite funny when my youngest was newborn, she'd start at other loud noises but he could shout right next to her and she'd just turn and gaze or frown at him😀

If you've moved closer you can ensure the arrangement doesn't take over all your days off, agree to some dates and not others if requests become more frequent.

LandofTute · 19/04/2018 10:22

Do the one next friday but say you can't do any more after that as you really struggled. Say it was no fault of her ds but you found it really hard coping with the jealous behaviour of your youngest and it wasn't nice for anyone.

waterrat · 19/04/2018 10:24

Days off with your kids are precious when you work - I used to really look forward to mine - if you aren't enjoying it then don't do it!

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2018 10:27

I'd try it a time or two and then decide. Children are constantly changing at that age so next time may be fine. Also thinking about how often you are prepared to do this favour - if regularly then you do need to be able to get out of the house. Baby in pram, 3 year old holding pram and toddler on reins maybe?

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 19/04/2018 11:35

@Cuppaoftea it's a step sisters lo. My 2 are normally fine, it's the jealousy issue I'm struggling with. My MIL has them for 3 hours one day and my dad and his oh have them 1 day. The rest is nursery apart from Friday when I'm home.

With regards to going out - it's all well and good saying 'teach them to walk alongside buggy' but I can only do that while I'm in the situation. If one of them runs into the road, it's a split second in which I need to react which I don't feel confident I'd be able to do whilst holding onto a pram and another toddler. Perhaps think for a second before you make something that's not simple sound like nothing. I'm not prepared to take that risk with my children end of.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 19/04/2018 13:33

Don't be so bloody rude! I'm not suggesting you do anything that I haven't done or that other parents don't do every day. It was a suggestion only - you are free to ignore it if it doesn't suit your particular circumstances.

Itsnotmesothere · 19/04/2018 14:28

If it's only a favour once in a while, a day inside won't kill them. I wouldn't feel confident either OP, I only have one.

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 19/04/2018 14:47

@BarbarianMum well sorry but I felt it a bit rude how flippant you came across as if it's nothing to take out a 1,2 & 3yo on my own, like I'm just being silly or something?! I said above that I know others do - but it's not something I feel confident doing, at all.

OP posts:
Sammy901 · 19/04/2018 14:49

I’d do this Friday and then just say you can’t do they next one as your busy sorry..

Maybe mention this Friday coming that it’s been a nightmare day in a jokey way and maybe she won’t ask again for a while

SecretIsland · 19/04/2018 14:55

I would do Friday coming and say nothing...and hopefully there will be another 6 month gap before she asks again.

If she asks again soon though, just say then you can't for the minute as your 2 year old takes all your attention but maybe in another few months when the baby is older.

Gunpowder · 19/04/2018 15:26

I’m with SeaCabbage no way should you feel guilty about not doing this! And most two year olds are rubbish at sharing. IME it’s more to do with their personality at that age than being ‘taught,’ some are more placid than others. I reckon understanding sharing/borrowing/lending kicks in at three.

Cuppaoftea · 19/04/2018 16:27

OP is your stepsister the daughter of your Dad's partner? Who has your girls with your Father one day a week. If so I think you'd be very unreasonable not to keep returning the favour by helping her daughter at least on an occasional basis.

If I've got that wrong I still think the situation with the DCs sounds manageable (I had my eldest in juniors at primary when my younger three were that age with school runs along the main road) but it's clear you don’t want to continue so I'd just let them know that after doing one more.

Original poster
causeimunderyourspell · 19/04/2018 16:32

@Cuppaoftea - yes you have that right but they also have her lo as well on other days. I'm impressed you managed so well

OP posts:
Cuppaoftea · 19/04/2018 16:41

So if you say no when she finds she's on one of these shifts will her Mum and your Dad end up having the baby an extra day? They sound wonderful to be caring for your los in turn a few days a week.

Whatever you decide just be honest with your stepsister so she knows if her lo coming to you won't be an option in future.

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