Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Embarrassed about wearing my engagement ring

39 replies

Rainysummersday · 18/04/2018 20:10

This is going to sound very weird as most women can’t wait to boast about their engagements. I’ve always been a private person and never liked people asking me about my private life (unless they are very close to me). I Don’t like being interrogated so usually I keep quiet when it comes to love life information unless someone asks.

We’ve been together nearly eight years and got engaged in November. We went and chose the ring together so there was no fairytale or surprise proposal. He then gave it to me on a day out, and I have been wearing it when we go out and I told my family at the time. However, I still feel too weird to wear it in other situations around acquaintances and colleagues. I feel wearing it would open myself up to lots of questions about the proposal, relationship and obviously the wedding. I’ve seen others get engaged and everyone starts giving them unwanted advice and being general pests.

We have already decided on a very small wedding, possibly with just the two of us. So another awkward thing would be of people assume they’re invited when we are probably not inviting anyone!

Is it very weird to be worried about wearing the ring? Has anyone elses felt this way?

OP posts:

NetVolume · 18/04/2018 20:13

Does sound a little weird. Do you want to get married?

Original poster

Rainysummersday · 18/04/2018 20:14

I do want to get married but I don’t want a big wedding :/

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 18/04/2018 20:15

It's entirely up to you. Just say 'small wedding, no fuss' and repeat.

Pigpigpig · 18/04/2018 20:16

Wear it and just shut people down when they ask. I had a friend who would just say “oh, we’ve been engaged for years, that’s me just finally got a ring. The weathers lovely isn’t it”

NetVolume · 18/04/2018 20:16

Okay, I guess not wanting to discuss something could indicate negative feelings about it.

Mamabear1475 · 18/04/2018 20:17

You might think people will ask about the wedding/ how he proposed but in reality they probably wont. If soneone does ask just say you dont know when your getting married. Simple.

TheChiefBMS · 18/04/2018 20:17

I sympathise. I don't like intrusive questioning either. Remember two things. First, you are under no obligation to wear your ring all the time. Second, you are under no obligation to discuss your engagement or wedding plans. If you really want to wear the ring always then have a polite but firm response planned for any questions. Something like "sorry, I prefer not to chat about my private life". It's true and may give you an easier life in future as people will be less intrusive.

windchimesabotage · 18/04/2018 20:17

Just do what feels comfortable to you. You dont owe random people information about your love life. Dont wear it if you dont want to! You know you are engaged and so does your family and close friends.
Congratulations btw!

Felyne · 18/04/2018 20:17

Could you wear it on another finger? Or even on a necklace?

You know yourself what its significance is, which is really all that matters, and people won't see it on the usual finger and start asking questions.

ThePinkOcelot · 18/04/2018 20:18

A little weird yes. But if a waste of money as well really.

ButternutCrinkleFries · 18/04/2018 20:19

Unless it’s massively bling would people really notice you’re wearing an engagement ring? If they ask just tell them you’ve been engaged for a while and are planning to elope. Then talk about the weather or the traffic. It seems a shame not to wear it when you specifically chose it.

Bluelady · 18/04/2018 20:19

Is your fiancé a bit hurt that you won't wear it? I would be.

Buxbaum · 18/04/2018 20:29

Wear it on your right hand.

Cuppaoftea · 18/04/2018 20:30

I did feel a bit like this yes (10 years ago for me now).

I wore my ring to work straightaway but didn't announce it as such, one colleague noticed and asked and I let her tell everyone else It helped me to have a couple of prepared answers to give people.

My colleagues knew me as a very private person, perhaps yours do too? When people ask if you've set a date you could say 'we're planning to get married just the two of us with witnesses, we'll probably tell people after!'

Congratulations

fizzymama · 18/04/2018 20:30

OP I say wear you ring with pride, many couples choose a ring together these days I did and to be honest I don't think i know anyone (female) who didn't have some input. When asked about my proposal- somewhere that meant a lot to us and just the two of us there. Wedding, oh not quite decided - probably relatively small no fuss, not sure when.... in a few days 'hysteria' over your new sparkler over. You can plan your perfect wedding without having to divulge any details. A friend of mine got married only having parents and siblings in attendance- no one else knew she was getting married - we were invited to a birthday party in the evening only to turn up to their evening reception it was very relaxed and a fabulous evening.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 18/04/2018 20:32

Unless its a huge ring I'm not sure its an issue. DH and I didn't make an announcement or anything when we got engaged, i wore the ring all the time but hardly anyone commented on it. How often do you even look at peoples fingers?

AnnieWaits · 18/04/2018 20:34

There’s no law that says you have to wear an engagement or a wedding ring. It’s just a tradition to wear an outward symbol to tell the world that you are engaged or married. Just don’t wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

CDAlady · 18/04/2018 20:40

I completely understand this. It can feel awkward to be the focus of so much attention.

I think it's ok to feel uncomfortable about being the focus of attention and to avoid it. But, I also think it's ok for people to want to know and to ask you about it.

Just prepare some responses which acknowledge other people's natural curiosity and interest in you (which is nice of them!) but which deflect attention and turn the conversation on to other topics. Eg. Yes that's my engagement ring. How was your holiday? etc. Yes, we had a really small wedding. We wanted to save money for a big holiday, house deposit etc. How are your children getting on?

SoozC · 18/04/2018 20:43

I find myself incredibly shy when I got engaged and felt very self-conscious "announcing" it at work, so told a few people in the same room to get it over with and then let them spread the news. Part of me felt as an older bride I couldn't gush about it and didn't want to (bit silly I know but that's how I felt).

It didn't lessen the meaning of the ring, I got excited with my friends and family, but I didn't announce on FB or anything. We didn't post photos for all and sundry to see afterwards either. In my head it's my news, my event, my life so I can tell whoever I want to. When I get pregnant again and manage to reach 12 weeks, I am not "announcing" that either.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit more private about your life. Congratulations by the way!

mathanxiety · 18/04/2018 20:45

You are going to run into the same problem when you have a wedding ring - people at work wondering what, where, when, etc.

Best to put it on, smile, rehearse answers to possible questions:
"We thought it was the right time and we are very happy."
"He proposed while we were out for a walk/washing the dishes/driving to Luton..."
"No bended knee or elaborate ring in a martini trick, that's not his style."
'We are having a really, really small (registry office?) wedding, just the two of us and the witnesses, and our parents, and no fuss at all."
"I will be wearing a blue dress and shoes."
"We will be honeymooning at X spot for a week in July".

castasp · 18/04/2018 20:46

I don't really wear jewellery so I've never even had an engagement ring.

I do wear my wedding ring - and I only bought one at all because the vicar said we had to have some kind of ring to put on my finger as it was part of the ceremony. It cost £6.

Don't wear it if you don't want to - who cares?

I can safely say I would not notice, and have never to this day noticed whether someone is or isn't wearing rings, or what kind they're wearing, and I'm in my mid-forties!

Flatpackjackie · 18/04/2018 20:49

Why wear a ring? It's not a legal requirement! :)

PerfectlyDone · 18/04/2018 20:54

Don't wear it if you don't want to.

I never ever wore any kind of ring until we got engaged and worried about 'not getting used to it' - I did

I am now getting used to not wearing it any more as H has moved out to live with OW - and I got used to not wearing the ring quickly too.

It's just a ring - trust me when I say, a successful marriage rides on so much more than that

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2018 20:55

The only thing that's weird is that you're a grown woman who allows what other people may do to control your life. People ask all sorts of questions, but that doesn't mean you have to answer them. If you love your ring, wear it. Also, believe me when I say that people really don't care what's going on in your life. All of these questions are just a way to fill the silence. Life is too short to let yourself be held hostage by your paranoia.

Mightymucks · 18/04/2018 20:57

Wear it on another finger. They do in other cultures, and as long as you and DF know what it means it doesn’t really matter if anyone else does.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread