Embarrassed about wearing my engagement ring

[Rainysummersday]

This is going to sound very weird as most women can’t wait to boast about their engagements. I’ve always been a private person and never liked people asking me about my private life (unless they are very close to me). I Don’t like being interrogated so usually I keep quiet when it comes to love life information unless someone asks.

We’ve been together nearly eight years and got engaged in November. We went and chose the ring together so there was no fairytale or surprise proposal. He then gave it to me on a day out, and I have been wearing it when we go out and I told my family at the time. However, I still feel too weird to wear it in other situations around acquaintances and colleagues. I feel wearing it would open myself up to lots of questions about the proposal, relationship and obviously the wedding. I’ve seen others get engaged and everyone starts giving them unwanted advice and being general pests.

We have already decided on a very small wedding, possibly with just the two of us. So another awkward thing would be of people assume they’re invited when we are probably not inviting anyone!

Is it very weird to be worried about wearing the ring? Has anyone elses felt this way?

Wear it or don't wear it as you please, and if you're that worried about people pestering you about your engagement/wedding, just say.....no plans yet!

You can tell people it'll be a small/no guests wedding, it's OK. A friend of mine told us recently that she and her fella were engaged and she added that it would be a small do, which I took to mean a gentle way of saying not to expect an invite and I was fine with that!

I didn't have an engagement ring, we just decided to get married and cracked on a few weeks later.

I have never asked after anyone's ring in my life. I never look at people's rings. I would only know they were getting married if they told me. A close colleague got married and I only knew after the event. This really doesn't have to be a big deal, I'm surprised it is, but perhaps it's like Joan in Mad Men in your world and everyone will be gushing over the ring (I don't work in such a place!)

Will they notice? I recently got a tattoo on my wrist but nobody at work has said anything

Do people even look at your hands?! I never notice people's rings unless they have loads of rings on. Why do you think anyone would give a fuck anyway? Are you very interesting or something? 🧐

Just say "Yes, we are engaged." Flash ring. "It's going to be a really small wedding, we don't want a big fuss." ... Smile. "Now, what have you been up to?"

Not wanting to talk about your private life, fine. Not wanting to wear your ring in case anyone asks you about your private life is also fine but if I were engaged to you I would feel a bit sad if I found out you were not wearing your ring.

To some extent, "All of these questions are just a way to fill the silence." I agree. But some people do care about your life, and they will be the ones who care about you, so will hopefully respect your wishes not to talk about it.

I am married, I don't wear my rings. Does he mind?

I didn't have an engagement ring as we just agreed to get married and planned a date. Like you I wasn't into a big day but really wanted to be married to my husband. Unlike you I caved into pressure and ended up with lots of people in the evening - I just concluded the day was effectively about what other people wanted and got on with it. But having my time over I'd do it just us. You're not weird, don't wear your ring if you don't feel like it, or wear it on another finger or a necklace! No one else's business unless you want it to be.

Eh. I haven't told my work colleagues about it. I just wore my ring. In six months one woman has noticed!

It's like a game of really weird sardines.

There are a couple of people who would be endlessly tedious about it, some downright offensive, and others not really interested. I'm happy to have people who won't continually ask me about the wedding, tbh, and do so with an extra layer of boring unoriginal comments.

I get totally this, I got engaged fairly young (apparently) and looked young for my age too, my ring is quite a distinctive vintage design and I adore it but didn’t expect everyone I saw at work to start asking me about my private life or dishing out advice/ criticism simply because I had a pretty ring on!! I work with general public and couldn’t believe the things total strangers asked/said to me! In the end I wore it on a chain as couldn’t cope with it, funnily enough once there was a wedding band next to it after honeymoon people generally didn’t notice anymore, haven’t had a comment for ages! Bizarre!
So no you are not being unreasonable! Wear it privately or publicly as you feel comfortable don’t let others take the shine off it for you...and congratulations! X

I've been married 34 years and have a wedding ring, engagement ring and eternity ring. All of which I only wear once in a blue moon when dressed up, as I'm too messy in day to day life to want jewellery on, hubby knows I treasure them all but just don't wear them much. Always wear them on something like our anniversary night out etc.

Completely up to you. I've known a couple of people who've booked a holiday and just come back and casually mentioned that they got married. No-one minded (well, I don't know if their families did or not), quite a few people were envious of the lack of fuss. If that's what you want to do, go for it.

I lived with my DH to be for 7 years before we we got wed , there was no real reason for this I knew we loved each other within 3 months but we waited till we wanted to make it official .
we were very lucky that we knew a quartet that would play our tume as we walked down the isle and the again at the reception 2 hours later , they played for about 3 hours in total I still do not think 18 years on just how much that it meant to us ,
the cello player also played at my DH funeral in October , I will never be able to thank her enough .

sorry I am wandering off the topic , It is your engagement , your wedding NEVER invite people that you think you should or that it is the done thing or they are related to so and so ,
This is your engagement , your wedding tell whom you want the rest can go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .FO

oh congratulations too