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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that they key time for a man to have an affair is after his first child is born?

57 replies

crunchymint · 18/04/2018 18:22

Just seen so many men cheat on their wives straight after their first child is born. Has anyone else noticed this?

OP posts:
Personwithhorse · 18/04/2018 18:29

Usually during pregnancy from my experience when young and working in larger offices. Had to fight them off all the time.

Wanderwall · 18/04/2018 18:30

I've read it's definitely a thing.

I also know from bitter experience.

MakeTheManSomeFuckingEggs · 18/04/2018 18:32

It's been my personal experience also I'm afraid. He cheated when I pregnant and was at my most vulnerable and needed him.

applesandpears56 · 18/04/2018 18:33

Yes during pregnancy and in the first few years. It’s because the attention isn’t fully on them any more

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/04/2018 18:36

And it is also the hardest time for a woman to leave him.

OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 18/04/2018 19:29

I don’t think they intend them to find out.

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/04/2018 19:35

Still shitty thing to do though

OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 18/04/2018 19:39

Oh god - totally. Lowest of the low.

RedForFilth · 18/04/2018 19:40

The men who do it are pathetic. Deliberately do it when their partner is vulnerable and less able to leave. Man children who can't stand the fact an actual child has the attention. My ex did this and it just proved how spineless he is.

Pompom42 · 18/04/2018 19:43

Yes I agree with this, not in my experience but I've seen it with friends

WibblyWobblyWho · 18/04/2018 19:44

I've noticed this alot over the years too.

Juiceylucy09 · 18/04/2018 19:46

An insecure attention seeking male maybe.

I still have faith the majority would not be so low.

I would never get over it and move on with a person who done that.

MMcanny · 18/04/2018 19:47

No, I wouldn’t say so. Seen them do it after second and third babies too. If they’re going to do it they’ll do it. Maybe their wives are distracted by babies making them more likely to stray. Meh!

Icklepickle101 · 18/04/2018 19:50

My ex did, in the midst of PND and recovering from a c section when I really really needed him and he spent month shagging someone else before I found out.

In hindsight it was the making of me and made me pull my shit together and get proper help for my PND. He’s still a man child, ruining someone else’s life

ems137 · 18/04/2018 19:51

Pregnancy is the most common time that I've noticed. I reckon it all starts when the partner is pregnant and then maybe develops further shortly after the birth.

I absolutely hate cheaters. There is no excuse for it if you ask me. Fuck off and leave if you're not happy

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/04/2018 19:52

MMcanny Distracted by babies!!! Have you ever had a baby? Do you have any idea what that means?

OP posts:
BiddydeBint · 18/04/2018 19:52

I've noticed this too

It's unforgiveable imo

Laiste · 18/04/2018 19:58

wives are distracted by babies making them more likely to stray

What?!

happystory · 18/04/2018 20:00

McCanny in a healthy relationship the man is distracted by babies too not looking to play away

Maggiepryor · 18/04/2018 20:03

My dh didn't cheat but he acted up after each DC was born. Going out all night, so drunk or hung over he couldn't help with kids. Even when I was recovering from a c section and had new baby and toddlers. He grew up eventually but I am still resentful!

Justwaitingforaline · 18/04/2018 20:07

Ex P and father of DD did this, multiple times. His excusereasoning was that he felt neglected as he was no longer my priority.

TheCrystalChandelier · 18/04/2018 20:10

Nope. IME both men and women are more likely to cheat when a distraction happens within the relationship e.g. a baby, new job, time away from each other etc.

I know at least two women who cheated just after they got married and the baby was the sticking plaster they used to fix it. Except in one case the baby’s paternity is in doubt but her affair only came to light twelve years later so everyone is now doubtful that the baby is actually his. It’s blown the whole relationship apart and the child is old enough to know everything. Shock.

Men working away opens up the lines for both men and women to have affairs. Just as many women cheat on their husbands while they’re away for work etc.

MadBadDaddy · 18/04/2018 20:11

When we became a family we both had an acute case of Nesting. The DIY had been done. The curtains were drawn, the drawbridge was up. OH was in bed for the first couple of weeks. All 3 of us were a bit stunned. If anything, I'd say I was far less likely to abandon ship at that point than any other.

I think the same of an old mate who posted a picture of his new daughter with the message "I didn't think it was possible to fall in love so many times in a single day".

So at least 2 of us aren't complete bastards.

zzzzz · 18/04/2018 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/04/2018 20:16

crystal Why do you feel the need to post - women cheat too?
And no I highly doubt women are likely to cheat just after giving birth to a baby.

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