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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smelly bins aibu

43 replies

Blackbinsack · 17/04/2018 18:47

Recently my boyfriends been extra stressed it’s no excuse for him at all. The stress has all been taken out on me and tonight I’ve just had enough and not sure if I was bu. In our kitchen we had 3 bins one compost heap one for recycling and one for waste. I said I would clean them and did jet washed them and used some zoflora on them. He claimed they still smell but I was just ignoring it saying they smell fine they do. Last night he asked me to empty the bin as I’m off work for 3 days pointed at the bin to. Now he’s just come home fuming asking have a done the bins when I said yes he said DONT LIE THERE NOT ALL DONE AND STILL SMELL. I said yes I emptied the compost bin like you asked. NO I ASKED YOU TO DO THE BINS AND CLEAN THEM. Me again saying no you didn’t pluss they don’t smell recycling smells strongly of beer but will go once emptied pluss I always spray with cleaner after emptying. He’s now huffed off in his car. Sorry for the rant just fed up of him at the moment things where so good between us and this new promotion at work he’s a changed man. He won’t do anything at home with out a reason why he can’t do it. Last night he wouldn’t wash up I till I removed two bits of my sweet corn from the sink. I don’t no what to do we’ve just brought a house together it’s like he’s changed over night

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackbinsack · 17/04/2018 19:52

He’s now ignoring me won’t return my call I’ve left him to it can’t be dealing with any stress

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HelenTheHunter · 17/04/2018 20:01

He sounds like a twat.
Suddenly changing after buying a house / getting married / having a baby is classic - he thinks he's trapped you so can treat you like shit. I'm not trying to be over dramatic but it's a big red flag for me, I've seen it before.
Think very carefully about the relationship and be vigilant for signs of control / abuse.

Mandapanda85 · 17/04/2018 20:05

Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he's not satisfied with your bin cleaning abilities he should fucking well do them himself.

Actually, fuck that. TELL him you will no longer be cleaning the bins and it's totally down to him as of now on.

You weren't put on this planet to wipe his arse. You're worth more than that!

RedHelenB · 17/04/2018 20:09

Or maybe he's on dadsnet complaining that you're doing such a rubbish job of emptying the bins so you don't have to do them . Think we need more info on job sharing before I comment.

Original poster
Blackbinsack · 17/04/2018 20:10

He’s still out will it ignore him when he comes home acting all normal. I’m in bed with face mask and popcorn he can’t ruin my evening over some silly bins. I know he’s fuckinh stressed because of work but it’s not excuse. As it’s a first I will see if it happens again if it does the house is being rented out to cover mortgage and I’m staying with my family.

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Sarsparella · 17/04/2018 20:28

Why can’t he clean the bins? He needs to grow the fuck up and stop talking to you like crap!

Original poster
Blackbinsack · 17/04/2018 21:32

Just had a massive row said if I had cleaned the bins like I said I would it would all be ok. I said I did jet washed and sprayed apperantly the jet attatchment on the hose isn’t a jet wash. The bins still smelt after I washed them got him to smell the empty bin it smelt like cleaner. He said they didn’t smell like that after I washed them. I told him to do them himself he said no you made the bins messy he can’t even remember why I did. I’ve claimed I didn’t he said if you had done the bins when you where meant to I could of remembered. He’s now forgotten how it’s my turn to do the bins as I was so late to clean them. I don’t no what to do I said we can’t go on like this asked him to move out he claimed he had tried already looking at houses I know he hasn’t. I know he’s bullshitting I don’t no wat to do next I’m in bed and he’s next dooor no where else for him to sleep except the floor. My mums asked what’s up as she could here shouting. I told him this he dosnt care things my mum would agreee with him about smelly bins.

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Original poster
Blackbinsack · 17/04/2018 21:33

Sorry for the rant I’m at such a loss and shock we hardly argue ever. My dad was horrible to my mum so I’m extra weary about any shouting and stuff. This is so un normal but I don’t want to stay and it get worse. I feel the need to go an apologise but I know it’s not my fault I need to be strongz

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Original poster
Blackbinsack · 18/04/2018 08:14

He’s at it again the bins came up so tempted to just spray them with strong smelly stuff and claim I cleaned them

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Penfold007 · 18/04/2018 08:22

He's telling you exactly who he is, a nasty abusive bully. Please take care.

Singlebutmarried · 18/04/2018 08:31

Sorry I’m a bit confused.

Are you and your boyfriend living with your family at present?

Singlebutmarried · 18/04/2018 08:37

Scratch that. Have re read. Just confused as to how your mum could hear.

I can’t remember cleaning my indoor bins regularly (apart from compost, that goes through the dishwasher once a week). But I put baking soda in the bottom and always use bags in the bins.

That aside, getting that wound up about bins is a bit odd to say the least.

I’d be wondering if this were the right relationship.

Fishface77 · 18/04/2018 08:48

He’s horrible and thinks he has you tapped that’s why he’s behaving like this. Get rid before you have kids.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/04/2018 08:59

The issue isn't the bins, it's the fact that he felt it appropriate to speak to you the way he did. He's not your employer, he has no right to demand that you do things and take you to task if you don't. (And most employers speak far more politely to their staff.)

If he brings up the bins again, don't be deflected on to whether or not you cleaned them, keep firmly on topic, which is him being completely out of order in the way he spoke to you.

Idontdowindows · 18/04/2018 09:02

The issue isn't the bins. The issue is that he's a sweary shouty arsehole.

YeahAndThenWhat · 18/04/2018 09:07

He sounds awful. Are you planning on having kids? If so do you think he sounds like the type of person you would want to be their father. If he is stressed now imagine how he might be if he is worn out from having a baby or little kids about.

Why take the risk?

cloudtree · 18/04/2018 09:08

There are clearly other issues here but on the bins point do you not use bin liners? TBH I'm not surprised they smell if you're not emptying them regularly and you're keeping composting in the house. Plus you yourself have admitted that the recycling smells strongly of beer Confused

Original poster
Blackbinsack · 18/04/2018 09:59

He drinks beer not me recycling and composting is the only one with out a liner. they get emptied all the time just not cleaned out to his standards. He claimed he didn’t shout at me and what he said was ok.

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Original poster
Blackbinsack · 18/04/2018 10:00

I asked him about what happens when we have kids how you going to react. He said he would teach them to behave and not do stupid shit like I have.

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TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 10:03

Regardless of what the job was. Being shouted at like that over a household chore isn't nice for anyone.

If he makes you feel bad then you should have a think about the relationship. I Don't want to tell you to leave but have a think as he may act like this in the future and that's not going to be nice for you.

I'm sorry he made you feel bad Flowers

TrudeauGirl · 18/04/2018 10:05

He said he would teach them to behave and not do stupid shit like I have.

Just seen this, that's awful to say to you Shock

PeaPodPopper · 18/04/2018 10:07

please, please, please , Do not have children with this man. Do not even THINK about having children with this man.

He has NO respect for you, and is now showing you exactly what he is. You have one life - enjoy it. ....without him!

Original poster
Blackbinsack · 18/04/2018 10:09

I’m so upset it’s just come out the blue I’m sat at home crying. I’ve had surgery this year and he’s been amazing this is just so hard. Everything was going so well. I’m at a loss he’s been so horrible. I don’t want to stay and it happen again but Leaving will be so hard. Has anyone given a second chance and they changed I have a feeling he will keep doing this I guess he’s shown his true colours

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FlapAttack23 · 18/04/2018 10:09

Maybe get smaller more manageable bins and write out a bin rota with clear mutually agreed Step by step instructions with diagrams. Then rig up of of those " it's been 18 minutes since these bins were last cleaned " signs .

Or make it a joint job you can do together and bond over while listening to marvin gaye or something

FlapAttack23 · 18/04/2018 10:10

Or get the fuck out of there while you can. I woukd not tolerate that