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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you let your 14 yr old DD stay in a house share with her Dad?

48 replies

donners312 · 17/04/2018 17:49

My DD14 wants to go and stay with her Father (who is a complete twat).

He lives in a house share with 5 other people sharing bathroom/kitchen.

She will have to share bed with him or sleep on the floor.

Would you allow this?

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 17/04/2018 22:33

Yanbu I had to put a stop to this with my ex a few years back. Exact situation only with 3 lodgers.

WeeMadArthur · 17/04/2018 22:35

Is it a short visit or longer term? A few nights on the floor or sleeping next to a snoring man might send her scuttling back home.

Ginger1982 · 17/04/2018 22:38

Nope. I wouldn't allow it. What do you know about the other people in the house? Male? Female? Sounds really dodgy to me.

upsideup · 17/04/2018 22:40

Yeah I would, shes with her dad and she wants to.
What are you worried about? Shes obiously happy to share a room with her dad and a kitchen and bathroom with his flatmates

justdontevenfuckingstart · 17/04/2018 22:41

What does DD want to do? I know both of mine would have refused to go.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 17/04/2018 22:42

Sorry she wants to go but does she fully understand the set up?

blueskyinmarch · 17/04/2018 22:43

Yes I would. At 14 she is old enough to be aware of what is going on around her. I allowed my DD2 at 14 to stay with her sister in her flat share at uni because i knew she would be alert and also that her sister would look out for her. Will her DF look out for her?

TantricTwist · 17/04/2018 22:45

Yes let her stay because I can guarantee she will probably hate it and never want to sleep there again. Hopefully fingers crossed.

TheyBuiltThePyramids · 17/04/2018 22:46

Does she want to go? My 14 yo would not share a bed with her dad, nor be happy about that environment. Your's might feel differently.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2018 22:48

No, I wouldn't let her share a bed with her dad in a place like that.

Do you mean she wants to live permanently with him?

RiceBaby · 18/04/2018 06:33

Yes, of course. There is nothing dangerous about the situation you describe.

dirtyquerty · 18/04/2018 06:39

I don't see the problem.Get an airbed

Charley50 · 18/04/2018 06:50

Depends on how well they get on I suppose, and if she really genuinely wants to. Personally I'd prefer not.

My 14 year old DS dad split from his wife and left their family home to live in a house share.
My DS stayed there once; hasn't been back in a year and a half! Said he just didn't feel comfortable there. Plus his dad smokes LOADS of weed and was probably lying when he assured me he didn't smoke in the bedroom.

frenchfancy · 18/04/2018 06:54

Just because they live in a house share doesn't make them bad people. She is with her Dad. She is old enough to decide for herself.

niceupthedance · 18/04/2018 06:55

Yes I would. Let her find out herself if he is a twat.

Caulk · 18/04/2018 07:02

Yes.

QuitMoaning · 18/04/2018 07:07

You say your ex is a complete twat but is he a good father?

My ex is a knob but he is a very good father and I trust him completely as a father. He would have kept our son safe (son is 20 now so not so relevant). If you trust him as a father, then absolutely let her go. If you don’t then I am not sure what you should do.

NinaJeana · 18/04/2018 07:12

No, I wouldn't be happy with this.
14 year olds can be very influenced by others and I would be concerned not knowing who the other people in the house are or how much supervision that she would get from her dad.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/04/2018 07:13

what is particular are you worried about?

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 18/04/2018 07:14

You can try and stop her if you want, but if she really wants to go and you succeed she may well end up resenting you for a long time, even for life, for stopping he seeing her father. How would you feel if your dad stopped you staying at hour mum's when you were 14?

BoudicasBoudoir · 18/04/2018 07:19

Depends a lot on the length of stay and the other housemates. Has anyone asked them what they think? My own experience of extra people in a shared house is that it creates tension: another person in the bathroom, cluttering up the kitchen, taking up a seat on the sofa. And very often no additional financial contribution is made. So, maybe look at it from the other side as well.

ArchchancellorsHat · 18/04/2018 07:23

I once had a room to rent out and I had a divorced dad ask if his children could come. He had no idea if I was someone who would go out drinking every weekend and bring home strange men, and didn't offer any contribution for the children, and there wasn't a bed for them. Not sure what he was thinking really. But yes, I would check the housemates are all ok with it, they're the ones paying to live there. Also when i was 1, I would have needed a lot more privacy than a shared room with my father.

ArchchancellorsHat · 18/04/2018 07:24

14, not 1!

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2018 07:29

The main questions you need to satisfy are:
Is he reliable?
Will he protect her?
Why the hell cant he get her a camp bed/ air bed?

NewYearNewMe18 · 18/04/2018 07:31

You have no rights to stop her father seeing her.