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AIBU?

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Original poster

To of hidden my dp's tablet under the couch.

73 replies

Feelinghurt18 · 17/04/2018 17:27

I know I am being unreasonable I'm just feeling hurt because my DP has been watching porn either while I'm asleep or when I'm out I'm no prude I know men and some women watch it but I just find it all so disrepectful to me so today while I was cleaning I shoved his tablet as far under the couch as I could get it I will pull it back out eventually just sick of him watching porn we've already had arguments over all the half naked slappers he was following on Instagram and this just feels like another slap in the face why does he need to watch all these women when he's got me at home am I really not good enough for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelinghurt18 · 17/04/2018 20:25

Thank you everyone I will be leaving the tablet where it is he can find it himself when he wants a porn fix. I have tried speaking to him when we had the arguments over Instagram he promised me he would change and it was just a pack of lies he will never change.

OP posts:
Uniglo18 · 17/04/2018 21:08

I would put parental controls on, block sites, change the password and then leave him. I would also block his number from my phone and on social media & then go on a two week holiday to Mexico! Wink

Original poster
Feelinghurt18 · 18/04/2018 00:16

Haha lol Uniglo18 that's a brilliant idea I might just do that. That'll stop him from accessing his precious little sites and by the time he realises I will be long gone.

OP posts:
spicerack · 18/04/2018 09:03

how are you today OP?

Vangoghsear · 18/04/2018 09:07

YABU to use 'of' as a verb especially in the thread title.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/04/2018 09:07

OFFS if a partner watching porn is a dealbreaker to you, you end the relationship. You do not twat around sabotaging their belongings or trying to 'punish' them. Too many people are wilfully ignorant around porn and sexuality: if you don't like porn that's fine, but no one is obliged to agree with you or listen to your (invariably uninformed and/or sexually prescriptive) opinions.

spicerack · 18/04/2018 09:11

@Vangoghsear That's not what OP asked.

mumofplenty1 · 18/04/2018 09:26

Ive have been in the same position as you. Everyday he would rather have a tug than have sex with me and I would go months without because he had an addiction. Porn addiction or other can get in the way of a relationship. It took my dp 2 years to stop (occasional slip up now and then) with counselling but still has no urge to want to have sex. If he isn't listening then I'm afraid the relationship is over. Unless you have a sudden change of heart and turn a blind eye but it does play with your self esteem. If I could of turned back time I don't think I would of carried on the relationship but my dp is trying so hard to make things normal. So I completely understand how you feel.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 09:28

That'll stop him from accessing his precious little sites and by the time he realises I will be long gone.

It really wouldn’t. If he has a phone, he’ll be using that too. And if you’re long gone, to be quite frank, you’ll have done him a favour; he’ll have had a lucky escape.

Porn being a dealbreaker is fine. Trying to punish and control him is not.

Juells · 18/04/2018 11:11

So many fucking 'Holier-than-thou's looking down their noses at the OP because she doesn't want to live with a (literal) wanker. His behaviour is OK, but she is so unfair for losing it!

He's a wanker, not a lover 😉

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 14:18

Juells It’s nothing to do with being “holier-than-thou”. Nobody is claiming to be any such thing.

We’re looking at it from an objective point of view. He has done nothing wrong here, while she has.

Juells · 18/04/2018 14:25

I agree she shouldn't hide or damage his property, but she's entitled to be disgusted.

People who watch porn have a warped view of the world. I have the right to feel that way and so has the OP.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 14:33

Juells I agree; the OP can feel as disgusted as she wants. It’s how you act on that disgust that determines if your behaviour is problematic or not, and in the case of the OP, her behaviour was unacceptable.

I’m the porn watcher in mine and DH’s relationship. It has never been an issue, we still have a regular healthy sex life and it hasn’t “warped” my view of the world.

Lethaldrizzle · 18/04/2018 14:53

There may be norhing inherently wrong with watching porn but she is sick of him watching it. He should respect that if he wants to continue in the relationship. He doesn't respect that therefore he is a knob jockey and deserves to have his sticky little device hidden.

SevenStones · 18/04/2018 15:06

I think we've all done a childish thing or two when we've been pissed off. Forget about the hiding of the tablet, OP, all it did was show you that you've had enough. Flowers

He's being disrespectful not listening to you and you'll be better off finding someone for whom porn isn't so important and he'll be better off with someone who doesn't mind it.

Juells · 18/04/2018 15:12

He'll be able to wank in peace without an actual woman getting in the way. 😜

Original poster
Feelinghurt18 · 18/04/2018 17:20

Just to let you all know I spoke to him last night and he has promised that he won't do it any more I still haven't taken the tablet out from underneath the couch I know it wasn't the most grown up thing to do I was just sick of him watching it. I'm still in my parents house I need time and space to think about what I want and I think a break might just help me with that.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 18/04/2018 18:51

he has promised that he won't do it any more

How many times has he made promises like this?

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 20:11

He doesn't respect that therefore he is a knob jockey and deserves to have his sticky little device hidden.

Lethaldrizzle Incorrect. He does not “deserve” to be punished; he is an adult and can make his own choices. OP is not his mother and shouldn’t act like it.

OP, and nobody for that matter, has the right to punish another adult because they don’t conform to behaviour you think is appropriate.

Imagine the outrage if a husband said his wife deserved to have her things hidden because she did something he didn’t like!

OP has a choice here. If the porn is a dealbreaker, she should leave. If it’s not, she has to learn to deal with it in a constructive manner.

Lethaldrizzle · 18/04/2018 20:15

What to do about - ha ha!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 20:21

Lethaldrizzle Please, enlighten me. What’s funny about wanting to ensure one adult doesn’t try and control another adults behaviour by punishing them?

Original poster
Feelinghurt18 · 18/04/2018 21:13

Idontdowindows he's promised to change countless times before and he never does so it's doubtful that he will change his ways this time round either.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 18/04/2018 21:25

Feelinghurt18 If that’s the case, you only have yourself to blame when it happens again.

You know what he’s like and you know he won’t change, so if you’re going to stay with him with that knowledge you waive your right to complain.

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