PIL are serious hoarders

[Hafa9141]

I am a very tidy person in general, mot necessarily as in everything has to be away and look pristine, BUT everything has a place and there is no junk in the house.
That being said, PIL are both over retirement age and are prolific hoarders (its a bit of a family joke that if you ever need something ask FIL first).
Their house is absolutely rammed with about 35 years of "keep that just in case" things and projects that were started but never finished.
Unfortunately they have 5 grown up kids and only 3 of them still communicate, but the other 2 have their eye on many things in the house (they have told us before what they plan to come and get once PIL are gone).
I know it may be morbid, but as an organisation freak I worry about what we will do when they actually go.
I have tried to encourage them to do some boot-sales with us, so at least they are making money of their collections and don't feel like they are losing out. They bring a massive camper van full of things, sell some of it (made about £200 last time we did one) but then take it all home and put it back.
AIBU when I say I have to sit on my hands at their house to stop me from tidying up?

Do try not to pay too much attention to some of the more dipshit remarks OP.

I am in a similar situation with my elderly mother in law, but recently I was very honest with myself, and after a lot of soul-searching came to the conclusion that it was only really MY issues that were the issue. I don't like the situation or the way that my MIL deals with her possessions, but there isn't much I can do about it-or frankly, should. I've decided to just let go of the situation until it genuinely because problematic due to poor health/safety etc. Truth be told, she's got all her faculties, is a proud woman who would fight me every step of the way, and it's not really any of my business. Yet. It may be one day, but it's not yet.

DazzlingMilton, OP is* an executor. She's said that twice already, yet you seem to have either missed it in your forensic dissection of her posts, or you're deliberately ignoring it, as it doesn't fit with your narrative of OP being a grabby person who needs to keep her nose out.

OP Are the items that your PIL want to bequeath being used still, or could they give those particular items to the beneficiaries now? As you seem to feel that the two estranged siblings will go and clear out the valuables before the items are able to be distributed, it would be the most sensible option. Are the PIL aware of this likelihood, and if they are, what do they think is the best course of action? If they don't want to give them away yet, perhaps small items like jewellery, could be put in a safe deposit box at the bank. Keeping larger items safe, could mean that only you and DH as executors, have the only keys to the house, until you've been able to distribute the items.

Whatever happens though, it sounds like the two estranged siblings will kick up a stink about something, and they'll start hovering like vultures when the last parent is on their way out. I've heard some horrific stories of children not wanting anything to do with their parents for decades, yet feel entitled to benefit from their estates when they die.

However, I do think you should stop trying to persuade them to have a clear out. I know it will mean more for you to deal with when the time comes, but it's not really your (or your husband's) place to try to get them to get rid of stuff that for some reason they want to keep.

Reported Dazzling

Motoko where have I implied she is grabby, I haven’t said anything of the sort whereas plenty of other people did?

As for the will, she hasn’t seen it:

I haven't seen it but that's a good point.

And what exactly have I been reported for?

While people are criticising OP, don't forget that cluttered houses can be a health hazard. My late DM couldn't throw anything away, and there was stuff everywhere - not surprisingly one day she had a bad fall tripping over the stuff. Fortunately she was only badly bruised and didn't break any limbs, but that fall could have been the end of her.

And anyone who has had to clear out a house crammed full of stuff, some valuable and some absolute rubbish and some in between knows how time consuming and soul destroying it can be. I for one, don't want to inflict that on my own DCs. OP also has a serious concern that two estranged members might swoop and take stuff which has been willed to other people, and then how are they going to execute the will properly?

All I think you can do OP is keep trying to encourage them - so e.g. if FIL wants something to go to the tip, don't let him put it in the garden to fester, put it in your car boot and take it yourself.

@DazzlingMilton I have been told by the two of them that I am executor and I believe them. I don't need to see their will to respect them telling me the truth. You haven't specifically said I am grabby however you have said it is none of my business multiple times which it is!
@Peregrina I offer to go round here occasionally and help them with things but we never have enough time to much at all. Also DH and I are TTC and I would worry about a baby being around there.

The day DH’s grandfather died 2 cousins swooped in a took everything that was valuable. They hadn’t spent time with him and never bothered to attend his funeral.

I do sympathise Hafa - I had a difficult job helping my DM dispose of things. Invariably if she was persuaded to let something go, a few weeks later she would be regretting it and going on about it. I didn't live locally either. I was an executor too - but fortunately most of her financial papers were in order, although some documents were hard to find. Fortunately too, with DB the other executor, we didn't fall out, and there weren't any avaricious relatives waiting to swoop.

For those talking of getting Powers of Attorney - do encourage Parents/In Laws to do so. DH and his sister and brother have just sorted this out with his mother. At the moment, it's not needed so the paperwork is just sitting in the drawer, but if it's ever needed it will save a lot of hassle.