PIL are serious hoarders

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I am a very tidy person in general, mot necessarily as in everything has to be away and look pristine, BUT everything has a place and there is no junk in the house.
That being said, PIL are both over retirement age and are prolific hoarders (its a bit of a family joke that if you ever need something ask FIL first).
Their house is absolutely rammed with about 35 years of "keep that just in case" things and projects that were started but never finished.
Unfortunately they have 5 grown up kids and only 3 of them still communicate, but the other 2 have their eye on many things in the house (they have told us before what they plan to come and get once PIL are gone).
I know it may be morbid, but as an organisation freak I worry about what we will do when they actually go.
I have tried to encourage them to do some boot-sales with us, so at least they are making money of their collections and don't feel like they are losing out. They bring a massive camper van full of things, sell some of it (made about £200 last time we did one) but then take it all home and put it back.
AIBU when I say I have to sit on my hands at their house to stop me from tidying up?

No one want’s to think about their death too much but a little organisation can save so much agro for those left behind.

I think (for anybody) it’s a good idea to photograph items with a note of who you’d like to bequeath it to. Notes held with will. That way there’s no confusion or arguments when you’ve shuffled off.

If he lives as long as my dad did, he will be in that house in 30 years. Yes, you are being unreasonable, just leave the poor buggers alone.

What’s your husbands view ?

They sound just like hoarders to me. You can be a hoarder without things like old newspapers and food cartons being involved. There are people who don't have the attachment to rubbish but will never throw away any clothes, cards, furniture etc.

TBH OP I presume you'll just get a skip when they die. Or stay out of it. You don't have to get involved, even if DH is named in the will.

@IdaDown that is a good idea. As long as they make their wishes clear it'll be fine. Just god help us when we have to clear it out!
@Bluelady my great grandfather is 103 and had to move out of his 4 bed house when he was 80 as he couldn't look after it anymore. If your dad is 100 and still maintaining a 4 bed house then good on him, but I don't think PIL will be the same!
I feel as though you are making me out to be a villain for being a worrier! I love my PIL dearly and wanted peace of mind about this issue instead of being berated by you!

@PaulDacreRimsGeese unfortunately we are both named in the will so that won't be happening. Also DH isn't a very motivated person so I fear if it is left to him a house and all their belongings will sit there for years!
@Northernparent68 DH is very laid back and doesn't think about things before it's too late. He does care and I know he will be heartbroken if we have to spend weeks and weeks going through PIL stuff.

I think some people are so used to warring ILs and being cold and disconnected from their other halfs family that they struggle to understand when someone posts out of genuine love and concern about for their Ils wellbeing. All this, 'its nothing to do with you', of course OP should be concerned. They're her parents in law, there's a reason why they are called such. All you cold and detached people can learn something from it. .

Thank you @AnnaHindrer that's exactly what its like, we are very close with both sets of parents and we talk about stuff openly (without assuming an ulterior motive) all the time!
As I said I love them to pieces and only want what's best for them. Often children who's parents have passed end up letting someone unrelated do everything anyway as its awful having to look through someones personal possessions trying not to get emotional

Have you or DH seen the Will? I’m only asking because my later father spent 15 years telling everyone that everything was gong to my nephew. When he died the only Will we could find left everything to one of my siblings, and they flatly refused to give the nephew anything.

If I was named as an executor on someone’s Will I would want to know the details just to avoid any nasty surprises.

@AdoraBell I haven't seen it but that's a good point. I don't think I will ask to see it but I might say to them "have you made sure you will is up to date for everything?"
If something isn't listed in detail I know how funny people can get and its awful.

As someone who has been through something similar recently, I know how hard this can be.

I’m sorry though OP, you’re not their daughter, it’s not for you to sort out. Your tone here really worries me:

I am trying to avoid that by sorting stuff with them ... I'm only eager for them to get rid of the stuff.... I would never make them get rid of anything they want to keep hold of.

All you talk about is yourself - “I”... nothing about your DH or his siblings. You need to stay out of this, not least because it’s not your role to tell them stuff is junk when it could have been meaningful to any one of them.

I’m also shocked you said “we” can’t be bothered to go through solicitors to change anything. In these circumstances you need to make sure paperwork is as watertight as possible. Even if you come up with these ideas through “worry”, the message must come from only your DH. When the inevitable happens you are risking a huge backlash from everyone unless he is in the driving seat.

So, AYBU to worry? No

AYBU to get involved in something that is not for you to sort out, most definitely.

As someone who has lost a parent and is in the process of losing the other I would be horrified if a SIL or BIL had done this in this way. It’s not helping, it’s interfering.

@DazzlingMilton I NEVER said "WE" can't be bothered with going through things with solicitors I said "THEY" can't so please read properly before you make a comment!
I am saying "I" a lot because its not DH writing the bloody post in the first place it's me!
Also if you don't understand any of the thread I haven't actually DONE anything I am only asking about it and having a discussion. My PIL and DH know that I am like this and in fact they actually like it because they love me and know I love them!

@DazzlingMilton I have recently had to go through a grandparents very full house as my mum couldn't bring herself to do it and it wasn't very nice at all. So I'm trying to save the siblings some heartache.

If she is one of the executors then I would think it is partly her business. Ideally having a copy of the will would be helpful and knowing where key items that they wish to give to others are located. I thought it was the PILs who didn't want the stress of revising their wills? It can be hard work, but it should only be a couple of sessions. We revised our own wills and found that the previous ones were so out of date that any provisions in them would have been frustrated because circumstances had changed.

And @DazzlingMilton I haven't mentioned his siblings or him? Please read every comment in the whole thread before making out I am being selfish. If you read properly I have mentioned their daughters and granddaughters

That was the issue with my father’s Will, he never updated it. It isn’t always necessary to use a solicitor for a Will. If it isn’t extremely complex financial things.

It’s not you your job, let your DH handle it. It sounds like they are humouring you. They’ll say they love it until you cross a red line, then there will be no going back and any good intentions you have had will have gone to waste and caused upset in the process.

You’re perilously close to that line. Where do you intend to stop, you need to ask yourself that question.

I can’t help but feel from your defensive and aggressive responses that you only came on here looking for people to agree with you.

I have this concern with my Inlaws...50 years worth of things to sort through which is my husbands responsibility as executor. Then he'll have to sell the house which unfortunately smells very strongly of mould. Absolutely mammoth task, there's no way I'll be putting my kids through that when my time comes. It's a difficult enough time for everybody...

@DazzlingMilton ok I'll do that then. Leave 5 grief stricken siblings to clean up after their parents when there's no need for it at all.
Of course I want people to agree with me I said I want "peace of mind!" Not a debate!
Btw you are not to decide which "line" I am crossing you are nothing to do with my family and they are the ones who "draw a line"

Updating a will is important- my nan never updated her will & was mistaken about what would be left to my mum.

By the time she got round to thinking about it she had been sectioned & had no mental capacity to be able to change it!

On this topic, sorting out Power of Attorney is very important too for older people.

You asked if you were being reasonable and are arguing aggressively with everyone who tells you you're not. Why ask if you don't want to know what people think?

Please read every comment in the whole thread before making out I am being selfish.

I didn't say you were being selfish, I said it's not your role to get involved but since you asked me to read every comment again, I did, and it really sounds like this is your problem more than it is theirs at the moment, the way you highlight junk in your OP makes it sounds almost disdainful. If your DH had anything to do with this you would be writing "we".

I am a very tidy person in general... BUT everything has a place and there is no junk in the house.
I know it may be morbid, but as an organisation freak I worry about what we will do when they actually go
I have tried to encourage them to do some boot-sales
I have to sit on my hands at their house to stop me from tidying up
I am worried precious family heirlooms will be taken and sold on for cash
who I'd like to make sure get their mothers jewellery
I have had conversations with MIL about how fantastic the house would look if it was cleared out (also tried to convince them to sell things as they love to travel so could use it for that)
I do mentioned to them sometimes oh wow isn't that lovely, are you giving that to.....?
I never push them or make them feel uncomfortable,
I have asked them to do a car boot sale next to my car this weekend
I am trying to avoid that by sorting stuff with them now
I'm only eager for them to get rid of the stuff they have said "oh that's going to the tip"
I would never make them get rid of anything they want to keep hold of. Just trying to motivate them to clear away the other stuff!
I won't be nagging them as that's not my style
DH isn't a very motivated person so I fear if it is left to him a house and all their belongings will sit there for years!

Btw you are not to decide which "line" I am crossing you are nothing to do with my family and they are the ones who "draw a line" You're way too defensive about this which speaks volumes, I just warned you there is a line which you seem oblivious too.

Also, since you haven't actually seen the will, it may easily be the case that your DH is an executor but you might not be, the point being you are doing all of this without actually knowing whether you are an executor or not and they haven't even retired yet let alone anything else.

Of course I want people to agree with me I said I want "peace of mind!" Not a debate!

So why come on AIBU?

I came on an AIBU post to get opinions not to be insulted and told I'm a hideous person and I seem to have ulterior motives etc.

I think many people are taking all of this far too literally and I agree with @BlueRoses28 half of this is the reason people slag off the mumsnet army.

As someone whose parents died young(ish) and unexpectedly, I am a) glad that my dad downsized after my mum died, b) got rid of loads of stuff in the process and c) was extremely diligent in ensuring his personal affairs were sorted.

I don't blame you, it's an absolute pain to be sorting, charity shopping, chucking and debating about what to keep and what to throw. It's also very sad and painful, that goes without saying.

I think you should be having those conversations. I frequently spoke to my dad about getting a Power if Attorney in place (not needed due to sudden death) as I have seen the fall out in my job from those who aren't organised.

Good luck OP

I could have written this myself about the junk that dm and df keep. Im a tidy person and throw everything away or more exactly dm takes it and adds it to her pile of junk. They know that I will skip the entire contents of their house, when they are no longer here , apart from a few sentimental items!