To think you should never criticise your child's personality or looks?

[OutofSyncGirl]

Either to them or to anyone else?

I think you can say to a child that their behaviour was wrong but not they are a bad / horrible / irritating / selfish etc person.

Someone said to me the other day that their teenage daughters legs have become fat because she eats too much and I also think this is wrong!

I've never been overweight but my mum used to criticise my body when I was a teenager and it did a lot of damage.

Totally agree @morespaceneeded. Tiptoeing around children and living in fear of offending them means that we are raising a generation of kids that are cannot cope with the realities outside world. Everyone is a victim these day they are mortality offended if anyone dares to criticise them.

If my DD says that her jeans are getting tight, I kindly point out that she has been eating lots of junk food and should consider healthier alternatives and maybe spending less time in her room on a screen and getting a bit more exercise. If she wears something really unflattering and asks my opinion, I will suggest alternatives. To me I would be failing as a parent if I did not advise and help her in this way.

Nope,...you must never criticise your children or look at them with any expression other than a smile and they should choose what they eat and what they wear even when they are toddlers and you must never say no to them or let anything upset them...ever.
If you don't follow those rules you are in danger of them being scarred for life and its all your fault.
FFS!

Haven't RTFT but I lived and worked in a Med country where people say it as it is. I was horrified that this extended to children too. Interestingly the children (I believe) where much more confident and had better self esteem than their UK counterparts. Here we tie ourselves up in knots in order to dress things up or excuse them. My dsi s is a teacher and said in her school talk about the pupils' weaknesses are not allowed to be spoken about to parents, so many of them are not even aware as the talk needs to be 'strength based'. I do think over positivism can be as damaging.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. My parents never criticised our physical appearance, and we have all grown up with a very relaxed, healthy attitude towards our bodies, which is pretty rare among the women I know. OTOH, they often criticised our characters, and I have never felt very likeable. My self esteem might have been low in any case, but their criticism definitely didn't help.
I think it's okay to gently criticise behaviour that is unpleasant for others and can be changed. We all need feedback on our behaviour. But I think it's very problematic to label children as they begin to believe in those labels and that belief is very difficult to shrug off.