To think this is the start of it!

[Andsoitstarts]

So... primary school offers day today.
Up pop the Facebook joiners group for different schools.
As not to miss anything I join mine.
And so it begins...
“Let’s all introduce ourselves... my child is Tarquin and you may hear us speaking Russian in the playground as we believe it’s good to immerse him in a second language at all times”
“My daughter is Sophia, she is so ready for school as she’s been reading literature for 10 year olds comfortably for the last year”
Please don’t tell me this is the start.
I feel like commenting “My son is billy, he still picks his nose and wipes it in annoying places and only mastered using a knife a couple of months ago”

Haha least you now know who to avoid in the playground

True... I’ll just look for the child that’s glued to her own copy of “The lion, the witch and the wardrobe” and the child trying to communicate with the other children in Russian.
Shouldn’t be hard right?!

People didn't actually say those things did they?

Yep, genuinely said by 2 parents. They are the only 2 to have introduced themselves so far on the page.
I think the other 25 members that have joined so far are holding back as they cannot compete with those introductions.
Either that or they think they are as crazy as I do!
Genuinely 1 parent saying we will overheard her speaking Russian and the other one saying “thank goodness it’s primary school time, my daughter is extremely ready for this as she enjoys reading literature aimed at 10 year olds” Although now I’ve re-read her post I suppose she COULD mean that Sophia enjoys having it read to her? Either way, we enjoy the Gruffalo and Stick Man in this house!

It’s Ok, another parent has just introduced herself.
She seems fine.
Got a daughter at nursery and is really excited to be starting school with her cousins.

Oh, I’ve obviously changed the children’s names.
They’re not Tarquin and Sophia.
Don’t want to out myself to people I’m seeing daily for the next 7 years.

Got to be London?

Hmm. I doubt they actually said that. Try not to start off being judgey too it never gets you anywhere.

Is this a thing I'm not on FB so I guess I'm safe

Haha, love it

To be fair it doesn’t really surprise me, as similar has been happening since my antenatal class.
Did no one else have this? We even had an antenatal Facebook group where parents were bragging that they earned too much to qualify for child benefit, and that babies could sit up at 8 weeks old.
Must be the area I live in!

You should definitely post your suggested post - everyone will be massively relieved and love you instantly!

Don’t join - that’s the trick. Ignore it and any WhatsApp groups and live in blissful ignorance.

Oh yes OP you should definitely post a gin emoji and let everyone know you'll be the one with your hair scraped back all anyhow because you're far too cool for all the Russian and whatnot.

Do you blog? You definitely should. You're dead funny.

I learned recently and hopefully not too late (1 in primary and one in year 7) to completely ignore what other people do and say WRT their DC. Competing takes up a lot of time, mental and physical energy and money. Instead I just concentrate on what my own DC like, what they need help with and what they are doing. I don't have time fort the rest.

Let them all get on with it. They will be spending way too much time focusing on their own PR than what their DC need. My DC are doing really well in and out of school and I don't care what anyone else thinks or what their DC are doing.

Please don’t mock the small child glued to a book.

By all means have a crack at parents who insist little Reuben is superior to your billy because they flog him round ten extra curriculars a week but there’s really nothing unusual or weird about being able to start primary school with a love of, and ability to read, books. That’s a good thing surely?

#bookwormsunite

I’m thinking ignorance would have been bliss.
Just knew if I didn’t join then I’d be “that” parent that forgets non uniform days.
I am a little bit concerned re the knife situation though. Hoping the dinner ladies will help cut up food if the reception children need help!
3.5 year olds aren’t meant to be great at cutting, right?!

@Hypermice indeed! I started primary able to read children's novels (thinks like the Mary Plain books, Enid blyton etc). It didn't make me better or cleverer than any other child, it was just that reading was what I loved and was the main thing I did. Why sneer at children for what they love?!

Also, I don't believe these were real comments and unless OP posts screenshots I'll just think they're made up in an attempt to stir up judgment on MN.

And I’m 100% a book worm. My kindle is my life.
Although now I’m wondering if I should have been reading slightly more complex books to my LO than stick man!

Also multilingualism is pretty common. Ours has three languages because we are from Sweden/uk and he also has a class with many hearing impaired kids in so they do signing too.

There’s no hot housing or boasting or extra teaching, he just soaks it up. We are in a Scandinavian country so no formal schooling until 6-7 and that’s fine by us.

A child being able to read early is a good thing. Multiple languages are very common - we know kids who have five they use at home and school and with family. None of them are hothouses it’s just what happens in families where many languages are spoken.

My 3.5 year old is shit at cutting. Don't worry. And you may over heat us speaking Russian in the playground but it's not for his benefit, we're probably talking about all the other parents. Seriously.

being able to start primary school with a love of, and ability to read, books. That’s a good thing surely?

It's a bloody fabulous thing. The mother bragging about it, however, is not.

It's not mocking the child. It's mocking the parent who feels the need to obviously benchmark their child as 'gifted' during basic introductions. Just brace yourself OP as it'll be at least an annual occurrence when the reports come out but if you're school streams and has a sports day.......hope you got the place you were looking forward to for you little and enjoy every minute of this very special moment few weeks for your child.

I’ve just looked to see if I can screenshot but I really can’t.
It’s mentions “Tarquin’s” previous school, his siblings names and ages, his full name etc.
If I blanked all of the info out there would be nothing left, plus I don’t know how to blank out words on a mobile phone, plus I don’t want to end up in the Daily Mail, plus I don’t want to out myself with people my child has to be around for the next 7 years.
So no, I won’t be screen shotting.
Believe me, or don’t believe me, the choice is yours!!!
I’ve changed enough details in my posts that I am still anonymous and I’d like it to stay that way.