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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text first?

48 replies

Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:00

Just went on an online first date, it was good but not amazing. I felt like there was a connection - he bought the first drink, I bought the second then about two hours in he was like “I’ve got to make a move” 🤔 We said goodbye but it all felt a bit weird and abrupt. He’s not super confident, I don’t know if it’s a shyness thing? Should I text or wait for him too?

OP posts:
Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:07

Bump

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 15/04/2018 22:08

I would maybe send a thanks for nice evening thread.

Merryoldgoat · 15/04/2018 22:09

How did you leave it? Did he say anything about ‘next time’ or make any reference at all to a future date?

Are you actually keen? You sound a bit lukewarm...

Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:11

There were little jokes about doing things but no, he didn’t really tbh! I’m lukewarm yes but also because I don’t know he felt?

OP posts:
ObiJuanKenobi · 15/04/2018 22:12

You don't sound too convinced you particularly see it going anywhere so why the panic over texting him?
If you want to keep chat going / see him again then a breezey 'thanks again for a nice evening' would suffice!

Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:13

What would be a good text to send? I know he dates a lot but he made a point of saying how the 21st century online thing was quite artificial...

OP posts:
EweDoEwe · 15/04/2018 22:13

If I wanted to see him again I’d text “good to meet you, would you like to go out again on Friday for coffee/dinner/drinks/cinema?”

But then I can’t ge doing with the whole “will he text first, maybe he’s shy, blah blah blah”. The date sounds a bit awkward from what you’ve written and I wouldn’t waste too much time dragging it out.

Arrange another date or move on!

Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:16

Ok I sent “thanks for a nice evening, good to meet you x”

It wasn’t super sparky but we had strange stuff in common and I’m not sure if it’s a shyness thing? Or if he’s just not into me ha

OP posts:
keepingbees · 15/04/2018 22:16

What EwedoEwe said.

Fruitcorner123 · 15/04/2018 22:17

"Thanks for a nice evening. Would be lovely to do it again"
Not a question that he feels he has to reply to but positive enough to let him know you enjoyed it and probably would like to ses him again. If hes not interested and rude he just won't reply. If he's not interested and polite he will probably reply but not suggest a date/time for meet up. Just something vague.

LadyLaSnack · 15/04/2018 22:18

EweDoEwe I wish I’d had you in my ear all the years I was single and dating. Your attitude would have saved me so much wasted time and heartbreak!!

Fruitcorner123 · 15/04/2018 22:18

Your text sounds fine. Hope he replies

Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:20

He’s just replied: “pleasure - likewise! x”

OP posts:
Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:20

What the hell

OP posts:
keepingbees · 15/04/2018 22:21

Hmm not much you can say to that. I would probably chalk this one up to experience

Crispbutty · 15/04/2018 22:21

I would reply “fancy doing xxx on xxx” and arrange something for later in the week and see how he replies

Allthewaves · 15/04/2018 22:22

He could be shy. Leave until tom and text him if if he'd like to go to movies at the weekend or something.

Qwertytypewriter · 15/04/2018 22:22

If he mentioned that he dates a lot, I doubt he's really shy OP...I'd leave it now, don't contact him further unless he replies.

ferntwist · 15/04/2018 22:25

Please please don’t ask him out OP. He’s got your number and will ask you on the next date if he’s interested. If not, you’ll end up wasting time by asking him out when he’s not that into seeing you again.

Original poster
Humbleton · 15/04/2018 22:25

I’m not!

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 15/04/2018 22:29

I wouldn't ask him again. All sounds very awkward.

Crispbutty · 15/04/2018 22:36

If you don’t want to see him again fair enough, but if you do, why wouldn’t you text first?

I’ve never understood all the waiting for a man to make the first moves.

ferntwist · 15/04/2018 22:38

OP there’s a great book called The Rules, all about this kind of thing. Totally recommend it. They’ve done an internet dating one as well.

Pinkvoid · 15/04/2018 22:40

Serial daters aren’t shy. Everyone knows how much bloody confidence you need to go on even one first date never mind multiple... He blew you off after two drinks and didn’t text you afterwards, then when you text him he replied incredibly closed off in a way you cannot really respond. He’s not that into you, sorry OP.

iloveruby · 15/04/2018 22:52

Definitely don’t send another message or ask out- if he is interested then he will get in touch, but he sounds very closed / not very interested