Im too stupid to ever earn more than the minimum wage

[Uncertainsausages]

Panicking just a little. Job searching and I can't even understand half the job titles out there. Everything needs skills I don't have!

I don't even have a driving license, let alone experience in different computer programmes.

On good days I don't feel particularly stupid, but let me tell you job searching makes me feel spectacularly worthless. I will never be able to earn enough to support myself without government assistance in the form of benefit top ups. Top ups which I don't feel confident will be around many more years.

I have tried to do night classes to upskill and am rubbish - I just think I can't learn. My brain sort of freezes in panic, then I make stupid mistake after stupid mistake, until I'm nearly crying and just want to run away.

That has to be the definition of stupid, right?

Feel really down today.

I was thinking working memory issues too.

I have them, despite being assessed as being intelligent. Makes me feel thick as fuck at times. I have to keep repeating to myself that I have the paperwork to prove I’m not stupid. Not sure I believe it though.

Nowadays i can avoid jobs where I need working memory. Unfortunately all the minimum wage type jobs, shop work bar and catering need really good working memory. It’s crazy but the type of stuff I do now, a complicated techie profession I find a million times easier than working on a Bar.

You write beautifully OP. There is something out there for you.

And thinking about it, I did a couple of hours volunteering on the bar at the village fete recently. Brought me out in a cold sweat just thinking of it.

OP, I wonder if you might have undiagnosed dyspraxia? A lot of the problems you describe fall under this diagnosis, such as poor working memory, trouble with computers/mechanical things (spatial awareness) and multi tasking (executive function). So high intelligence but difficulty with what other people think are ‘basic’ practical things that come easily to them. It might be worth going to your GP and asking for an assessment.

Hi OP! I'm a extremely stupid but really nice. I'm friendly and fun so I work in customer service. Before my DD I progressed to management in my field and earnt £19k starting. That was a good wage for me and only a few years ago.

I can barely add and I get confused really easily but with time and hard work I made a good life for myself.

If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. The first thing that will be required for you will be to change your perception of what is possible. Before that, it sounds like you will not allow yourself to succeed because you have decided you don’t deserve it.

I know it’s easy enough for me to say that, and I don’t live in your head, but perhaps you can start with a combination of exercises that involve writing down (not just thinking) EVERYTHING that you have achieved in your life. EVERYTHING. Be generous and kind to yourself and review and add to that list regularly to move your point of view to one where you believe in yourself. Everyone here is doing this, but you need to join us.

Then, in terms of your professional life, perhaps you need to think of it the other way round, and work out what you want to spend your attention on, and then work from there to find a way to monetise that. Finding opportunity through people you know, and the people they know, will probably be much more rewarding than cold job searching on the internet, which is a bleak and impersonal affair. At the end of the day, employers are concerned about hiring people that add value. All the bullshit interviews etc are just a way of filtering out unsuitable candidates, and it’s a bit of a lottery.

Do you know what you want to spend your attention on? Doesn’t have to be a “job”. Could be “talking to people”, “organising”, “making things with my hands”.

Maybe you could put that list of interests on here, and MNers can help transform that into some direction to move forward with?

Hi uncertain I have felt exactly the same as you describe. There are still aspects to my job that I struggle to get my head around. Anything computer wise, unless it's a daily/weekly occurrence, I may as well have never done it before in my life as my mind just goes blank. I have to write every step of every task in bullet points or nothing would happen.
I have decided over the last couple of years I am blagging it in a job that isn't the right fit and am going to try something completely different. Although I am stressed about that also.
Could it be that as a pp suggested, you haven't found your calling yet?
Do you have any idea what you would like to do? Where your interests lie?

Hiya! You’re not alone. I’ve spent most of my life feeling thick. I know I’m not, but I’ve struggled with ‘intelligence’ stuff. Things just don’t ‘occur’ to me, iyswim? I’ve been put into management posts, but I’ve realised that despite being a thinker, I don’t have the fast, analytical thinking ability, or the ability to see the obvious answer. I can’t write essays- it all becomes jumbled, and I lose track of what I want to write, but my spelling and knowledge of grammar are good. I have the ability to learn- I’ve got 2 degrees and an HND, but thinking like a graduate is beyond me. I’ve always been told I’m an underachiever- wasting potential. My darling ex in-laws treated me badly because of it- I was never ‘manly’ enough. I don’t really ‘get’ friendships, or interpersonal relationships in general. It’s like I don’t understand the rules. I certainly can’t do ‘bloke’. I hate the feeling of inadequacy that goes with it. I can’t drive either. I can operate the machine, as it were, but I don’t have the spatial awareness to actually use it. I can ride a motorbike though (a vastly more complex machine)- explain that...
However, when I was 37, I saw an ed.psych who diagnosed me with dyspraxia. It all fell into place. The poor co-ordination, the not walking til I was 16 months old, the ‘shite-at -football-last-to-be-picked’-ness. The can’t walk on ice, the whole struggle. It can’t be cured, and there isn’t a solution. I’ve still got the problems, but there was such a feeling of relief to know there was a reason for it. I’ve learned to accept that I have limitations, but also to live within them. Some things are beyond me, but there are others that aren’t, so I strive for those. I’m 51 now, I do a job I’m good at. I won’t set the world alight, but that is ok. I haven’t achieved what society says I should have. I don’t own a house, my pension will be non existent, etc, but that isn’t there all or end all. I’ve achieved what I’ve got in spite of the dyspraxia and the severe mental illness I’ve fought all my life. I’ve ditched the abusive ex. I’m with a person who loves me for what I am, and has shown me what a real relationship is.

Op I think you may have to check back on the thread. I'm assuming you changed your name for a reason so may want it deleted.

Sorry wrong post

OP I'll disclose my background...

Yes I'm nurse now, and I'm doing quite well, but I left school with no GCSEs and bounced from minimum wage job to minimum wage job eg catering, waitressing, admin, factory work. Then I started picking up agency admin work and my confidence grew from there.

What do you enjoy? What hobbies do you have? Look at training related to those... No point in training in things you hate, with the exception of maths and English. You write really articulately, if you don't have a level 2 qualification in English start there.

Don't be so hard on yourself

Oh, and a PP mentioned dyspraxia, I'm very obviously dyspraxic, my life was much easier once diagnosed, i now make instruction flow charts for myself on the computer and print them off! Still can't find my way around without sat nav though 😉

You don’t sound stupid - but you sound like you have very low self esteem .

My partner also struggles with learning new things and I believe he has a mild learning problem . He also does MW wage work .

Can I ask have you done any of the really basic courses for

Word
Excel

What other programme are they mentioning that you have not heard of ?

There is no silver bullet here but learning the very basic ones is do able and will help a bit

Also remember that a smile and common sense and a good attitude will take you far

What is your current status ?

I can totally sympathise as i have always considered myself to be very average and my career has never been great. other people seem so much more capable and i think a lot of that is actually fake.
you have youth on your side and i urge you not to think like this and to believe in yourself a lot more. i know its hard, but your not stupid at all.
i know i'm not being very helpful here, just wanted to say hang on in there and dont put yourself down.

You're clearly far from stupid, you're able to forum cohesive arguments and are very articulate.

I'm not saying you don't have issues processing some things, and clearly you may be struggling with some other issues like low self esteem and anxièty.

I'm not going to attempt to diagnose, but I will say you're very very far from stupid. Whatever you do next, understanding that must be your starting block.

You know what is great about 2018? You can google anything, there are instructional videos on YouTube on how to do stuff on Word etc.

Sometimes you just need your memory refreshed.

I have a degree in English and yet I volunteer in a primary school and the work sometimes brings me out in a cold sweat, mainly maths. I do have a maths GCSE and as I have a degree I suppose I am meant to be smart but seriously, year 5 maths is hard

It is about the approach, you are very negative and that will be self perpetuating. I spend a lot of time in the classroom boosting the confidence of children who tell me they can't do something.

Have you been told by parents/teachers that you are stupid? Because you clearly aren't. Stop the internal dialogue of negative thoughts toward learning and start realising that you are smart. You can learn new things and you will do well.

I totally agree with a pp who said if you are actually quite intelligent (as you sound from your posts and the fact you did well at school) but have some of the problems mentioned related to dyspraxia or similar conditions (dyslexic, dyscalcular and autism are some others) , it may be what's holding you back. You might in fact struggle more with one of the so called unskilled minimum wage jobs but do really well in a higher qualified or skilled position that suits your particular abilities. A pp mentioned that if you struggle with everyday tasks like housework, driving and so on, due to these type of problems (spatial awareness, multitasking, organising and so on) and maybe you have had a few unskilled jobs you didn't do well at for the same reasons it can really make you lose confidence in yourself.

Firstly, you need to stop the negative self-talk. Constantly telling yourself that you are stupid and you can’t learn is hypnotising your subconcious mind to totally believe it and turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are doing the right thing by looking at how to upgrade your skills and get better qualifications. I think the key is look into doing a course you are 100% interested in, so it will keep your motivation going when you come across a block.

I generally find that intelligence and actually being good at jobs are two very different things. I’m very intelligent in the academic sense but am a completely bloody useless employee it took me until my 30s to find something I was good at and even then I’ll never be rich - but don’t give up hope, you WILL find your niche.

Definitely NOT stupid. There are some very good courses on Udemy and Lynda.com that you might want to look at, covering a huge range of topics. No pressure too, you can take them at your own pace. Both often have sales too.

Be kind to yourself

SilverHairedCat what a wonderful post and so very true I hope the OP takes note of what you have said

Hi op I can relate to how you feel as I feel like this everyday.
I've worked nmw jobs and left school with no qualifications, I am self employed in manual work at the moment but I am not fulfilled or content with it.

Have you thought about returning to college or uni?

I'm returning f/t on an access course after over 10yrs out of education, I'm feeling the imposter syndrome and the pressure to do well and it's all my own making.

I think you are intelligent but possibly lacking confidence, have courage.

Oh OP. This is all confidence. It’s heartbreaking to see such a lack of confidence. Did people tell you how great you were when you were younger?

Honestly job application is just another language. I’ve just received my cv review. Apparently I wasn’t selling myself. I listed my qualifications and roles, way above what I was applying for because I’m changing careers. Apparently I need to (to my mind) absolute nonsense about managing seamless changes in business direction and being the conflict resolution lead, that was the flipping job! I don’t get it, it’s the secret box ticking that makes you feel stupid. I’ve only done recruitment twice and I had no idea what people were going on about. I wasnt the first be reaponsible thank goodness.
I would say people are very good at their own press.

OP - you sound exactly like me. Exactly. I got really good grades at school but I have never earned more than min wage, and when people start explaining stuff at me I go blank. I wouldn't describe myself as stupid but I actually don't think I am particularly employable, my practical skills don't seem to fit any of the obvious job roles out there at all. I went freelance a few years after my DD was born and though I love what I do (really love it) I earn peanuts - my yearly wages are laughable and frankly if it wasn't for my DH I would probably be cleaning toilets for a living. I know I've got loads to offer, but in a practical sense out in the wider world I feel like I'm fit for nothing. And I realised years ago that I am absolutely shite at making money. If I could go back to the beginning and start all over again I would do things so differently. I'm determined my DD won't make the same mistakes I have.

It's giving me a lift to read about others who have had similar struggles, and that some of you have managed to find a way around the difficulty. And are now quite happy.

I'm trying to think of things I am good at. So far though, I can't think of anything that outweighs the big panic at trying to grasp new things.

Are there tools to help prop up a dodgy working memory?