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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im too stupid to ever earn more than the minimum wage

86 replies

Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 21:33

Panicking just a little. Job searching and I can't even understand half the job titles out there. Everything needs skills I don't have!

I don't even have a driving license, let alone experience in different computer programmes.

On good days I don't feel particularly stupid, but let me tell you job searching makes me feel spectacularly worthless. I will never be able to earn enough to support myself without government assistance in the form of benefit top ups. Top ups which I don't feel confident will be around many more years.

I have tried to do night classes to upskill and am rubbish - I just think I can't learn. My brain sort of freezes in panic, then I make stupid mistake after stupid mistake, until I'm nearly crying and just want to run away.

That has to be the definition of stupid, right?

Feel really down today.

OP posts:
TinaTop · 15/04/2018 22:06

I have three postgraduate qualifications but for most of my life I've barely exceeded minimum wage. Money has nothing to do with intelligence and an awful lot to do with good luck and getting a decent job opportunity. Not getting a good job doesn't make you stupid.

OrangeCrush19 · 15/04/2018 22:08

You’re not awful at everything. I write for a living and believe me, you can write well. You’re clear, articulate and consistent. Most of the people I come across through work aren’t. What else can you do? Can you cook a meal from scratch (organisation)? Do you have friends? Kids? Hobbies? What would your dream job be?

Pollaidh · 15/04/2018 22:10

You're articulate and write well.

What do you enjoy doing? What are your hobbies?

GretchenFranklin · 15/04/2018 22:11

Could you have ADHD do you think OP?

I ask because there was a post on here about a year ago and by the end of the thread I and nearly everybody else had self-diagnosed themselves with it. It's not just running around being naughty apparently(!) it's an inability to focus when learning, amongst other interesting characteristics.

GretchenFranklin · 15/04/2018 22:14

Actually, NOT an 'inability' to do anything. Just have to work harder in some ways than others, I mean.

EssexMummy123456 · 15/04/2018 22:19

Goodness - you are giving yourself a hard time, making mistakes is par for the course when you are learning something new. Its practise and persistence that gets you to your goals.

Is there a particular dream job you had in mind when you signed up for night courses?

UpstartCrow · 15/04/2018 22:20

Uncertainsausages You aren't stupid, you are anxious and lack confidence. I'm pretty sure CBT and assertiveness classes could make a difference top your life.

You are articulate and you write well. Do you enjoy writing?

Moxiebelle · 15/04/2018 22:22

My husband is quite intelligent and excellent at maths he can do all sorts of calculations in his head, but he just likes working in a factory. He's done it most of his working life. He's just not very ambitious and likes manual work and driving a forklift. We do make ends meet so don't feel like a minimum wage job is the end of the world. It's whether you can find something you enjoy doing.

carefreeeee · 15/04/2018 22:25

Sounds as though your problem is anxiety/lack of confidence rather than stupidity. I don't really believe many people are too stupid to have a good job. Most people are good at lots of things that may not be obvious in terms of gcse results. However many people may lack the opportunity, self belief or support to get very far.
It doesn't sound as though you actually know what you want, other than better pay.

Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 22:39

I do enjoy writing, and my short term or part time roles have all involved a fair bit of writing.

But I'm never kept on, as I struggle with using computer programmes and can't pick them up fast enough. Or worse - I'll be using Word which I do know fairly well, then with a deadline and a boss breathing down my neck I'll panic and 'forget' how to use parts of it.

I'm really bad under pressure in a noisy office because I can't concentrate. But I am actually great under pressure if I have peace and quiet!

OP posts:
Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 22:43

I can't make ends meet long term on a very low wage. It's fine until I'm hit with a big expense.

That's leaving out the fact is like to actually have a life of sorts with a little spare cash to have a few treats and hobbies. There has got to be more to life than scraping by.

I'd also like to have a child one day which I refuse to do in a very financially precarious situation. So I need to work out what I can be good at, to afford a decent life for myself and hopefully maybe a child.

OP posts:
Whydoilooksoold · 15/04/2018 22:44

I notice that quite a few people have introduced themselves by telling you they have a degrees, post grad/masters etc etc. I am sure that is making you feel better about yourself.....not!!!

I left school with one CSE pass in English (dad died aged 12 and I went off the rails) I went to college, got expelled and ended up getting a job doing filing in an office (this was in 1984) and stayed there 5 years.

I had a few other office jobs until I spotted a job advertised with a huge well known company. I wrote to them (letters in those days) and they sent me an application form/job spec. After reading the job spec I threw it into the bin as I knew it was way above me. A week later they called me to ask where my completed application was and to invite me for an interview. I lied and said I'd posted it. I went for the interview and at the end I said "Are you going to give me the job then"?

Two days later they called and offered it to me. They told me that they offered it to me because I was the only candidate who had actually had the nerve to ask for the job. Within a few short years I was organising daily routines for 25 guys in 3 different locations....and still had just the one CSE qualification.

Admittedly this was in the 90's and would probably not happen now but I was proof that a little confidence goes a very long way. My friend's husband travels abroad constantly with his job and I asked her which uni he'd gone to. She laughed and said "Uni? God no he did terribly at school. He started working at this company on the factory floor and has just worked his way up.

Feeling stupid is entirely different from being stupid. You said you were good at school so not sure how you could be stupid. I think you go into panic when asked a question and your brain just can't function/concentrate as you are so worried you don't know the answer.

NormHonal · 15/04/2018 22:46

OP I have a masters degree from a top university and am back on minimum wage.

Stupidity comes in many different forms. You're self-aware and therefore most definitely NOT stupid in my book!

ConfusedWife1234 · 15/04/2018 22:46

I am not sure if this is possible in the UK but I know in other countries it is possible to have your abilities tested at the employment office so that you know what you are best at. Some find it very helpful.

Whydoilooksoold · 15/04/2018 22:50

Don't be offended but are you writing/wording the posts we see here yourself?

Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 22:50

The very idea of having my abilities tested throws me into a sweaty panicky spin!

OP posts:
Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 22:52

What do you mean am I writing the posts? Yes I am. I'm sure they flag up all sorts of flaws, I know that, I won't take offence.

OP posts:
Whydoilooksoold · 15/04/2018 22:57

Tbh I kind of toyed with the idea that this was a wind up thread because if you have written these posts yourself you cannot possibly be stupid. Grammar and punctuation of this level could not be used by someone stupid.

So you truthfully believe you are stupid?

mogulfield · 15/04/2018 23:05

I have new born so am quite sleep deprived but Will try and explain this as best I can...
You just haven’t found your calling yet... I was in a few low paid jobs when I was first a graduate, I couldn’t get any decent jobs... I was a bad waitress, a terrible factory worker, wasn’t very good at cleaning.
Thought to myself, If I can’t even do these jobs well then surely Il never have a professional career?
Someone gave me a shot and I’m now 10 years into a successful professional career, I have a Masters in my chosen field, and with allowances in my role I earned around £60k last year. As well as leading teams and having some serious responsibility (I was once in charge of 600 people, which I consider to be a lot!).
My point being, you’re not rubbish. You just haven’t found the thing you’re great at yet. It’s ok to be rubbish at lower skilled jobs, it doesn’t mean you won’t excel at the more professional ones.
My advice is to keep applying even when you think you’ll never get there, you will be successful in the end.

Aylarose · 15/04/2018 23:14

Hi OP,

I agree with other posters that you sound very articulate.

It is also clear from that fact that you did well at school, that you are most definitely not "too stupid to earn more than minimum wage".

It is entirely possible though that you have a specific issue with attention or working memory, which makes learning more difficult.

velouria · 15/04/2018 23:18

I'm not stupid, it's the one thing about myself I'm not insecure about, barely ever earned above the minimum wage. You need to decide on a career that will suit you and go for it. If you have the gumption to take classes and try and better yourself you have the ability to succeed.

Don't just take random classes, have a plan, take an access course, go to uni, have known lots of people who have done this.

If you don't understand something keep asking, you have the ability to understand.

Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 23:26

I truthfully do believe I'm stupid. Honestly, I wish that I didn't believe it because it makes me feel so down.

Confidence is low and I do recognise I didn't always think this, and that just because it FEELS true it doesn't mean it US true.

I do believe I'm fairly articulate but if anything that worries me even more. As if I'm all style over substance - so I can waffle on and talk about things. but lack the real intelligence needed to go in and actually do something. Learn to use a new programme adequately, or learn how to efficiently carry out a big project, or learn how to manage multiple demanding tasks at once. Etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 23:27

IS not US!

OP posts:
Original poster
Uncertainsausages · 15/04/2018 23:30

That's interesting - the mention of working memory. My long term memory is great. However, if I have a sequence of steps to remember to operate something... Well fucking hell it just takes forever. People look at me with pity. I get very nervous being watched when trying to pick something up.

OP posts:
OutofSyncGirl · 15/04/2018 23:33

I’m quite academic and did well at school but I’m autistic. Many of my friends who only got a few GCSEs have got themselves lucrative careers.