To think late 20s is a confusing and weird time of life?

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This, really. Of course different stages in life present different challenges, and late 20s is still very young in the scheme of things. However it doesn't seem as forgiving as the early 20s, especially as 30 approaches - my single friends are focusing on their careers, my married friends are starting to have babies. I feel paths starting to split between those friends with mortgages and babies, and those who are still very much focused on themselves and their careers and gym and travel etc. I'm somewhere in the middle, married but no children and I'm feeling this invisible pressure from nowhere in particular to be swept along the children and mortgage path, but I know I'm just not ready for that. However I feel too old to be out being wild and reckless like in my teens and early 20s - no one my age seems to be doing that anymore. Things seem to have gotten very serious and 'adult', so to speak, and I'm not sure I feel at ease with it.

Does/did anyone else feel the same way at this age? There are plenty of movies about the push and pull people feel at this age between 'adult' life and the life they had just a few years before e.g. The Lifeguard, The Last Kiss so I'm interested to know where you were at at this age and how you reconciled it.

YES. You aren't alone, I promise!

I'm 30 now but felt so confused and uncertain in my late 20s. When you're early 20s you still have that sense of your whole life and its possibilities stretching out before you. Late 20s you start to feel like the choices you make will determine your life forever and that every path you take closes off another. You see your friends choosing their paths and worry if yours is different or if you don't know what to do.

Please be reassured that the feeling passes - you'll see that your whole life is still lying before you and you have every opportunity you will need. Life is much, much better at 30!

@Catspaws exactly, it feels like people are setting themselves up for the rest of their lives with quite permanent and lasting choices such as house purchases, children etc. I feel envious of younger people, of my younger self really. It just doesn't feel like much fun and I think a lot of my friends have accepted this and moved on to more 'adult' things, but I'm having trouble letting go of the excitement I had just a few short years ago and a bit resentful of the expectation that I should have it all together.

I have been told that the 30s are fantastic though, still loads of energy but more security and less self-doubt. At the moment I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the divergence of everyone's paths and my place in it all.

Yes I found late 20s quite hard. Early 30s were good as career progressed, wedding etc. Now late 30s is hard with young children and parents who are getting older and less healthy. I have heard 40s can be quite stressful for juggling family of different ages....

Yep, same. Though for me it hit at 30. I hid my head in the sand while I was still a twenty-something!!
I’m thirty-two now, it is getting easier, even though I don’t have marriage or house or children yet. You don’t lose freedom, it’s just ‘levelliing up’ (pardon the phrase!) with bigger decisions, but they open doors as well as close them. It reminds me of the feeling of choosing A-Levels and degree subject back at age 16/17. That was a very ‘this shit got real’ ‘closing doors is scary’ ‘where is my life going’ sort of time too, in its own, immature way. I think turning 29/30 is the same sort of watershed, at the end of a decade. Marriage and houses and children are new decisions we face, but our lives and outlook soon adjust to it and it all seems less of a huge deal.

Yep, shit is most definitely getting real. What happened to all the crazy nights out and general mischief? It was only just a few years ago. I feel somewhat alone in lamenting the loss of it all when my friends are just getting on with it - my feed is full of babies. I feel very uncertain of where I'm heading but it feels that there is a lot less tolerance of not knowing and not sorting myself out, and I feel I'm falling behind in all areas, career, financially, family etc.

I know exactly how you feel, but literally nobody is keeping track of us. There is no ‘behind’, unless it’s a race to the grave. (Bit depressing).

I’ve seen friends who I suspect have just got married because they felt they should, and I know at least one has had a child ‘In case I regret not having one in the future’ I’m not jealous of them.

I can’t advise as I haven’t got it all sorted either, but anyway YADNBU!
I am just adopting ‘I did it my way’ as a motto!

I'm 29 and can really relate to your OP although my situation is very different.

I had DC1 when I was 24 and DC2 when I was 27 so life has been quieter for me for a number of years now. Recently I've started almost grieving my youth (I know that sounds extremely dramatic) but the thought just hit me recently that my party days are over and I'm moving on to a new, older, supposedly wiser time in my life. I don't feel ready for it though and it's giving me anxiety. I wouldn't change my kids for the world, they're the best thing that has ever happened in my life, but I also feel a little bit like I missed out on those last 5 years of fun in my 20s without realising it at the time - if that makes sense.

I'm hoping people are right that the feeling passes. It's just that 30 seems so much more grown up than I feel.

Your 20s are just a continuation of your teen years but with more confusion and loads of responsibility thrown in. I'm in my 40s and I LOVE it. It's a fabulous time of life. I wouldn't go back for anything.

I think you're right. I've done it all arse end up. I had DD very young, so most of my friends with kids of a similar age are about 10 years older...past few years I've felt the clock ticking.

I've got just over two years until I hit the big 3-0. I am shitting it. I need to grow up in that time, it's just not cute to be hitting 30 and feeling as lost as I do.

I've done very little with my life, I need to get somewhere before 30 or it's just a bit sad.

I much preferred late 20's to my 30's.

Late 20's - happily married, house, good job that I was successful in. Plenty of travel.

30's - young children. (Had them at 30, 32 and 36.)
No sleep. Permanently knackered.

I've got 6 months until I hit the big 3-0. And I'm dreading it lol. I felt I had more shit figured out in my early 20's than I do now.

I also realised that I was grown up when I went to my friends christening and wore a maxi skirt, and long sleeved top. No flesh on display!

But that could be because my daughters destroyed my body lol.

Yes definitely, I had my mid life crisis in my late twenties, I was so ill and had a small child, I found out much later on I'd had glandular fever

30 too old to go out partying???

I'm 30, married, have a baby, and still manage to go on nights out and drink cocktails. Don't sell yourself short!

Enjoy it! You have the best of both worlds, the wedding is paid for you've met DH and the world is your oyster, travel, go out, be spontaneous, have breakfast in bed occasionally, do all the things you won't be able to do so freely if you do have children. Most of the people I know who had a wobble late twenties, it was because they couldn't see where they were going, eg dead end job, no partner, maybe still living with parents , or had kids very young and had a sense of missing out (but that they were, just felt that way) and thinking oh god I'm nearly thirty what am I doing with my life. I'm now approaching 34 and they're all in very different places now. The only issue you've got is deciding what to do next, lucky!

I had 3 children in my late 20s and three more early 30s. Now 50 a Gran snd they all grown up. Finally it feels like dh and I can do naughty things like go away for weekends and drink copious wine in the garden on s Saturday. I feel like I should have in my late 20s but had too much responsibility then.

I don’t feel middle aged though not one bit inside. The mirror disagrees

I can tell you what NOT to do...

I’m now 34 and can recall feeling the way you describe in my late 20s. It seems utterly bizarre now but I remember writing in a journal after binge watching The Vampire Diaries, “I’ll be 30 soon and all I can think is does that mean I won’t be allowed to have crushes on vampires anymore?” I can’t believe at that age I was so immature. I just wanted to keep on having fun but was aware I was getting older and I was scared of looking stupid - as you say, it starts to become an unforgiving time.

I panicked at 29, started dating frantically after never being that bothered and went back into full time education to do an MA in a vocational arts related subject which ended up like being another adolescence. I was a very mature, studious non partying teenager but somehow ended up being a bit stupid and reckless during my course, drinking and partying more than I ever did in my teens or early twenties. The rest of the mature students were the same. I also fell in love in a very romantic, dramatic and ultimately stormy way and got my heart utterly put through the NutriNinja. At 31 I found myself single, heartbroken and working jobs I hated. I got fantastic results in the MA but career wise it didn’t lead where I’d hoped...at least up till now it hasn’t.

I’m now looking around me and seeing that I royally screwed up my late twenties and early thirties and I hugely regret it. Right now I would really like to be settled in my own home, in a loving relationship with a couple of young children and working a job that affords a good work life balance. Instead, I’ve not even been on a date in three years since I got my heartbroken and thanks to being a freelancer I can’t currently get a mortgage due to my income fluctuating which isn’t helped by the fact that my career seems to have stalled. I’m worried I’ve left it way too late to find a decent man and be able to have children naturally and that’s leading to a depression that I’m struggling to lift myself out of.

The people that I went to school with who, in my opinion, are doing well right now are the ones that were very clever in their strategies in their twenties. They didn’t just drift through life in an artsy bohemian fashion like me. They didn’t wait for “true love” or the perfect job. They were just very sensible and took on responsibility at an age with other people might have thought was young. They are also pretty content with “good enough” and find happiness in the little things. Not a perfectionist like me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve travelled loads, I’ve had some amazing life experiences and to most people I come across as independent and passionate with an exciting life but by god do I regret leaving the settling down part so late. My life feels like something massive is missing from it. I used to crave adventure but now I feel rootless.

If I could go back to your age, I would definitely be putting a plan in place and thinking carefully about what I want my thirties to look like. The past five years have absolutely flown by. Try and figure out exactly what it is you want or don’t want and start putting pen to paper and coming up with some ideas and talking it over with your OH...especially with mortgages and babies etc! Think about where you want to be at 35 and work back from there to figure out what you should be doing now. Fit in some adventures and bucket list items too. Life will happen regardless, just make sure you are in the driving seat.

Mid to late 20’s for me were awful. Had a very traumatic relationship breakdown and the stress of a mortgage suddenly by myself. It was very lonely seeing friends get married and to be unexpectedly alone and now that I’m now mid 30’s those friends have totally disappeared as only do things with their kids to which they don’t invite the non parent people. Whilst I’m sad that friends who I did a lot with in my 20’s have moved on to such an extent they haven’t even commented on the fact I am getting married soon I have come to terms with the fact that life moves on, I’m in a very happy relationship now and have other friends who I do things with who reflect who I am now. I think your 20’s can end up very divided into settle downers and party-ers and if you don’t fall in either camp then it is tricky.

I just turned 29 and I do feel weird I was reckless up until now but I feel this is my last year to be reckless do I'm going to do a lot of travelling this year and look to open a business
I don't have children but I have been thinking about it recently but I think I will wait until 30 plus
I'm not doing bad for 29 but I don't have a career yet I just work in admin and have a bit of savings

cause people live longer I think you're still young up until about 35

All the points of transition are really hard
From my point of view:

school to university
graduating to post grad/working
Single to commited
childless to having children
having children to children moving on
being an adult to being a person in old age.

It is all hard- and great too.

But if I was back to being in my late 20s I would rejoice in my youth and think long and hard about what I wanted - should really emphasise that I! And do it. It is a fabulous age. young, people your age want to connect etc. You don't have to move to marrachech or anything just think - in the context of my job and my salary and my friends and my town - what do I want to do.

Not me! I loved my late 20s. Grown up enough to know my own mind, had found a career I loved. Still felt like there was plenty of time ahead of me for all the big life decisions - no hurry about having children or buying a house.

I had been looking forward to being 27 from the time I was about 22, and would have loved to stick with that age forever!

Interesting responses all. I just woke up to a message from my childhood best friend who has just given birth to her second child so I'm thinking yet again about how our paths diverge. I know my friends with children are experiencing the struggles of being a young mother, yet I think that in 10 years they may be glad they did. Or maybe they'll feel they missed out. There's no way of knowing.

@ShadyLady53 that's really interesting, in some ways I would like to do exactly what you did and go a bit wild as a kind of 'last hurrah'. But I feel this is just me struggling to reconcile where I am now with where I was at just a few years ago. The grass isn't always greener, is it. But then again some people I know are having a great reckless time and it all works out for them.

@hamburgers I do go out of course but there seems to be less people willing to do it with me! It's great you still manage to have nights out. Maybe my friends are just a bit boring

I think I personally struggle a lot with nostalgia and rose-tinted glasses - in my early 20s I was miserable over some guy most of the time, yet somehow all I can think about is the excitement of it all. I'm much more content now, but I can't help but feel a bit jealous of my younger reckless self!

OP I 1 million per cent agree with you.

When I was 23-26 I thought I had it all figured out: long-term relationship with great guy, plans for marriage, buying a home and kids, stable job, boring but safe lifestyle.

Fast forward to age 29: I an single, changing career and moving countries to follow a cool job opportunity, I spent the last 18 months partying like crazy, having ONSs and getting into the worst possible flings/relationships with sub-human male specimens that made me feel crazy emotions but ultimately brole my heart like no one had ever done before.

Of course this process of self-discovery and soul-searching was incredibly painful too, and had a real impact on my self esteem and confidence. But it was needed.

I am now, at age 29, about to start a new adventure in a foreign country. I don't know what the future holds for me but I haven't felt this alive since I can remember. So that's all I need to know I guess

I definitely have late 20s-itis too definitely. I found myself pregnant at 22 on my last year of uni, so the fun was cut short and it was a race against the clock to get my degree, and a house.

I'm 27 (nearly 28) now and although still young I the grand scheme of things, I feel trapped by day to day life, 4 yo to care for, house to keep, full time job too. Even if I wanted to have fun and go out partying I'm either too busy or too tired! I do feel like I should be doing more and taking advantage of still being in my 20s.

I have some friends getting on the property ladder, one just got married. One is travelling solo round South America.

We never know which is the 'right path' until we've chosen one I suppose.

I would just say that if you are thinking about having kids at some point, Don't leave it too late. I had mine at age 29 and 33, and after our second DD found I had widespread endometriosis, so if we had left it much later I might not have been able to have kids at all.