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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BIL’s dogs shitting in our garden AIBU?

79 replies

Iswallowtoothpaste · 15/04/2018 21:22

Myself, OH and our DC’s live on an ex farm (now just 2 barn conversions) OH’s ‘D’B and his OH live in the other barn conversion (inhereited from MIL).

We have a little bit of garden in front of our house and the DC’s have a slide, see saw and a small sandpit. BIL and his OH can only access their house via our garden and as a result, act as though they own it.

As far as we’re concerned, they the kings of the castle and we’re peasants. They’re incredibly stuck up, rude and obnoxious. BIL’s OH has openly admitted to hating children and I’m beginning to think that ours are no exception.

With the weather finally improving the DC’s wanted to play outside on their toys so I let them out and watched them from the kitchen window. 5 minutes later DD 2 comes in crying, she’s fallen over in dog shit. We had ‘talks’ over their dogs shitting in our garden a couple of years ago which seemed to resolve things (after a major tantrum off his GF) I cleaned DD up and walked round the garden and there a particular place that I hadn’t noticed with absolutely loads of the stuff.

Anyway, we were coming out of the house earlier and BIL walked past, DD shouts at him ‘ you need to pick your dog poo up.’ And he retaliated by saying ‘and you need to pick your sweet wrappers up that are outside your door.’ I’ve looked and looked and funnily enough can’t see any sweet wrappers. Reminded BIL that dog faeces can cause blindness and in relation to that, the (very) odd sweetie wrapper kind of pales into comparison. He kindly told me to fuck off.

We manage to avoid each other pretty well most of the time but every now and again something like this will read it’s head. Instead of taking it on the chin and doing something about it, they get defensive and it’s al tit for tat.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 09:33

MIL is half of the problem to be honest. She seemed to thrive over playing them off against each other. BIL has a criminal record for beating OH up too. MIL always stood up for BIL on that score and I’ve seen him have MIL up against the wall by her throat, myself and OH had to pull him off her and we reported him to the police but MIL denied that he’d done anything (as did he) sorry to drip feed .....

OP posts:

LakieLady · 16/04/2018 09:36

They sound appalling, OP.

I hate to repeat what has almost become a MN meme, but get a copy of your deeds from the Land Registry and check their access rights across your land. It may be possible (hard to say without a diagram), if the precise route of their access isn't defined, to fence off the bit of front garden they cross and provide an alternative path at the edge furthest from your house.

But I'd also pick up the dog poo, put it in a bucket and dump it outside their house.

BMW6 · 16/04/2018 09:38

Move. This will never be resolved from the sound of it.

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 09:39

slarty it is stupid and petty though. They don’t like the kids toys being out on the grass, they complain that my car wakes them both up on a morning when I go out to work, out washing line blocks the view of her car when I hang my washing out, moved the washing line and lo and behold that wasn’t right for her either.

We’ve been very accommodating in all honesty, I was speaking to one of her old neighbours a couple of weeks ago and they said that she fell out with everyone around her there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 09:41

I don’t want to start dumping the poo in their garden/by their doorstep as it will inevitably cause a shit storm (pardon the pun) and I don’t have the energy for it. We are looking to move but whether that’s possible with the way things are at the moment I’m just not sure.

OP posts:

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 16/04/2018 09:55

You need to move. Given the history, I don't see any other option.

ElsieMc · 16/04/2018 10:58

You will have to resolve access prior to any move and you need to focus on this. Whilst it may seem a pain in the arse and another confrontation, it has to be done so you can move on so you will have to find the energy.

My mil has a dispute with her neighbours over parking. They come out and scream at her when she parks on the roadside and its got really nasty. She is certainly not blameless. She recently told my dh it had all be resolved. Had to laugh when I saw a For Sale sign up outside ndn's house. Yes, sorted because they want to move. If it doesn't sell, it will back to daggers drawn!

Perhaps they may see sense if your relationship is that bad they may want to see the back of you as well. However, how will they cope if another family move in? Most people wont put up with that believe me.

PotteringAlong · 16/04/2018 11:16

Why on earth do you choose to live there? Just move house.

findingmyfeet12 · 16/04/2018 11:18

From what you've said op, I don't think there is a solution to this problem.

Both parties hate each other and violence and bad language have already been used.

Best to put up with it with as little confrontation as possible and move at the earliest opportunity.

Inertia · 16/04/2018 11:22

You'll need to sort out the access problem before you move anyway, nobody will buy a house with that sort of access arrangement. It would probably be worth paying for access changes in the long run, even if you have to pay for it all yourself.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/04/2018 11:23

Yes to moving.

'Yep BIL and SIL, we are looking to move. Clearly things aren't working for us now, so hopefully it won't take long. And this place would sell quickly - loads of space, we're thinking of making a few changes so it's attractive to folk with lots of kids, the kind of people who need space and outdoor space so kids can really let rip! And being sort of rural is good too - we're gonig to make sure we advertise that it's a good place to live if you're into trailbiking, motorbikes etc- loads of good riding nearby and space to store loads of bikes and stuff. Yep, with any luck you may have new neighbours soon...'

SendintheArdwolves · 16/04/2018 11:40

What is your end goal, OP?

Moral highground?

In which case, yes, you are 100% in the right and they sound awful. Comparing sweet wrappers to dog turds, how dare they, complaining about your kids toys in YOUR garden, etc etc, chunter chunter, the brass neck of those vile people, etc.

Dealing with the garden situation specifically?

Get your deeds from the land registry, suck up the entire cost of creating a way for them to access their property and securing their garden from their dog. Yes, yes, they should pay half, but what's more important - being able to enjoy your garden or being RIGHT?

Sorting out the living situation?

Move. You don't like these people, they don't like you, it isn't going to get better. Move.

Although (if I may be brutally honest here, OP) it sounds a little bit like you are more invested in being right than in fixing this situation. You choose to live next door to people who have assaulted your OH, have no respect for you and let their dog use your garden as a toilet. And you have no plans whatever to move, or even to fix the situation if they won't pay half and therefore it's FAIR. Are you sure you don't kind of enjoy the drama?

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 12:13

Well I didn’t specifically choose I live here to be fair, it’s OH’s house (well sort of, will explain in a tick) 🙄 he doesn’t want to move but is coming round to the idea.

This is where it gets confusing and I hope I’m not outed but MIL didn’t specify who had which house. BIL owns half of the house we live in and OH owns the other half then vice versa for BIL’s house. Hope you’re still with me!? We’re in a difficult position. We can’t just move really.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 12:21

No, I don’t enjoy the drama! I just want a quiet life and for my DC’s to be able to play out in the garden without worrying about dog shit ending up in their eyes or being shouted at for playing outside and being children.
Don’t you fucking worry, if it was up to me I’d have moved years ago. Obviously if by some miracle things get sorted out and we can get the chance to move then we would sort the access out to make it saleable.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 16/04/2018 15:43

So both houses are jointly owned by the two brothers? Was that in the will?

Imo, that makes things far more complicated. If your house is jointly owned by DH & BI, surely you'd have to pay BIL half the money if you sold the house?

Mind you, if their house half belongs to your DH, maybe you should move in with them ....

Please tell me that she died intestate. I can't believe any solicitor drew up a will that seems to leave things in such a mess.

PotteringAlong · 16/04/2018 16:48

You need to see a solicitor

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 18:00

She left it like that in her will, she didn’t die interstate. So yes, we’d have to pay him half of his share if we sold the house, in fact, he’d have to agree to us selling the house in the first instance. We are currently seeing a solicitor.

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 16/04/2018 18:43

Equally then, can you not force the sale of his house?

PotteringAlong · 16/04/2018 18:43

A bit like in a divorce?

TammyWhyNot · 16/04/2018 18:56

So they own the whole plot and the two houses between them?

That puts you in all sorts of vulnerabilities.

Hopefully a solicitor can suggest a way of seperating out the land and property into two.

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 16/04/2018 21:03

pottering perhaps, in all honesty, I think it would be the best thing to do. A fresh start all round. Evidently, none of us are happy here. Even when towing the line they find the most ridiculous of things to complain about which suggests to me that they’ll never be happy which, in turn, makes our lives a misery.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 16/04/2018 21:28

So are the two houses, and the land, all one property that has been left to DH & BIL? If so, that makes things bloody complicated.

Before you can move, you'd have to split the property into 2 separate and distinct properties, and by the sound of it, BIL would be difficult about things like his right of way. Or sell the whole lot, split the money and both families buy somewhere else.

I'd be interested to know what the solicitor says.

Shizzlestix · 16/04/2018 21:29

Can they each gift the other the second half of the house? As it is, they own half each so a whole. If they gifted their half of each other’s house, then they’d be as well off. I’d go that route when you see a solicitor, presuming both properties are of equal value.

Original poster

Iswallowtoothpaste · 23/04/2018 19:14

Update: We are putting an access in for BIL & SIL. Havecontacted a solicitor who advised us to approach BIL with a view to buying OH out of his half share which we did. Surprise surprise he won’t even consider it 😫 it’s not like the houses are of equal value either and there isn’t enough land to make up for the disparity.

OP posts:

happypoobum · 23/04/2018 19:20

Could you rent out your house and rent somewhere else?

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