To not allow this and think it's fucking cheeky to keep asking?

[idobelieveinfairies86]

Sorry its a long one.
My neighbours dd is down for the week to have contact with her dad. His dd is 12 yo.
Today I recieved a knock at the door and it was my neighbour asking if my dd (who is 4.5 and has special needs) wants to come play. I said no as mainly my dd has played up rotten all day and I'd already told her we weren't going out to play (were supposed to go to the park). Apart from this, she has a very high need of supervision and from what I've seen the dd and 2 other girls in the street who were over, they are running about, in and out of the front garden and across the road and back (generally just mucking about) and my dd would not be able to keep up with them and I was seriously worried she would get hurt or fall from running around (she's physically disabled), possibly in the road. I was unable to go with her myself as I've been v busy all day getting on top of things.

Anyway, about 20 mins later the other 2 girls knock and say "can't she come and play", I again said no and gave the main reason of her playing up.
In the following 30 mins I then had my neighbours girlfriend knock followed by the visiting 12yo knocking all asking the same question and then trying to guilt trip me by saying "why can't dd come and play, its not often we get nice weather" and "oh but I don't get to come down very often, pleeasseee?"
What's pissed me off the most is that every one of these repeated requests were done in front of my dd and I then had to listen to constant "why mummy, please, why, why why"
Also, I'm not quite sure why three 12 yos would want to play with a 4.5 yo who is on the 18mo-2yr level?

Was I bu in refusing and then getting pissed off with the constant requests? To me you ask your question, get your answer and that's the end of it but I'm starting to think maybe I was being rude.

Again sorry for the long post
x

thanks for all the replies.
sorry if I don't answer every1 but anyway...
The 2 other girls that were out live at the back of us (our gardens meet) and although we are friendly aquainteces with their parents my dd has never actually spoken to them other than "MY dog" when they went to pet our dog a few months ago. As for the 12 yo who's visiting my dd has never met her (neither have i).

I wouldn't let her out to play on her own with her own sister (9yo but very mature and sensible) and she is well aware of dds needs and will watch her if I go to the loo or if I need to get on with dinner as dh isn't home etc.
I also don't leave her unsupervised in the home when shes awake, so I be damned if I'm going to do it with outside dangers. I wouldn't of had a problem if she'd not played up (she really was rotten yesturday) and I wasn't busy, as I would have gone out with her to supervise.

No, I am not very assertive when it comes to saying no to people face to face as I don't like confrontation (that sounds stupid I know but my anxiety makes me fear that this is a possibility if I say no too many times to people I'm not very familiar with)

Dh has spoken to neighbour today and said I was a bit uneasy and then it would be fine if his dd wanted to come play at ours today, he was really apologetic, apparently a) neighbour wasn't fully aware of my dds needs and b) his dd has younger half siblings at home who she loves to play with so she automatically includes younger children when shes playing and c) he and his gf weren't told that the kids had already knocked and him and his gf, were asked separately so there was no possibility for him to tell his gf he'd already asked, (Do all kids that age do this kinda of thing cos have to say it would be a nono in this house to ask parents separately when 1s already said no)
So, she's coming over to ours a bit later to play and I'm happy as I can keep an eye on dd.
xx

You had good reasons for not wanting your DD to go out to play and stuck by your decision despite the totally unreasonable pestering.

Perhaps neighbour's children have not been given the same discipline and boundaries and do not realise that no means no ?

So, she's coming over to ours a bit later - why?

OP I think its sweet they want to play with her when i was about 10 me and a group of my friends loved babysitting the local toddlers, we were reading a series of books at the time called the babysitters club and fancied making our own babysitters club. I do look back at it now and think i probably wouldnt trust a bunch of kids to watch my toddler, so i think you were right to not leave her unsupervised with them. Why not let them play in your garden with her while you sit in the background reading a book or watch over them from the window so they feel like theyr in charge lol I do have to say tho the adults are pretty weird.

Very odd! My dsd is 13 and does love playing with our nearly 1 year old but she definitely wouldn't go calling for such a young child to play out with! Can't understand it at all. Ywdnbu!

@boopsy i totally agree the kids arent weird its normal for girls to want to babysit and feel mature i hope the adults did have a mix up tho or that is pretty weird they should take no as no lol

Not at all OP, my DD who is partially sighted had a group of kids a few years back ask if she could come out and play.

I explained to them that due to her vision they need to ensure that she can see them at all times and they must not leave her alone stay where I can see them and when finished to bring her home.

An hour passed nothing, I notice everybody is missing, I knew where the kids lived, knocked on doors nope they did not know where she was. I was frantic, I ran around the neighbourhood looking for my poor child who could not see much and thank god found her playing with other kids a few roads down.

After that I have never ever let her out of my sight, she was 5.5 yrs old then she is 10 now.

@staples she's coming over to "play" with dd. I get the feeling that maybe she's bored as it's just her, her dad and dads gf and it's not what she's used to? She's got younger siblings at her mum's house so I think playing with younger children is maybe normal for her?
I don't think it was anything weird I was just a bit surprised as I found little kids annoying as anything when I was that age but then there's not as much gap between me and my siblings (at 12yo my siblings were 7-9).
She's met dd now as I popped out and she was outside with her dad. Now my dd has a thing about our neighbour and runs to him screaming his name at every opportunity and was all like "im xxx, I'm 4" and was very excited when i told her that she was coming over to play later. I asked if the 12 yo wanted to play outside in the garden or if she wanted to do something else. She's asked what my dd likes and I've told her basically babies (dolls), mlp, dress up and playing hairdresser. The 12 yo also likes all these things (not so much mlp) so they are having a pampering party, which means if my dd gets her way she will be subjecting me to hair pulling, tiaras and feather boas 😱 [yuk]

Well the context makes more sense now, but I still think you were right not to let your DD out with these girls. Fine to have her over to play at yours though, where you can keep an eye on them and make sure your own DD is ok.

Beaverhausen - what a horror story, you must have been scared silly! So glad your DD was found ok.

"No, I'm sorry but DD is too young to play in the street without my supervision. Please could you stop knocking to ask as the answer is still no."

They had a lovely time. She came over and was very polite etc, had a way with dd that amazed me and I now want to adopt her cos she got my dd to tidy up her room (nothing major just teddies & babies everywhere), which is something I gave up on. She was nothing like I expected a almost teen to be like and was happy to play, didn't want to watch tv or get her phone out etc.
She stayed for tea and then her dad had to come and prise them apart lol.
It was really cute.

@beaver see that is wot scares me the most, not an intentionally harmful act (although we Unfortunately have to be aware of that as well) but an accidental leaving behind. My dd can't keep up with other kids so it would be fairly easy to out run her and lose her before they realised and then she could get lost trying to either find them or find me.

I'm sorry u went through that and I can imagine ur pain/horror, when dds sister was 3 she decided she wanted to go see our chickens and I'd stupidly not shut the safety gate properly. Anyway she got out and wen I realised (maybe a minute or 2 later I was frantic as we had a brook through our garden that was not fully fenced in yet. The things that ran through my head in the time it took me to find her were awful I kept imagining myself finding her in the brook and had nightmares for weeks. It's the only time I have ever screamed at any of my kids ("Don't you ever run off again") but I couldn't help it.

I honestly believe that if anything is gunna kill me it will be my kids doing stupid shit and my heart will eventually give out lol
xx