To not allow this and think it's fucking cheeky to keep asking?

[idobelieveinfairies86]

Sorry its a long one.
My neighbours dd is down for the week to have contact with her dad. His dd is 12 yo.
Today I recieved a knock at the door and it was my neighbour asking if my dd (who is 4.5 and has special needs) wants to come play. I said no as mainly my dd has played up rotten all day and I'd already told her we weren't going out to play (were supposed to go to the park). Apart from this, she has a very high need of supervision and from what I've seen the dd and 2 other girls in the street who were over, they are running about, in and out of the front garden and across the road and back (generally just mucking about) and my dd would not be able to keep up with them and I was seriously worried she would get hurt or fall from running around (she's physically disabled), possibly in the road. I was unable to go with her myself as I've been v busy all day getting on top of things.

Anyway, about 20 mins later the other 2 girls knock and say "can't she come and play", I again said no and gave the main reason of her playing up.
In the following 30 mins I then had my neighbours girlfriend knock followed by the visiting 12yo knocking all asking the same question and then trying to guilt trip me by saying "why can't dd come and play, its not often we get nice weather" and "oh but I don't get to come down very often, pleeasseee?"
What's pissed me off the most is that every one of these repeated requests were done in front of my dd and I then had to listen to constant "why mummy, please, why, why why"
Also, I'm not quite sure why three 12 yos would want to play with a 4.5 yo who is on the 18mo-2yr level?

Was I bu in refusing and then getting pissed off with the constant requests? To me you ask your question, get your answer and that's the end of it but I'm starting to think maybe I was being rude.

Again sorry for the long post
x

I don't know if it was the dad and gf sending them to be honest, I have my suspicions as the dad did ask when he found out she was able to come up to visit (his dd lives miles away) but I thought he meant all of us get together, the parents have coffee and the kids play, do each other's hair whatever until they were bored with each other.
I only answered the door as I can't ignore it as a) there's a window right there and u could blatantly see me sat on the floor organising stuff and b) our dog is a little shit and won't shut up til he's had a good sniff/investigation of whoever has dared to wake him up.

I wasn't sure if it was odd because at 12 I couldn't wait to get away from my younger siblings and their friends, they used to drive me nuts lol.

I was a bit uneasy about the supervision thing because people are always telling me I need to let her go a bit more as I'm always there but I don't think they realise her needs. Yes she's 4.5 and looks her age, but she has the development of a toddler in many areas such as communication (hence the "why, why, why") physically and thought process (ie she wouldn't think about anything, she would just do it if told to).
I wasn't worried they would hurt her but more if she was to have an accident (she does this alot) then they wouldn't know how to deal with that ie that if she falls down, she can't get up by herself.

Don't think it's that they think she doesn't go out enough as we've been out everyday it's not rained etc.

glad I wasn't bu just don't wanna fall out with the neighbours as we usually get on really well.

Will definitely invite her over to play (my dd wouldn't mind being babied or playing dress up she loves both) either in the week or the week end before she goes home.

Thnks

A child of mine aged 4.5 would not be allowed out to play with older children anyway - at any time. Children of that age need to be supervised by their parents or another trusted adult. They were nuts to ask and very unreasonable not to take no for an answer. Sounds like you need to be stronger in your 'no's.

They shouldn't be pestering you. When I first read it I missed how young your DD is. Thought she was 12. But she's 4 and a half, so it's totally inappropriate.

Pretty weird that they kept knocking. My kids have friends who knock and knock but they’re much younger (and the same age). I’ll tell them they’re having their tea and 2 mins later they’re back then 2 mins later again. I tend to shit the curtains and ignore the door after the first few times. I would definitely expect better social skills from 12 yr olds and adults though!
If it happens again I’d just say she’s a bit young to be out by the roads but they are welcome to come in/come into your garden.

I loved babies at age 14 but I think a lot of kids these days at 12 would be too grown up.

Maybe they want to baby her or boss her about! I'd think it a bit suspicious (sorry I have a suspicious mind). My dd is 13 and there is no way she would want to play with a little one. I certainly would not leave her unsupervised in the street so you were 100% right to say no.

I'd just say no the first time and then ignore the door. I'd actually tell your dd that the other girls are too old for her now, because they are, and I'd explain it to the girls out of earshot of your dd.

Agree with buckeejit I'd be telling tv dad & his gf that if you say no once to instruct them not to knock again & respect that you have your reasons. Yanbu"

"I was a bit uneasy about the supervision thing because people are always telling me I need to let her go a bit more as I'm always there but I don't think they realise her needs." People are full of good advice about other people's kids.

Smile and wave - and ignore them. They do not know your child and are not responsible for her.

There’s something a bit odd about that.

My DD is 10yo. She’d happily play with a 4yo visiting our home but she wouldn’t voluntarily call for a 4yo down the road.

I really can’t imagine circumstances in which a group of them would repeatedly call for a 4yo (unless one of their Mums had asked as a favour for example)

I wouldn’t have let my NT 4yo play unsupervised with a group of 12yos tbh.

By the time the neighbours girlfriend had knocked I’d have been cross and pretty blunt in my answer.

Very odd. I have a 13 year old DD and when she was 12 and now, she'd do all she could to AVOID playing with a 4 year old.

You're uneasy - go with that feeling. This is not OK and I suspect, based on experience with my DDs, that there would be some bullying or teasing going on. Your 4 year old does NOT need to play with 12 year old girls.

Don’t let your four year old out of your sight.

By the pricking of my thumbs, there was some other agenda going on there.

I’m sure she’s really cute, but it seems suspicious overkill. Nothing nefarious probably.

You are well out of it. Next time just say it’s a policy that she doesn’t play unsupervised by you, rather than imply that if she’d been better behaved you’d have let her go out.

I wouldn't let a 4 year old play out alone. I wouldn't let them go off with a group of 12 year olds. Let alone if they have younger age abilities. Glad you kept her in OP, if she hadn't been naughty all day you might have felt pressured into it. They can play with her supervised.

Sorry OP but if she's only four and a half and you say she's at a level more like eighteen months to two years and needs a lot of additional help, why is anybody expecting you to "let her go a bit more" at all?

No, YWNBU. I can understand the girls asking. Once. But continuing to pester was rude and the adults coming over to get involved in unacceptable.

When I was about 13, my sister and I used to play quite regularly with 2 little girls who came to stay with their dad on our road every other weekend. They were about 3 and 5 and the cutest kids ever. We loved spending time with them. But a) I now wonder why their dad didn't think it was a bit odd and at least check up on us and b) we only played with them when we could see them playing out in front of their house and join them. We'd never have knocked for them like we did with children our own ages.

When we were kids we used to take all the little ones out to play.

There'd be about 6 of us between the ages of 9 and 11 and we'd have an army of toddlers to sort.

In hindsight, I am amazed that parents let us have their kids willy nilly. But they/we all had a great time and I have great organisational skills to this day- if I can herd 10 toddlers then I can deal with just about anyone else!

@StaplesCorner "You're uneasy - go with that feeling." Always trust your gut.

My dd is 4.5, she had no disabilities and she is not allowed out, 4.5 is too young to be out on the road playing. When they called why did you not just say "no she's not going out, she's 4.5" if the pleading continued or when the adults called "Look she's 4.5, too young to be out, I'm not sure why a 12 year old even wants to play with someone so young, please stop calling"

My door gets knocked on for my 3 year old to come out and play with kids who are about 7/8. In fact they were around earlier l. It's sweet, yes I have to watch but its lovely for the 3 year old to be out playing and they are all great with her. Properly lovely children.

It was probably just child 1 knocks door and then gets child 2 to do it too, doesn't give her parents the full story so they knock too.

I wouldn't be holding any grudges against them!

Does your DD often play with these other kids? If it's a normal thing for them to come and ask for her to come and play, then maybe they were just a bit sad that she couldn't. However, if she barely knows them, and particularly she's never gone out to play with them before, then that's very strange.

They were being rude, their parents should have told them to knock it off.

"My girls are 3 and girls bigger steer about 7 do t want to play with them so I would be suspicious"

That's different though. The 12 years olds would be more 'looking after' the little one, in their own way. It was very common when I was a child for older children to like looking after babies/toddlers.

"When we were kids we used to take all the little ones out to play.

There'd be about 6 of us between the ages of 9 and 11 and we'd have an army of toddlers to sort."

Free babysitters. Of course the parents loved it.
People used to pay for teenage babysitters as well.

YANBU I have a 3 year old with ASD and her development is delayed too. I couldn't trust a situation like that because my DD isn't able to tell me how she feels or if anything went wrong etc.

Although when I was that age I LOVED younger children and used to help out at a summer playscheme. I babysat for people from 14 and went on to be a nursery nurse. My DD also has a big sister (11 year gap) and one of her friends loved hanging out with baby sis and they had a lot of fun together (under my supervision). It's not THAT random that a 12 year old would play with a 4 year old but I wouldn't leave a 12 year old in charge unless a sibling of the younger child. When you factor in SEN then it's all different again.

I remember it well Gwen- I used to look after 3 kids 3 days a week after school till 8pm. A baby, a toddler and a 7 year old.

I was 15. Not a particularly sensible one either. (Hazy memories of attempting to microwave sliced ham for dinner, cooking a baby bottle, making obstacle courses out of every piece of furniture in the house...)

I'd be very hard pushed to leave DD with a 15 yr old these days. But i was minted! £50 a week that went straight to the pub

My dd is 12, and adores the idea of playing with 'little ones' (which is anyone under about 7 in her head) - she's pretty good at it, and does a sensible, caring job (her older brother would be rubbish!) and I can imagine - if we lived on the sort of road where people knocked to play with neighbours - she might do this. I wouldn't let her be in sole charge though, and I hope that she'd be sensible enough to take one no and leave, and she'd certainly know better than to get me involved, but I don't think the idea of 'playing with the little ones' per se isn't that weird an idea amongst 12 yo girls. IF it fits with your day, maybe they could come into yours and play with your lo another time - might be nice for everyone, but means you get to keep an eye on things, which obviously is sensible!