To ask who makes the purchasing decisions in your household?

[AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth]

Was interested to now who buys stuff in your house and whether it's still mainly women who make the purchasing decisions.

I do most of the food shopping

All of the research into purchasing decisions

All decisions about interiors

All the kid's clothing

Insurance etc

Pretty much everything, except -

My husband

• researches cars and buys them (not v often obviously and I don't care about cars)

• Buys his own clothes
• Goes to the supermarket but generally just buys what I say we need
• Also researches insurance etc
• He will buy any of the above and will research it if I ask, but the mental workload tends to be mine

Pretty much 50/50 here. Only major one is that I always do the food shop but that's more to do with the fact that DH works full time and I work part time so am around more during the week.
Bills are all dd.
Small household items eg, new cutlery etc, whoever spots something will pick it up.
We each buy our own clothes. In fact he's so fussy when it comes to clothes that I don't even buy him clothes as gifts anymore! I have quite a few friends who 'dress' their husbands though.
Major household stuff, furniture, appliances etc would be a joint decision.

Whoever goes to the shops buys the dinner. Usually 50 50. We tend to just get the dcs clothes when we get our own so again 50 50.

He does the comparisons for utilities etc.

I biy uniforms.

We do 50 50 for holiday planning.

I do it all but that's because I moved out of home way before he did so I've always done it. He has no idea who his car insurance is with

No point in having two chiefs IMO. Plus I'm better at decision making

I did a nappy trial via mn when ds2 was newborn. I then stuck with that brand (also advertised here) right up until he potty-trained. I still use the same brand now, while he is still in pull-ups at night at 6yo (though I am trialing a new brand atm - also through mn).

Anyone want to work out how much that has earnt the company?

I do the bills/shopping etc. He does the car. I dont give a shit about cars and he loves them.

I do shopping because Im the one cooking and I know what is going to be needed in the next week for the house.

It seems a lot of men are disinterested in the running of their own homes. What does that tell their kids I wonder.

Team effort here. Nice to have a competent adult onside. No desire to become a control freak/care more/do everything.

First few responses all the women - odd to me, we do it evenly split. I’m genenrally th instigator of large purchases, usually as I’ve had some kind of genius wheeze , but we talk about it and buy it based on mutual decision. Food and so on we just split it on a turns based system usually.

DH is a real functioning person, wouldn’t occur to him to offload on to me.

I only work 9 hours a week so generally I do most house bits,

I sort all household bills normally, I know where to look to get cheapest rates etc where as he probably wouldn't bother.

Food shopping again I do the main shop and meal plan (he normally will do a mid week top up shop after work but then again so do I!)

Cars - car lease was joint decision, insurance I generally sort family car he does his run around car and tax is automatic so don't need to do anything with that.

Kids clothes I generally buy because I enjoy that, same with mine and sometimes will buy him the odd bit but he normally does his own clothing.

Household stuff we buy normally together like appliances, garden bits and furniture then if there's something we particularly want we will sort it ourselves e.g he has recently brought a marine fish tank and he has sorted all the bits for it as I don't have a clue.

Birthday presents and Xmas we do together normally however individually we both end up buying extra bits online or when out and about.

I do it all for our uk household and try and get DH to do it for our Dutch household as I don’t speak Dutch. I still usually end up doing most of it in the Netherlands too!

Who are all these insipid men who defer choices to their partners,seemingly unable to initiate a decision

We have individual accounts so if it’s something for self,individual choice

If it’s a joint purchase we discuss

For kids,bit of both,individual & joint discussion depends on the item and expenditure

Day-to-day stuff like general groceries or when to get the window-cleaner in, tends to be me, mainly because I have the time (work part-time) although DH is perfectly capable of doing the supermarket shop if need be.

Larger or non-mundane purchases like say, furniture or appliances or car stuff or what to pave the patio with, are subject to mutual discussion but if we don't reach agreement (rare) I tend to get the casting vote because I have usually researched all the pros and cons of every option to the nth degree (often on MN!) and can "blind him with science".

Financial stuff like investments or savings are subject to mutual discussion and if necessary he usually gets the casting vote because he likes researching the details of these things and putting them into spreadsheets.

The only thing I don't even slightly get involved with, and leave entirely to DH because I seriously don't give a whistle, is things to do with bicycles.

Who are all these insipid men who defer choices to their partners,seemingly unable to initiate a decision

Nice bit of judgement there.

I work v part-time with DC in school and I like getting what I want. I’m prepared to put in the legwork for that. DH works full-time and cares much, much less about other stuff.

I think women definitely control most of a couple's purchases. Even up to huge purchases like houses; every estate agent I've ever met has said a couple won't buy a house unless the woman loves it.

Plus it's usually women who do all the shopping for the kids too, creating the next generation of loyal customers for a handful of preferred brands...

I find many women take on the mental load because things need to be done sooner/better/cheaper/faster/in a very precise way/etc than men do.

When my mum left my dad he suddenly had to do a lot more. And was 100% capable. He did things in a different order. He did things differently. But everything that needed done was done.

Sometimes people just need to let go and accept that two people can do the same thing differently.

Similar situation to you.

Grocery shopping is easy as recommendations and previous purchases are stored in 'my' account.

I guess that the easiest way to explain our 'split' of purchasing is mine are ordinary, DH does extra-ordinary stuff.

In my marriage I do 99% of the financial stuff though. I enjoy it and DH is shit at it. His salary is paid into my (joint access) account and I'm not sure he knows which bank that is let alone how to access it.

I guess by 'mental workload' you mean 'thinking'. Don't those patriarchal bastards know we can't do that?

Me, cos there's only me!
Sometimes it's a lot of pressure, like now, moving house, new area, new school.

Or booking a holiday, pressure to get it right
Sometimes it's a lot of work.
Sometimes it's nice, just suiting yourself!

My dh does all house maintainence organising, both car servicing and planning, all doctors stuff except mine , all health insurance and house insurance, utility provider etc. He had his own business for years so used to all that stuff and really into calling around to get best price and hiring people to do stuff. He organises plumber electrician washing machine guy window cleaner new boiler painters ..any repairs.etc.
I mostly do food, birthday presents for everyone, clothes when kids small but only because l like that kind of shopping.
We buy furniture together and paint / decoration stuff. He sorts payment of college fees( l contribute but he monitors bills) helps kids move and sets up meetings with landlords if needed.
I plan parties and did all kids social stuff when young and homework as that is my kind of thing.
I think running your own business is great as it trains you to that stuff early.

I do food. He does everything else.

Who are all these insipid men who defer choices to their partners,seemingly unable to initiate a decision

Nice bit of judgement there yes I am judging.completely right The men who defer to the women on majority decisions and the women who collude. And say oh he’s no good at those sort of things

I genuinely couldn’t be with an otherwise able adult who choses to defer tasks to female

And yet on mn the narrative always is the man earns £££ is high achiever but can’t or won’t undertake the tasks he defers to the woman

Sure thing folk will tell me their dp is high flyer,top in his field blah blah. And simply doesn’t have the time and or head space for these mundane tasks.

I'm a bit of a control freak so it suits me just fine. I don't want him sticking his fingers in.

I do all the menu planning and food shopping. I buy all the dc’s clothes. I tend to organise house stuff - cleaners, carpet cleaners, window cleaners, buying new house stuff, and we both do insurance - we take it in turns. I buy all bday and Xmas pressies.

He does all our pensions and investments.

We both search for and choose holidays together.

We each do our own cars - services, mot, new car, etc.

Both of us really, eg we tend to work out what dinners we'll have for the week and then I go do the shopping as I'm a SAHM. House was joint decision, and we jointly decided on which new car to buy a couple of years ago based on spec, boot space and test drive (I drove. He did not), I haggled the shit out of it and he paid. Savings are split equally in both of our ISAs so both have equal purchasing power... Stuff like insurances it's whoever gets there first. The last holiday we researched together, then he sorted it when I was out for the weekend. The only things we decide for ourselves is our own disposable income- usually trips out during the day with the kiddo for me and stuff like PS4 games for him. We both spend a fair bit on sports stuff and gadgets too. Maybe I tend to do most of the longer term domestic thinking- organising nursery school visits, shoe shopping for the kiddo, vet treatments for the dog, but I don't really have the whole "mental load" thing... Dealing with the running of the house is my part of the bargain as the SAHP. No point in him organising my appointments for me- it'd be like me organising a meeting at work for him- pointless 😂

Both of us although I probably do the lions share.

Food and groceries is 90% me as I do the majority of cooking and meal planning. DH does notice if we are running out of stuff and will go to the supermarket then.

Household stuff like furniture etc is usually me sometimes with input from DH. He says I have a better eye for decor so I will tend to order carpets, buy curtains and accessories etc...

DIY stuff for decorating, jobs around house etc is almost 100% DH.

Clothes tends to be me even for my DH.
Gifts again mostly me.

DH does the weekly shopping, school trips, subs, etc.

Bigger purchases (including interior, cars, holidays, insurance) are on me. It woeks, because I have our budget for a year on an excel spreadsheet on my phone- so I can find out with the push of a button whether we have the cash available for big purchases.