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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask who makes the purchasing decisions in your household?

74 replies

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 15/04/2018 12:12

Was interested to now who buys stuff in your house and whether it's still mainly women who make the purchasing decisions.

I do most of the food shopping

All of the research into purchasing decisions

All decisions about interiors

All the kid's clothing

Insurance etc

Pretty much everything, except -

My husband

researches cars and buys them (not v often obviously and I don't care about cars)

Buys his own clothes
Goes to the supermarket but generally just buys what I say we need
Also researches insurance etc
He will buy any of the above and will research it if I ask, but the mental workload tends to be mine

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 15/04/2018 13:00

Our finances are totally shared.

I do most of the grocery shopping because I have more time to do it. DC are grown up now but I always bought all their clothes & sorted birthdays & Xmas. He does his side of the family.

In previous years I've done most of the holiday organising but this year he's doing all the planning but running ideas past me.

Household appliances would usually be down to me to research & choose because he's not really bothered but I'll always run the budget & the final choice past him.

Insurance will be whoever feels like doing it. Decorating would be led by me, he's not bothered. He'd usually sort out tradespeople, mainly because he knows who to talk to.

Cars are always a shared decision as are other major purchases. Fortunately we tend to agree on what we want so there aren't any arguments.

Barbaro · 15/04/2018 13:05

I make most of the decisions. We rent currently, but I decorate the place, handle food shopping, most bills (he does the rent as it costs most), insurance etc.

Car decisions, I would never ask his opinion haha, he wouldn't have a clue. I know way more on cars than him.

He buys games he wants. That's about it.

Bluelady · 15/04/2018 13:07

We both do food shopping. He sorts his car out, I do mine. I shop around for utility providers, household insurance, etc and organise because I'm better at it. He buys his clothes, I buy mine. As he does the cooking, the kitchen is his domain and he buys utensils, gadgets, etc. I organise house maintenance. I sort out all birthdays apart from mine.

I guess I do the lions' share which bothers me not one bit.

Smurfy23 · 15/04/2018 13:11

I do food shopping but tbf thats only a recent thing (last 6 months) before that it was 50/50.

I buy kids clothes and small household purchases but pretty much everything else is done together. We sort our own insurance, DH does the utilities...I think we are about 50/50....

FASH84 · 15/04/2018 13:13

I organise pretty much everything, if I give DH a task he'll do it, it does annoy me sometimes the lack of initiative, but we've at least moved on from the days I had to ask him to do certain household chores, he now knows what needs doing on a weekly basis and will do things without asking, especially as I work away at lot at the moment, I was clear I wasn't coming home and cleaning a house I'd not been in since I cleaned it last. I grocery shop because I cook (which I love including batch cooking for while I'm away...I know), he usually stays home and does housework while I go, and does always offer to come with. We renovated our house and I planned our wedding last year, it was stressful because i coordinated everything, did some of the DIY, he did some of the DIY too but my dad and paid tradesman probably did more. I did try and explain mental load, and why I was so busy and tired.

I've just come to accept he's a creature of habit so if I make things part of a routine he catches on. It's also partly me being a control freak too, I like to sort out our holidays, insurance, bills etc (most are on DD so just annual reviews) because I know he will go for the quick option and be fine with it, whereas I want to research every option, get the best deal, or nicest holiday for the best price. His view is, if we're ok with it and can afford it, done. No need to see if there's a better option. That's on me not him.
I think through no negative intent there are lots of women who have been raised to think we can do everything (as opposed to anything). DH has a good professional job, but I am more ambitious and focussed and will push myself more than he does and so I am the higher wage earner too. I'm ok with it, but we don't have children yet, let's hope that doesn't push me over the edge!

headintheproverbial · 15/04/2018 13:14

It's well known that a ridiculous percentage of purchasing decisions lie with women and therefore that many advertisers get it completely wrong! Something like 80% of consumer decisions are women's.

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2018 13:15

I do because I either know (food shopping, but we do have a list we both write on) or I'm the one that's bothered ie interiors. But those we would discuss and agree on.

DH does utilities/car/insurances etc

Tentomidnight · 15/04/2018 13:23

The same as you, but that suits me as I'm a control freak about interiors stuff etc and not interested in cars. And I have more patience for looking for deals and using topcashback.
DH chooses and buys all his own clothes, gadgets, hobby stuff.

What I have done recently is get him to take on present and card choosing and buying for his family members at christmas and for birthdays. I do the same for my family.

It works well for us. My job is part time and doesn't usually follow me home, his is full time with a lot of responsibility and he's never really off duty with calls and emails.

Idontdowindows · 15/04/2018 13:23

Bit items (car, cooker, freezer etc.) are joint decisions.

Anything else is whomever notices it needs buying, or wants to buy it.

MeanTangerine · 15/04/2018 13:24

I'm a raging feminist and yet mine /DH's spending falls into the classic gender stereotypes Basically, DH is crap at shopping. He doesn't seem to know that it is worth shopping around to get the same /better at a lower price. He just buys the first one. Consequently, for big purchases, I end up doing the research and saying to him "I think this one" and he says OK, go for it. He probably does the supermarket shop just under half the time, where he fairly reliably buys what he's seen me buy in the past.

Although he's crap at shopping he's OK with money in general. He wants to retire early so avoids debt and has a good pension, and he's not really motivated by stuff, so tends not to buy anything unless he needs it. This is probably why I haven't throttled him yet.

eggcellent · 15/04/2018 13:24

My DP is taking me to Paris for my birthday, very sweet. But yesterday he asked if I'd started looking at places to visit while we're there seemed appalled when I said that seemed like a job for him, as it's my birthday! I know I'll end up doing it though, so we actually visit some interesting places

Idontdowindows · 15/04/2018 13:25

*big, obvs

poshme · 15/04/2018 13:27

I do everything- researching, deciding & purchasing.

Everything- cars, insurance, mortgage, utilities, clothes, food, household stuff, holidays...

Once I have researched I present to DH, we discuss & then I purchase.

My name on all bills.

He earns most of the money- but is busiest so I sort it. And I'm an advertisers dream- I love being given new ideas.

ScreamingValenta · 15/04/2018 13:27

Me - even for the car, though I don't even drive!

BlackeyedSusan · 15/04/2018 13:29

I do the supermarket shopping,
car insurance
home insurance
all diy stuff
childrens clothes.
furniture
holiday
everything else except:
ex helps with internet provider research, mobile phone research and buying a computer.

I get to choose ex's white goods as well in return, thus two households worth of white goods.

oh and I get to choose my mums white goods too, so malke that three households worth.

Trinity66 · 15/04/2018 13:29

Basically, DH is crap at shopping. He doesn't seem to know that it is worth shopping around to get the same /better at a lower price. He just buys the first one

That's me in my relationship DH is a very thrifty shopper, I'm not so he always does the food shop

snewname · 15/04/2018 13:31

Cars, utilities, tools and technology belong to DH. I choose the food, fripperies, furniture, paint colours etc but run anything expensive past DH, as he does with me.
We are both control freaks, but fortunately we aren't interested in each others areas so it works quite well.

BonnieF · 15/04/2018 13:51

It’s a fairly even split in our house. We take it in turns to do the food shopping, but DP does most of the cooking so when it’s my turn I ask him if there’s anything specific he wants me to buy.

He probably does most of the research on utilities etc. Anything involving computers or tech is up to him, as I have zero interest or competence.

Each of us choose & buy our own cars. My fantastic BMW is much better than his rubbish Benz, obv.

We buy our own clothes, infrequently. We both hate clothes shopping, it’s dull & tedious. Ditto interiors & decor. Not interested. At all. Can’t be arsed with any of it.

Holidays are a high priorityand a joint thing. We travel a lot, & we take it in turns to decide where to go, but I do more of the organising due to working in the industry.

KirstenRaymonde · 15/04/2018 13:52

@NewYearNewMe18 what on earth are you talking about?!

HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2018 13:59

I do.

DH researches his own car, I do mine. DH also takes on responsibility for all tech purchases such as computers, phones, tv etc. Absolutely everything else gets shifted onto me as his mind does not seem to be able to cope with the mental load.

SilverySurfer · 15/04/2018 14:00

I live alone so make all purchasing decisions. I don't consider it a 'load' or a 'burden' it's just part of living one's life. If I had a man child for a partner who won't take on his share maybe I would view it as being more onerous than it is but it's unlikely since I would never consider a long-term relationship with a man child.

I personally don't believe men are crap at shopping, it suits some of them to cultivate the idea so they can be lazy arses and so do even less.

womanhuman · 15/04/2018 14:02

I do it all, except cars and his laptop.

AnneElliott · 15/04/2018 14:06

I make all the purchasing decisions, apart from DVDs (DH buys loads) and laptops.

Otherwise holidays, cars, clothes, bills and utilities are all done by me.

QuiteCleanBandit · 15/04/2018 14:12

baffled as to what New thinks mental load means ??
We now share shopping but thats a recent development post almost divorce (instigated by me)
He has stopped "did you get " after I return and just goes off to buy himself

WonderLime · 15/04/2018 14:12

A lot of women here are saying they do the bulk because they are better at it, but isn’t that just because we’re well practiced and have been doing it for years? I don’t think it’s an inherent skill that most women are born with - rather that women just continue to do what’s expected and men get to continue to play the incompetent hapless fool instead of learning how to develop the skill.

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