To be furious DH has started smoking again

[catweasel44]

He gave up 9 years ago. Occasionally he might have one if he was away etc but on the whole was fine.

He's been through quite a stressful time over the last 3 or 4 months and has started smoking again.

The DC don't know but they're not stupid.

I'm furious.

He stinks
He's tetchy because he can't have a cigarette because the DC are around
It costs a fortune
I don't want him to die

He keeps saying he'll stop but a week later I catch him stinking of fags again.

If he gets tetchy about smoking he sounds addicted. Could he switch to vaping, gum, patches or something that is a) less damaging to his health, b) less smelly and c) something that he can do around the rest of the family without it being an issue?

I feel for you OP. I left my husband when he took up smoking again and at the time he was going through a hard time. But he literally made me gag, I could not cope with the smell of him. Smokers don't understand just how bad they smell. He tries all the mints.showers etc etc but it is in their skin and lungs it comes out and its revolting. You cannot share a bed or a your life with someone who does something that you find intolerable. I was lucky he wanted our family back together so my DH kicked himself up the bum and quit again and we had long discussions about dealing with hard issues without resorting to some sort of drug. I hope he comes to his senses for you.

nannyOgg so would you break up a marriage just because your husband smoked cigarettes?

I couldn't live with it. Lost both parents to smoking-related diseases and grew up with it.

So to be fair, wouldn't have married him if he was a smoker then. But if he started again, he would have known my opinion and what I would do so it wouldn't necessarily be me breaking us up.

Yanbu. I fucking, fucking, fucking hate the vile habit, the stench, the impact it has on anything we do (for example a simple visit to a shopping centre is interrupted for cigarette breaks), the indifference to the fact I've lost family members to smoking related diseases, the list goes on.
Mine said he would quit when I was pregnant with DC3. He didn't and to my shame, when DC was born, we had to wait before he could be weighed, so that DH could go down three flights of stairs for a well-deserved cig.
The children are getting older now and I can't have them exposed to this anymore.

You don't sound like you actually like him very much... I'm assuming if he's only smoking a couple a day the resentment you felt Friday night when he tried it on was more to do with the drink?

Is there a friend/relative could have a chat with him casually on your behalf?

He didn't and to my shame, when DC was born, we had to wait before he could be weighed, so that DH could go down three flights of stairs for a well-deserved cig.

So you had to wait 5 minutes for the weigh in after he’d been there for you all through the birth? Oh the horror. Get real people. It’s a couple of cigarettes, not crack cocaine 😳

Cigarettes have killed a shite side more people globally than crack tbf. And it's seriously grim interrupting one of life's most precious moments to go and service one's sad, dirty habit.

I had this and it’s one of the reasons my now ex dh and I split up. It just completely finished off any intimacy between us as I found him revolring. To be fair we did have a lot of other issues as well (he left me for an ex he’d reconnected with on Facebook) but the smoking really, really upset me as I am one of those people that can’t stand it.

Oh the horror
Well yes, I do find it quite horrifying that literally the minute after my son was born, when he was scooped up to be weighed at the other side of the room, the moment I'd spent 9 months excitedly waiting for, DH's thoughts were on his nicotine fix.
A couple of cigarettes I wish. More like a couple of packs a day sometimes.
I wasn't trying to start up a debate on the pros and cons/morals/legalities of different drugs but since you mentioned it, coke only buggers up the system of the person taking it and doesn't harm kids in a second hand smoke kind of way. It doesn't shroud absolutely everything in a stale stink, either.

I really could not kiss anyone who had been smoking. The stench would really put me off.

YANBU.

He's still smoking and increasing all the time. He's becoming less discreet about it too.

I'm still furious.

You can tell him you don't want sex with him as he stinks of smoke. His choice.

I am allowed to tell him that the sex is quite frankly shit too.

I am allowed to tell him that the sex is quite frankly shit too.

Is it bad because of the smoking? Or has it never been good.

No, not at all. I think it's bad because of the smoking.

He smells wrong - and not just of smoke. Just not like him.

And, at risk of tmi, I reckon it has an effect on (ahem) bloody supply and just general stamina.

It could be stress too but it seems a coincidence.

I'd tell him you've noticed a difference sexually since he started smoking again... that it's not as enjoyable for you.

No man likes to hear that his performance isn't good in that department...

I had a BF who smoked years ago and the smell just turned me off. I didn't get to the point of sleeping with him and I hated kissing...even though he thought after 8s took the smell away.

I actually think it will just put him further in the 'stop picking on me' 'everyone's against me' camp.

But I'm not sure I care.