To say no to going to DH family functions anymore?

[K1092902]

Because I really cant deal with his sister anymore?

Shes 33. Single mum of 3, oldest being 17, all by different dads (relevant not judgy pants). She has a bad cocaine addiction- says she wants to stop and will have "just one last night" and it just carries on and carries on. She has now got DNiece hooked on it too. She has to be the victim in everything.

Goes from one disasterous relationship to another- the longest she has held down a partner for is about 6 months and has been this way hwe whole life. Sometimes she pushes them away with her meedy attitude/temprement and some of them are just plain dickheads.

She is in a lot of debt- MIL and DH have just had to pay off about 3.5k in rent arrears. We had no idea it was going on until the courts wrote to her and said she would be evicted in 30 days if she didn't cough up basically.

She is constantly bleeding ILs and DH dry- she will be on the phone at least twice a week to DH asking for money. He has finally learnt to put his foot down but honestly think we could of put a deposit on a house he has sent that much of the course of our relationship.

We have tried telling ILs to stop giving her money and babysit for her so she can spend her money buying cocaine and getting off her tits. What concerns us though- is that she will do it in the house when the kids are about (17, 4 and 13 months).

She has to constantly play the victim- think how hard I have it as a single mum, if you stub your toe and your toe hurts she has a sore foot, constantly has a drama (which she usually causes) etc.

Its draining for me. Ive been with DH 10 years and nothing has changed.

AIBU to finally say I never want to see her again and not attend family events if she is doing so?

OP, not attending family events may "help" you ie remove the difficulty & embarrassment it causes you. It won't help the children, and their wellbeing is the most important consideration. The 17 year old will shortly be an adult so there may be two adult addicts in the house with two young children. Report the matter to SS or the NSPCC. Even if the family breaks up over this (and I don't say that lightly) think of the children. LA care may enable SIL to get back on track. Now, all that is being enabled is SIL's habit to the detriment of the children. It's not about you, DH or the ILS. To you I may sound hard but how hard are the lives of those children. Be brave.

Call NSPCC first and have a frank conversation with them. Perhaps you and your dh could do that together on speaker phone.

Then make a plan of action.

Don’t get your priorities muddled up. Children first, then family dynamics. So what if everyone falls out with you?

but they can arrange for the child to be taken into care immediately, even if it is temporary, and then they get their shit together in time for the court to make an order. I also work in the sector and it happens.

Once again, no, they can't. What often happens is that the police use their emergency powers, and hand the child to SS who the have to get an interim care order before the police power expires.

So a SW can't ask the police to use their emergency powers, they don't work together and a SW can't arrange this?

Wow. This must be the first of so many threads you've come back to. While you're here can we get an update on the restaurant bill, the pregnant DSD, the abusive DH, the bridesmaid, and the flat buying?

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork
?

Report to NSPCC and social services. Have you suggested this to DH? Do it but don't mention it to anyone beforehand. I wouldn't worry about the repercussions within the family, the main issue is the children's welfare. All of her family's help is enabling her to continue this behaviour and there won't be any change until she is evicted/children taken into care/arrested etc.

FYI my great aunt was reported to the NSPCC for child abuse against her children. She never found out who reported. It was my nan (her sister). I don't think much came of it, as the children were never removed from her care. She was a very cruel woman.

OP
Forget all about family functions.
You,rightly so,want to protect your own dc and dgc from exposure to drugs but you are happy to leave your dn's to be subject to it every single day.If all her money is going on drugs then those children are possibly going without food,clothing,school trips etc as well as the emotional effect on them.
And all you are concerned about is upsetting the in-laws?
You can use the online social services safeguarding website today.
The welfare of those children is paramount.

Ahoy OP has a history of starting dramatic threads and never returning after posting once or twice. It's great she's actually come back this time - I'd love to hear how everything else is going on in her life.

You don't need to discuss what to do! You need to bloody report!