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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Larger person on the train

79 replies

mellowyellow2018 · 14/04/2018 14:48

I got in the train the other day and sat down in the only seat left next to a lady. It was pretty squashed so I sat on the edge of the seat (I could only get one bum cheek on the seat) so it wasn’t very comfortable but at least I was sat down as I’ve got a bad back (currently having physio so it’s sore)

She looked visibly worried but I just started reading my book and forgot about it until a stop before mine she said ‘I’m so so sorry, I’m very overweight and I need to ask you to move so I can get up, this is just the worst for my anxiety to ask you.’

I said of cause (I would of anyway) and said not to worry and the seats are cramped and too small (they really are)!

Should I have not sat down in the first place? I honestly felt awful that I had made her feel uncomfortable. Other people chose to stand instead of taking that seat...

I feel terrible that some people who are larger must feel this way. I don’t think seats on public transport give enough room

OP posts:
MillieMoosMam · 14/04/2018 15:17

She said she was anxious because she was anxious......

Original poster
mellowyellow2018 · 14/04/2018 15:18

AjasLipstick I just want to know how not to offend other people! I was just asking for opinions on the correct thing to do. I obviously upset her!

OP posts:
Original poster
mellowyellow2018 · 14/04/2018 15:18

BuntyII I’m a bit overweight myself so that’s not the case

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 14/04/2018 15:18

Mellow I just want to know how not to offend other people

When you find out, sell the formula. There's no answer to that.

Lizzie48 · 14/04/2018 15:19

If you don't believe the OP, @BuntyII press the report button. Troll hunting is against the Talk Guidelines. Hmm

negomi90 · 14/04/2018 15:20

If I'm on the outside seat I always get up for people leaving.
If I'm on the inside seat I always ask people to get up so I can leave.
I'm not overweight - I just thought climbing over people is rude.
The only time I'll consider climbing is on a long haul flight when I need a wee and the other person is sleeping (but I try to time it to just after food's been taken away & other times the other person is awake).

AjasLipstick · 14/04/2018 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AjasLipstick · 14/04/2018 15:21

Lizzie you're the only person to mention trolls. Bunty didn't.

Original poster
mellowyellow2018 · 14/04/2018 15:21

It’s not made up! 😂 Why would I make up something so small?

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 14/04/2018 15:22

It sounds like you were both polite and sensitive. You're right that trains are cramped even for those of average proportions - the rail companies want to squash in as as many people as they can nowadays. If you ever go on a heritage train with BR Mk 1, 2 or 3 carriages, you'll be overwhelmed by how spacious they are compared to the current rolling stock. People are getting larger ... trains are getting smaller Sad.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2018 15:22

I had a lovely women sit next to me on a flight recently and she was spilling a little into my seat. She apologized and seemed sad until I gave my rant about cattle class and the space. She was a great seat-mate.

The three men (I fly a LOT) who spread their legs, arms and everything else into my space in the last week didn't bloody apologize.

Original poster
mellowyellow2018 · 14/04/2018 15:23

ScreamingValenta yes I agree trains are too small and cramped. For a big tall man they are far too small. It’s like they are made just for children!

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 14/04/2018 15:24

I’m not really sure why this is a topic. It was a non-event.

I mean obviously if you were wanting to discuss overweight people/public transport/overweight people on public transport etc you’d be direct and just say that.

But this 2 second conversation was a nothing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 15:24

I can’t believe the stick you’re receiving. It’s the sort of thing I’d notice too.

Bless her. If you ever see her again, perhaps you could say something along the lines of. Last time you saw her she was upset. You hope she’s ok now. No blame to anyone.

Lizzie48 · 14/04/2018 15:24

Surely that's what troll hunting is, suggesting an OP's story isn't true? What do you think it means then? There's no reason to believe this didn't happen surely? It might not be worth posting about (I wouldn't) but that's the OP's choice.

MillieMoosMam · 14/04/2018 15:26

Why is Troll hunting against mumsnet guidelines!? Shouldn't Trolls be?? Am I allowed to say 'Troll' or is it like saying 'Bomb' at an airport...

I really don't think the OP is a Troll, anyway if it was untrue surely its more 'Bullshit' than 'Troll' or am I getting the definitions wrong....

Anyway, I hate public transport (but Trollhunter is a great film....)

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 15:29

Millie
Because it is. And you have to adhere to the site rules and regs like anyone else. And saying something is bullshit is also considered troll hunting.

bimbobaggins · 14/04/2018 15:30

grilled you couldn’t say that about the vast majority of threads on mn.
Especially when the “ somebody looked at me the wrong way 4 weeks ago, should I log it with 101 brigade” are on

MillieMoosMam · 14/04/2018 15:31

Thanks for clearing that up 'Mummy' ....Forewarned is Forearmed.....!

Grilledaubergines · 14/04/2018 15:34

bimbo well yes, exactly. They’re pointless too. There is no AIBU to be discussed. It’s a “I want to post a thread, what can I think up”.

Lizzie48 · 14/04/2018 15:35

Troll hunting is against the rules because you get threads ruined by it sometimes. Posters pile in one after the other accusing an OP of being a troll and the whole thread is derailed. It's so easy to report a thread and MNHQ do investigate and delete the thread if they discover that the OP is a PBP, or there are things that don't add up.

Some OPs are very vulnerable and asking for help, and getting accused of being a troll in those circumstances is damaging.

MillieMoosMam · 14/04/2018 15:41

Er...ok... but a troll is someone who slates/bullies/belittles etc someone personally online....?? Not someone who starts a thread that may/may not be (who cares!?) true......

AjasLipstick · 14/04/2018 15:43

Surely that's what troll hunting is, suggesting an OP's story isn't true?

Well do you know what? If people consider that casting doubts on an OP is "Troll Hunting" then this site has reached peak snowflake.

If I think someone's bullshitting I will say so.

persypear · 14/04/2018 15:44

I think you handled it just fine mellow and you both sound like lovely people. I'm sure she appreciated your kind attitude even if she was anxious at the time. Shaming people about their weight does not lead to weight loss - unless it sets off an extreme MH response.

I'm fat now I have bad health issues, and tall, so have always found it hard to squash into train seats but it is worse now that I am fatter and it is embarrasing. Not all weight can be shifted easily.

And I also need to sit down so have to ask people to move their bags etc and so I come across loads of grumpy thin people hogging spare seats with bags and coats for no other reason than that they don't give a shit about anyone else. In contrast, I'd give anything to be able to shrink myself to make more room for people.

Trains are generally awful for most people but especially disabled and larger people.

AjasLipstick · 14/04/2018 15:45

Millie actually trolling is also when people start threads which are obviously made up in order to get a reaction.

But I would challenge the whole "Troll hunting is banned" shite....because if we can't be trusted to voice our opinions (apart from when it's deemed ok) then that's not really good enough for me.