To have absolutely no bloody discipline whatsoever...

[procrastinationsupremo]

I'm 40 this year and have a responsible job and a young child. My contract is term-time only, so this Easter I decided to keep most of my childcare, catch up on all my paperwork and sort out some of the 50 billion things that need doing in our new house.

Over the last 2 weeks I have had 4 full child free days (and help with bath and bed from my lovely, f/t working husband) and I have done virtually NOTHING! I spent one of the days almost entirely in bed. The house is more of a tip than usual and even right now, whilst my daughter naps and I could be doing something useful I'm on here!

I seem to be exactly the same person I was when I was 14 and felt completely overwhelmed by my messy room!

I'm totally ashamed of myself, but am beginning to think I'll never change.. I can't decide if it's just abject laziness?? I just put things off and off and off until I feel so stressed out by them and there's so much to do I feel completely paralysed by the enormity of my to do list!

Is anyone else like this?? I feel like the rest if the world is working f/t, raising their children, studying, going to the gym and getting up at 5am to batch cook!!?

Yes shrimpi thank you! I imagine you are very good at your job . I totally agree about self awareness and acceptance, time to practice what I preach perhaps...

I feel guilty sometimes at my laziness, but it doesn't change anything.

I'm the same. Every room in the house is a tip I just don't know where to start. I have a child free day off every week mostly I use it to piss about on the Internet and watch documentaries on netflix.
Only reason I've done anything this week is because my friend said she was coming over and I would have been too embarrassed to let her in without spending 3 hours tidying and cleaning first.
Once I get going I'm ok, it's just that first hurdle of actually starting anything.
I plan to start excersising, I want to be organised and have a tidy house but just can't be the person I think I should be. So frustrating

shrimpi what an awesome post
I always call my ability to hyper focus my superpower. I just need to learn to direct it and I'll be invincible or tidier at least

I used to be more like you than I am now.

I read a thing about how people say self care is having a bath, reading all day etc when actually self care is creating a life that you don’t need to retreat from. So I did stuff like get a cleaner, organise myself more (lunch and clothes ready the day before etc),use a calendar and diary so I have more time and feel less rushed.

I can still put stuff off, but I feel more “together” so so far less.

I find I only get things done when I’m busy with other things. I desperately need procrastination to get anything worthwhile done. I’ve just had four full fucking weeks off. Have I cleaned the house to any acceptable standard, no. Have I applied to any graduate jobs, no. Have I done any revision, no. Fuck my entire life. I have watched a lot of black mirror and sat on MN a lot though. I have no advice, just here for it.