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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think our children and the parents of one were to blame.

60 replies

Aloneandscared25 · 13/04/2018 14:59

Hi all,
So our eldest DS ( 11 this month )
Has been away in residential this week.
We had a phone call this morning to say they him and 3 other boys were found to have been watching games of thrones and skins on one of the other boys tablets on somesort if Netflix based thing.

  • one of the other mums rand me immediately to discuss what steps we should take to complain this happened ( now it was her sons tablet and account )

AIBU to think she should take some responsibility and actually our sons to.
They were watching it at night time so when on their rooms.

OP posts:
NameWithChange · 13/04/2018 15:44

If it is her sons tablet it is her responsibility.

If he is accessing things on Netflix that are not suitable for his age (Isn'f Game of Thrones 15?) then that is also her responsibility - her son's account on Netflix should be set up to reflect his age.

School are innocent here - in fact they are also the victims as they have had to manage a situation they shouldn't have - totally on her.

PrtScn · 13/04/2018 15:45

Game of Thrones isn't on Netflix, but Skins is. I think the only legitimate streaming service you can watch GoT on is Now TV. I also don't think Skins is available on Now TV, but I may be wrong. So either they had access to both Netflix and Now TV, or they've obtained both shows through nefarious purposes (illegally downloaded for example).

Nicolamarlow1 · 13/04/2018 15:46

So, is this other parent saying there should have been a member of staff in the boys' bedroom, to make sure they went straight to sleep and didn't watch any undesirable content, on a laptop which shouldn't have been there in the first place?

freshstart24 · 13/04/2018 15:47

I agree with you OP.

Club did the right thing. They are aware DS watched something that was too adult for him. They have flagged this up so you can deal with it.

Other mum is attempting to pass the buck. This could not have been prevented as club cannot supervise throught the night or search belongings.

HolyMountain · 13/04/2018 15:48

Oh she’s one of those Mothers who thinks her child is beyond taking responsibility for his actions and is looking to blame others.

She’s not doing him any favours putting in a complaint against the Organisers or is she pissed off it’s been confiscated from him?

PinkCalluna · 13/04/2018 15:51

She wants to complain because her son misbehaved?

What? ShockConfusedHmm

No wonder organisations struggle to find leaders!

I would refuse to participate in a complain and in fact would write a nice email to the Leaders thanking them for making me aware of the issue and assuring them that we would deal with it at home.

Son would then get an appropriate talking to.

MirriVan · 13/04/2018 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Aloneandscared25 · 13/04/2018 15:53

Thankyou that’s a good idea I will pop them an email to thank them for letting me know and that I will handle DS accordingly.

OP posts:
MirriVan · 13/04/2018 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnicornRainbowFluffball · 13/04/2018 15:58

She's crazy. Were they even allowed to take tablets? Send her a dummies guide to parental controls.

Rachie1973 · 13/04/2018 15:58

lol Naughty children...... being normal.

Absolutely think you're spot on OP. Its certainly worth a chat with your son about, but not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

Crispbutty · 13/04/2018 15:58

I agree with MirriVan, its not really the end of the world. They aren’t going to be irreparably scarred by seeing either of those programs.

PinkCalluna · 13/04/2018 15:58

It makes your position clear OP just in case the other mother tries to indicate that all the offending boys’ parents feel the same way.

PinkCalluna · 13/04/2018 16:01

I’m really quite shocked that the parent of an 11yo (or nearly 11yo) wouldn’t consider their child responsible for making his own decisions at that age.

flowerslemonade · 13/04/2018 16:13

At least they watched something good

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/04/2018 16:13

I don't understand what she wants to complain about, can OP explain please?

Original poster
Aloneandscared25 · 13/04/2018 16:22

She wants to complain that they were able to watch it in their care

OP posts:
Myl0w · 13/04/2018 16:22

So the teachers found them watching it? So they were doing their jobs then? Why is she complaining? Residentials do not mean that a teacher is with all the children 24-7. And having done residentials I know you get very little sleep BECAUSE you are checking up on the little darlings who won’t go to sleep but then are ready to wake up at 6 in the morning. 😫

DropItLikeASquat · 13/04/2018 16:27

I had a similar thing happen at a residential that my son went on. He was exposed to pornographic content on another Childs iPhone and told his younger brother about it. My younger boy told his teacher at school and primarily the school approached to me to say they were concerned that my boys had described an explicit sexual act. I grilled the boys at home (as our kindles/ laptop are locked down as far as they possibly can be) and it it all came out that my eldest had been shown the content on another Childs iPhone on this trip.
The school were pretty shit at dealing with it TBH. The other child was from quite a well respected and committee member family so the 'oh it could happen to anyone' and 'the internet is so dangerous, you can't police everything kids see' approach was taken by the school.
IMHO its the responsibility of the parents and child that own the device.
Of course your child watched the content but ultimately if the device hadn't been taken on the residential it would never have happened.

SimonBridges · 13/04/2018 16:37

Utterly nuts.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 13/04/2018 16:43

Brilliant suggested email Willow2017 😂

OP did the other mum say what she wanted from you?

Think you're dealing perfectly. Love the email of thanks idea.

Springtrolls · 13/04/2018 16:44

If she hadn't allowed her ds to take the tablet then they wouldn't have been able to watch anything.
If she put restrictions on the tablet, they would have been limited in the content they could have access to. Like a pp said, it could have been worse and they could have watched porn.

If she wants to give her child unrestricted access to a tablet, that's up to her.Just don't lay blame elsewhere when the child watches stuff he shouldn't.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 13/04/2018 16:48

I'm surprised that there was wifi.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/04/2018 16:51

So she wants to complain that the teacher was doing their job? Bonkers.

As said above, she allowed this to happen by sending DS off with a tablet in the first place. And it obviously hasn't occurred to her that this is NOT the first time he's watched inappropriate stuff, he will have been doing it at home too. Who is she going to complain to about that? Confused

Prancingonthevalentine · 13/04/2018 16:57

I think you could get GOT on sky go.
I don't know how to restrict Netflix, so ds doesn't have it on his tablet - will have a google as it would be useful!