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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you cope with people who never shut up!

62 replies

Fuckitbucket13 · 12/04/2018 16:00

I clean for a woman who never shuts up. I go into another room to clean & she's still talking, I pretend I haven't heard her & she then shouts for me. It's all just about people I've never met & who I don't want to know about. I'm mentally knackered when I've done, not physically though as I don't get much done.

Another woman, my mum's friend, she's lovely but again, she never shuts up.

I was thinking of wearing dark glasses & having a nap while they talk. It's just exhausting listening to someone talk for two hours!

OP posts:
Mrstumbletap · 12/04/2018 17:07

The80sweregreat yes! I thought I was the only person in the world that thought this! Some people literally always talk about themselves and give you such irrelevant details to a story.

You say “hi, how are you?
They say: “ Aww I’m knackered, I have worked so much overtime, and at work Sheila who works in the x department asked me to Y, I spoke to Jeff and he said that if I wanted to do Z I should tell Shelia” this goes on for another 5-10 minutes.....
I’m thinking I don’t bloody know Shelia of Jeff! I don’t care!

Ahhhhhh!

Hotelmotel · 12/04/2018 17:08

@VanillaSugar I think they get occasional bouts of self-awareness, like my colleague who will say after another monologue, 'I'm talking too much, aren't I?' I never know how to respond to that but then, give it a few minutes and it starts again...

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2018 17:09

Oh dear... think I probably do this sometimes....
I find it really weird when people are not chatty.
I think there are occasions to listen and occasions when I feel
that I want to talk to bring others out of themselves.

I like chatting to people & finding out about them. People often tell me an awful lot about themselves. Less people ask me about myself I notice.

Maybe that's because they want me to shut up 😆

squishee · 12/04/2018 17:10

Talking whilst being sick? How???

buddhasbelly · 12/04/2018 17:11

I'm very conscious that I talk too much and have been really trying to reel it in at work. I'm a single parent to a 4 year old so when I get to work I'm thinking "yes adults to talk to!!"

I have said to my colleagues that I'm aware I do this and trying to stop and just to tell me to shut up but I know equally they shouldn't have to. I also work on my own projects whereas everyone else is in teams so sometimes I do chat to sound out what I'm working on. Sorry Blush

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2018 17:12

Just reading back through the above comments and wondering if anyone had considered that people who don't like to talk much can come across as unfriendly sometimes? Turns and runs out of the thread.

Rudgie47 · 12/04/2018 17:12

When cleaning I'd just say to the owner of the property that it was nice to chat but that you need to concentrate fully on the job which means working in silence really.
With the Mums friend, I'd just turn my head away, this is rude but it works.Or just tell her that you cant listen to her constant rabbitting.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2018 17:13

Yep. Rude.

JessieMcJessie · 12/04/2018 17:15

With your cleaning employer can’t you say politely “I’m sorry but I really need to concentrate on the cleaning, you’re not going to get your money’s worth if Uou keep talking to me”?
With those who have relatives who do this, surely it is kinder to be blunt? My Mum was a bit like this and I’d just say “Mum, OK, stop now! “ and she’d usually take it OK. I did make sure I listened to her for a good while before cutting her off, of course, or if it was clear she really needed to talk to get something off her chest.

People do this because they don’t realise it’s effect, surely? Pussyfooting around them doesn’t help anyone.

Scabetty · 12/04/2018 17:15

Mil was like that. I used to ignore. DH said he once madeput the phone on the side, made a sandwich and a cup of tea and she was still blathering when he put the phone back to his ear Grin

The80sweregreat · 12/04/2018 17:15

‘Rabbit ‘ by Chas n Dave sums up so many people. Terrible song but the message is clear! I know more talkers than quiet ones / most big talkers do seem to be women though. A chatty man is pretty rare ( but could just be that I don’t know any)

The80sweregreat · 12/04/2018 17:19

I agree that non-chatty types can also be rude / hard work / it’s getting the balance right that the hard part. My dh has a friend who you have to try and coax to talk - that is unnerving too. Can’t win really.

Original poster
Fuckitbucket13 · 12/04/2018 17:19

The lady I clean for will start telling me about her friends house, garden, son, sons job, sons house, sons lovely garden. I don't give a fook!! Hmm

OP posts:
CookieSue222 · 12/04/2018 17:23

Yes, sadly there are people in this life who just cannot bear a silence. They seem to believe that if they don't jump in and fill 'the void' with all the gripping details of their day to day life, the rest of us are simply going to die of boredom.
At work we are a relatively small group, who seem to be able to function in a comfortable, friendly, calm manner until said colleague arrives. Then for the rest of the working day we are given so much detail of her day to day home life that we leave work knowing everything about them, down to the colour of her partners underpants for that day! (yes really!).
She even photographs the previous family evening meal for our viewing (I'm not talking something interesting/homemade/ remarkable) - just real run of the mill stuff.
She is actually a really kind, generous, funny person, that just suffers from extreme verbal diarrhoea, and seems to believe that her life is far more interesting than any of ours, which can be exhausting sometimes. We have all worked together a long time, and love her dearly, but just want her to shut up occasionally, and let someone else speak.

The80sweregreat · 12/04/2018 17:23

Hmm - it’s a tough one op. You can’t be rude to her but it’s obviously getting you down hearing about all these people you don’t know. A talker will never get the hint though.

The80sweregreat · 12/04/2018 17:26

Cookie - she isn’t interested in anyone else though is she? That’s what I find hard with some folk. They just don’t engage or learn to listen for a change! It is hard going.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 12/04/2018 17:30

I like chatting to people & finding out about them.

Yeah but that’s ok, when people are interested in you. It’s when they turn everything back to themselves that does my nut in.

And when they talk about people you don’t even know. I have a friend who does this. It’s excruciating.

GREATAUNT1 · 12/04/2018 17:33

She may just employ you to talk at, I’d give the job up & try & get another job for someone who’s very shy.

My SIL & BIL are like that, to a point where we no longer visit them. They pop in & see us occasionally, talk us to death, then leave. It’s like they have the most exciting life styles, & they think we never do anything so they share their thrills with us. They go into every little detail, then they can’t remember which day it was so that they have to go through what they did on each day until it comes to them. Most of the time they’re talking about what people they know did. If we have a new TV, they know someone who has bigger & better one. It’s like a machine gun going off every time they open their mouths. I want to scream at them to just stick to the basics, as they’re boring the fuck out of us!

CookieSue222 · 12/04/2018 17:34

Quite true The 80's. I was bought up believing a conversation was a two way thing - you talk/you listen, you talk/you listen - not a continuous monologue of personal detail.
Unfortunately the OP is pretty much at the mercy of the woman she cleans for.

MyBoysAndI · 12/04/2018 17:35

OP - do you think the lady you clean for is lonely and so doesn't actually employ you to clean but for that hours company?

CookieSue222 · 12/04/2018 17:44

Great Aunt - I feel your pain.
Why do these (often lovely people) think it is ok to impart so much detail? I honestly don't believe there is much left for my colleague to share - I already know all about her financial position, in-laws, medical problems, sex life, family tree going back 6 generations....
Enough please!

The80sweregreat · 12/04/2018 17:48

My sil is like this - I 've noticed my brother doing the same too when he was t like it before. Maybe it rubs off! Chatting disease!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/04/2018 17:50

My children’s grandmother does this, when she’s not talking at you she’s singing.

So I hide in the cupboard in the dark

LittleRedWagon1 · 12/04/2018 17:51

dustarr73

Being deaf really does have its advantages, I used to pretend I couldn’t hear either of the DD’s when they were babies (even though over the baby monitor I could 😉) do DH would get up with them 😁

Sequencedress · 12/04/2018 17:56

I got to the point I couldn’t even do the pleasantries thing with a work colleague as she’d ask, ‘how are you?’ And I’d say, ‘fine thanks!’ (As British politeness dictates!!) If I asked the same back, she’d talk AT me for an hour. I don’t have time for that of a morning. And I see her 5 days a week. It’s got to the point now that she must think I’m a right caaaah, as I never ask after her. I just can’t cope with her monologues! I’m nice, honest, and if we could just chit chat for a few mins then she’d be quiet then great! We could chat! I just have neither the time at work, nor the inclination, to listen to her woes at least 5 hours a week. I timed her once when she was sharing my office for a week while hers was redecorated. For an entire week she didn’t stay quiet for longer that 15 mins at a time. That’s ridiculous. I was almost insane by the end of it. How can people work in 15 min bursts? Plus it was shit about the weather. The fact she was hungry. Oh she needs the loo. Oh her husband said the funniest thing. Oh my phone ringing gave her a fright??? Oh what will she have for for dinner? Did she tell me what her husband said that was so funny? Oh! Need the loo again! Did she tell me about some aloe Vera drink pish she was taking? And did she tell me the funny thing her husband said? You get the gist...
Added to that, I’m an introvert by nature. I’m friendly, and can, and do, chit chat with work colleagues, but I can’t constantly chat (and I don’t think I should be chatting constantly at work!! I’m being paid to work and I need to be quiet to concentrate) and not be utterly knackered at the end of the day. I need to ration my chatting. And that includes being talked at. Why? Why does people need to have their voices heard all the time? No one cares. Seriously. No. One. Cares. I have been tempted to say that to her when she’s really going for it, as it’s so rude to talk at people who obviously aren’t interested. I see other people she’s cornered trying to get away politely, I’m far more brusque and just say, ‘I can’t talk just now, I’m busy’ and walk away. She doesn’t care about monopolising my time so I’m less likely to feel bad about possibly offending her. So op. That’s how I handle her, but I appreciate that’s a bit harsh perhaps for your boss. Maybe the earphones trick?