Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is fair (Hen Do related)

40 replies

lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 00:26

Hen Do 'activity' is to one of those tree swinging/climing adventure type places. 4 of us can't do it due to pregnancy (2), arthritis (MOG) and a fear of heights & back problem (me). However, since it has taken a zillion months for bridemaidzilla to fucking pick something we've said it's fine, we'll just watch (even though she's picked something that excludes the groom's mother and only other two relatives going when the original plan wouldn't, but she dithered too long).

We've already spent £££ on accommodation for the weekend. It's going to be ££ for the minibus to the tree place and then it's £49.50 a head. There's 18 people in total including the bride. BM-Zilla wants it split equally between everyone. However, I'm going to suggest this split...

Minibus split equally between 17.
Brides activity split between 17.
Meaning the 4 not taking part will be £15ish overall and those taking part will be that £15 plus the entry fee for their activity (£65ish)

Partly because I think it's fair. Partly because one of the people not able to take part is already scrimping and saving and I think paying the best part of £50 to not take part is taking the piss. And partly because I'm noticing that BM-zilla is very good at suggesting equal splits when it means she benefits.

I've only been to three hen dos though so wanted to double check before I do - this isn't some kind of hen do faux pas is it?

OP posts:
snewsname · 12/04/2018 00:27

That's fair.

balljuggla · 12/04/2018 00:29

Definitely fair. No way should people be paying for an expensive activity that they can't do!

Homemenu1 · 12/04/2018 00:29

Yes it’s fair, is anything else happening? 50£ for go ape is a lot of money

Original poster
lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 00:31

Yes it’s fair, is anything else happening? 50£ for go ape is a lot of money

No, just the tree top thingy. I'm assuming the cost is so high because it's a bank holiday weekend and has only just been booked because of her faffing about.

OP posts:
CrispyCrackers · 12/04/2018 00:32

Your suggestion is obviously much fairer.

Pinkprincess1978 · 12/04/2018 00:37

Of course that's fair. If you are not taking part then you shouldn't need to pay! So is there a meal or something after?

Returnofthesmileybar · 12/04/2018 00:43

Very fair. If I were you I'd opt out of the bus to the tree place too and spend my £15 in the hotel bar while they were climbing expensive trees

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/04/2018 00:45

Yes, definitely sounds fair.

To be fair, organising group activities fullstop on behalf of someone else's friend's and families is excruciating. However, it does sound as if this BM is particularly inept.

Original poster
lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 00:52

We're staying in a cottage rather than a hotel Return but I might just stay back. Not wanting to cause more drama by saying that now though.

As you can probably tell I've already had issues with BMZilla already (my 15yo twin DDs are also bridesmaids and it's been a nightmare with her).

Dowager Normally I'd agree, but it was super simple as the weekend is the only one the bride can do and the accommodation was chosen with the bride so it was a case of "It's this weekend, are you coming?" Then with the activity someone else organised a massive discount on it and BMZilla got huffy as it was her job so it was left to her to book... Now they're paying £50 to swing around trees!!

OP posts:
Flownthenestmummy · 12/04/2018 00:58

Yes, it is fair, bit strange to pick an activity which not everyone can take part in

NoSquirrels · 12/04/2018 01:01

No bloody WAY would I pay £50 to not take part in a tree-top activity. Who would?

I'd offer to go in on the bride's minibus and activity, but otherwise I would stay back and do something with the 4 of you. Pampering session, prepping food for later, basically anything at all that wasn't hanging around in a forest for no reason. It's a shit spectator sport!

Flownthenestmummy · 12/04/2018 01:02

I agree

NoSquirrels · 12/04/2018 01:03

If you 4 don't go, can they get a smaller minibus? Any overspill e.g. your DDs could go in a car and you drive them?

PopGoesTheWeaz · 12/04/2018 01:04

That sounds most fair and I'm almost embarrassed for the BM that she chose an activity that excluded people and then had the balls to ask them to subsidise the participants.

Also, you may end up spending money (on coffees or what not) to pass the time while they are monkeying around.

Just get in there and put the new suggestion forward before any other silliness happens.

Original poster
lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 01:16

It's a farce, but its too late to change the activity. We're going May bank holiday and it's only just been provisionally booked today.

NoSquirrels If the 4 of us didn't go and I drove my DDs then they could get a smaller bus, but I'm planning on parking my car at the cottage and not moving it until Monday. I don't want to become the designated driver for things. Plus my DDs being there is already a sore point - who tells two then 14yos that they've been declared mature enough to come on the hen weekend without a word to their mother? (who also gets the fun of paying for most of it!). It's not going to be the most raucous hen weekend, but it's going to be very different for me with them there (and my SIL since our 4 bed room incs 2 x 15yos!).

This is why I was double checking before I say anything because everyone knows I have issues with the BM. Anyway, I've put the suggestion in the whatsapp thread. Hopefully other people will agree before BM even sees it in the morning!

OP posts:
GettingBackToMe · 12/04/2018 01:46

That is massively steep for the treetop swinging. From their website the most expensive GoApe adult treetop thing is £33, and that is with out any promos or discounts. They offer stag/hen parties a 10% discount, so that would only be £29 pp.

Your way of splitting the cost seems absolutely fair, but I can't quite believe that she has given you the right prices! Is there any way you can check with the venue yourself?

DPotter · 12/04/2018 02:36

seems very expensive to me as well. and using a mini bus can be more expensive than individual taxis. however your way for dividing the costs seems the fairest way

6triesbuttingout · 12/04/2018 02:37

Just say your happy to go to cottage, but not able to join in activities, so will not be paying for travel etc but would pay for your daughters. And I agree you should have been asked Offer to cook take a slo cooker bung chilli, spaghetti Bol, casserole what ever you like in that! Take a good book and put your feet up. Hope it’s sunny so you can relax in garden. Get one of other non attendees Ito do breakfast and another to do afternoon tea and by the Time the ‘swingers’ have got home and showered just boil huge paneof rice. Pasta or potato. Hope you all have a wonderful s time but I certainly would pay a fortune to sit on a bench looking at people swinging thru trees. Good luck

sockunicorn · 12/04/2018 02:43

OP I would be checking the price of that with the venue - seems a bit high! Would make sure Bridesmaidzilla isn’t charging you all for HER day as well or making a bit of extra cash. Hmm

Copperbonnet · 12/04/2018 04:52

I would absolutely not pay £50 for someone else to do Go Ape while I sat and watch. What a ridiculous suggestion!

I wouldn’t feel in the least guilty about standing my ground either.

Spam88 · 12/04/2018 05:29

I had to read this twice to work out what you actually meant, because it didn't even enter my head that she'd be asking you to pay for everyone else to do an activity that you're not participating in. WTF?? What you've suggested is definitely fair, god knows why she thinks anything else is appropriate.

DanceDisaster · 12/04/2018 05:35

Yanbu. Of course that’s fair and the only reasonable plan of action. Utterly ridiculous cheeky fuckery to expect non-participants to sub everyone else. It’s sad for the bride as it sounds like the weekend might die on its ass at this rate. BM-zilla sounds a total treat.

TinaTop · 12/04/2018 05:37

I would not be paying for an activity I wasn't doing. And if she insisted then I wouldn't be going at all.

TidyDancer · 12/04/2018 06:34

You can't agree to that cost, and no reasonable would expect you to. Your proposal is definitely fair.

AlbusPercivalWulfricBrian · 12/04/2018 06:54

YADNBU.. She sounds awful! Hopefully she was just being a bit thoughtless rather than a CF!