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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is fair (Hen Do related)

40 replies

lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 00:26

Hen Do 'activity' is to one of those tree swinging/climing adventure type places. 4 of us can't do it due to pregnancy (2), arthritis (MOG) and a fear of heights & back problem (me). However, since it has taken a zillion months for bridemaidzilla to fucking pick something we've said it's fine, we'll just watch (even though she's picked something that excludes the groom's mother and only other two relatives going when the original plan wouldn't, but she dithered too long).

We've already spent £££ on accommodation for the weekend. It's going to be ££ for the minibus to the tree place and then it's £49.50 a head. There's 18 people in total including the bride. BM-Zilla wants it split equally between everyone. However, I'm going to suggest this split...

Minibus split equally between 17.
Brides activity split between 17.
Meaning the 4 not taking part will be £15ish overall and those taking part will be that £15 plus the entry fee for their activity (£65ish)

Partly because I think it's fair. Partly because one of the people not able to take part is already scrimping and saving and I think paying the best part of £50 to not take part is taking the piss. And partly because I'm noticing that BM-zilla is very good at suggesting equal splits when it means she benefits.

I've only been to three hen dos though so wanted to double check before I do - this isn't some kind of hen do faux pas is it?

OP posts:

StringandGlitter · 12/04/2018 06:59

I had to read your post a few times before I understood it. The top two lines of proposed split confused me.

I would word it

Minibus split equally between 17.
Brides activity split between those taking part (covering brides costs).

Caulk · 12/04/2018 07:04

Have you checked the site of where you’re visiting as to the cost? Or does that cost involve a meal?

I’ve done loads of them and never paid that much.

Juells · 12/04/2018 07:05

I bet you'll be accused of being CFs 😂

The hen do from hell. Will you not be recognised if someone involved reads this?

pigmcpigface · 12/04/2018 07:43

When will the madness of these extended hen/stag dos end? Of course your suggestion is fair. Fairer still is that brides/stags pay for their own bloody thing. It might lead us back to a sensible place where people have a nice evening out instead of the current circus lasting an entire weekend.

Lizzie48 · 12/04/2018 08:09

YADNBU, of course you shouldn't have to pay for an activity you're not taking part in. That's ridiculous. I'm actually glad that hen weekends didn't happen in the days when my friends and I were getting married, we only had meals out. They always sound like they're more stress than they're worth.

PeanutbutterBuns · 12/04/2018 08:18

YANBU I also would have told the dds that there was a horrible mistake and they aren't invited. Going to completely change the mood having children there not just for you but for everyone.

PeanutbutterBuns · 12/04/2018 08:19

OR that you spoke with the venue and they don't allow children in the area where they keep hen dos and stag dos!

But you'll take them somewhere lovely later to make it up to them.

ChasedByBees · 12/04/2018 08:31

Absolutely your suggestion sounds fair.

ManchesterGin · 12/04/2018 08:39

Sounds fair. Are you paying for the bride? Double check the BMZ is paying her fair share as well. £50 is very expensive for go ape.

LynetteScavo · 12/04/2018 08:53

Eh?

I don't get it. If you do the tree top thing you pay for it, if you don't then you don't pay anything.

Obviously cottage etc should be shared equally. No way would I pay for an activity I'm not doing.

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 12/04/2018 09:29

Are you sure your 15 year olds will be alright to do it?

UnicornRainbowFluffball · 12/04/2018 09:40

Goape is £33. I would assume the £50 includes the £17 for the minibus?

But yanbu.

snewsname · 12/04/2018 20:47

The grooms mother won't be impressed with paying for everyone else to swing.

Original poster

lalalalyra · 12/04/2018 21:13

A few people agreed. Then a few started to grumble about the cost. Then it was pointed out that tree swinging is not really the bride's cup of tea and that certain people couldn't do it. So BM told someone else to organise something then. So the groom's sister did :) Result!

YANBU I also would have told the dds that there was a horrible mistake and they aren't invited. Going to completely change the mood having children there not just for you but for everyone.

By the time I found out they'd spent their own money on fancy dress costumes for the first night and were really looking forward to it. The bride decided she didn't want them upset so asked that they not be uninvited, and she also invited another younger teenager in the family.

I'm not happy at all, and my girls know I'm not. I've explained why and they understand why, but it's the bride's weekend. There's a few people really pissed off about it, but the bride is actually hoping it'll keep them a bit calmer. It certainly changed it from a boozy weekend in a cottage to a chilled-out girly weekend with a few drinks. Not my doing though - and I insisted that people be told they were going before they paid any money so that they didn't think they were getting one thing and then landed with another.

OP posts:

snewsname · 12/04/2018 23:28

I'm glad the groom's sister has sorted something out that everyone is happy with. Enjoy your chilled girly weekend. You might find you bond more with your daughters as they see you as a person rather than just mum.

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