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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ask permission

80 replies

Mothercarerskivvy · 11/04/2018 23:15

Basic facts: I'm taking my children on holiday in term time. We've relocated due to dv. Court cases involved, kids having counselling....
Holiday is within UK. £280 for the week I've booked. £1300 in holidays.
School has an online form asking 'permission' to take holidays.
I spent years asking 'permission' to even leave the house and I will not ask a stranger if I can take my children away.
My AIBU is: I'm not asking permission. They're my children. So I'll just email and say I'm going. I refuse to Ask.
Am I wrong?

OP posts:
popularandspirited · 11/04/2018 23:59

How old are your children?

theeyeofthestormchaser · 11/04/2018 23:59

Omg. Your kids’s Relationship with their school is not the same as your relationship with your ex.

You are legally bound to have your kids attend school in term time. You should inform school if you are thinking if taking a term time holiday. It’s just polite.

And yes, kids can be harmed by taking frequent holidays in term time (to a pp).

popularandspirited · 12/04/2018 00:00

Oh, I\d go for it then, they're in primary school. It'll be fine

theeyeofthestormchaser · 12/04/2018 00:00

Drip feed...

Why would you need to meet the ht if there are no issues?

What serious safety issues?.

AnduinsGirl · 12/04/2018 00:01

Anduins - that’s interesting, I’d have assumed school would rather save the time hassle and just like a direct message! I might change my approach if that’s likely to be seen as rude!
Not all schools are the same of course - we have a massive problem with persistent absenteeism and transient families. This way just works for us. :)

GnotherGnu · 12/04/2018 00:02

You can't pick and choose what laws you obey. The law says that you must ensure that your children receive full time education, and that if they are registered at a school you must have authorisation to take them out during termtime if you want to avoid a fine. If you don't want to fill in the form, be ready to pay the fines.

Yes, they're your children, but that gives you responsibilities as well as rights. If you claim that only you can make decisions about your children, how far are you going to take that? Is it no-one's business but yours whether you choose to feed them, or use physical punishments, or get them medical treatment when then need it?

Shizzlestix · 12/04/2018 00:05

Safety as in their father has been allowed access? I would speak to a point of contact, not the ht, to say the kids will be on holiday. We have children with issues at school and the parents aren’t penalised for taking them on holiday.

Sparklynails7 · 12/04/2018 00:07

Maybe take your children on holiday at the end of term, so just before the holidays. You might still get in trouble, but you could argue that children aren't taught much near the end of term so taking time out from school wouldn't have a huge impact on your children's education.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2018 00:07

So is the 11 year old in year 6 (SATS year) or in secondary school?

Tippexy · 12/04/2018 00:08

Of course YABU, and you know it.

I would say, please don't be one of those parents, but I fear it might be too late...

Casmama · 12/04/2018 00:08

I can totally understand your point of view but the fact is that they can’t stop you. They would try and stop you.
Would it help to reframe it as informing the school rather than asking permission?
I imagine the fines for five children could be quite significant and if there is any chance that filling in the form would reduce the likelihood then surely it would be worth it?

Casmama · 12/04/2018 00:09

Sorry they wouldn’t try and stop you it should have said

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2018 00:12

The fine won't be for 5 children as at least one of them is under the age of 5. I think they can only start fining from the school term that the child turns 5.

milliegeobotandyou · 12/04/2018 00:13

I understand you OP. I understand you're fragile and you're sensitive from what you've been through, MN is not a good place to come when you're feeling like that though IME as it just causes more hurt and anger. I think you've come across an unintentional trigger and are possibly feeling out of control with your life due to relocating and disliking the head of the school etc.

From what you said I see you'll be taking the children on holiday regardless of what we say anyway, so I hope you enjoy it. I hope you have a great time and it's just what you all need. I'm sure after what you've been through you all deserve it. xx

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/04/2018 00:13

You must inform them, of course.
I understand your issue about asking permission, but just write and tell them that you will be taking your children away.
Sounds like the school have fucked up with your safety/ DV/ relocation somehow - sorry to hear that! Take the children away on the holiday, deal with the fall-out later.
But make sure you tell them, please.

missnevermind · 12/04/2018 00:15

I would write a letter for the head informing them that you are taking the children away and the dates.
Tell them that as they know it has been a difficult year and to help everybody to come to terms with it all you feel you need this time together to heal as a family.

I wrote something similar one year and as it was a Catholic school I threw in the importance of family values too.

You are giving all the information needed in a non confrontational manor without asking permission as it will be happening anyway.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/04/2018 00:19

If the 11 year old is doing Sats that’s going to be difficult.

The fines are, I believe, £60 per child per parent, so you might have to factor in an extra couple of hundred pounds. Do the school have your ex’s contact details? If they do, he might find out you’ve been on holiday as they might write to him too. I’m not sure how it works so now don’t quote me on that.

shooshoopoopoo · 12/04/2018 00:35

Phone the sch. Speak to whoever is the most senior person you have dealt with before. Explain to them why this holiday is important to you. Don't be bolshy. Likley to dodge a fine if you are reasonable.
I feel quite strongly as someone who would or wouldn't give you permission, that this is a law which
discriminates against the poor, who most often cannot afford the increased prices duri g holiday times.

However, it is more problematic if the people asking for time off during term time are the same parents who regualrly keep their kids off school for one reason or another. I am shocked at how many people do notvalue education enough to ensure their children are in school unless there are exceptional reasons.
Enjoy your holiday!

ILoveMyCaravan · 12/04/2018 00:48

I always take my kids away during term time. It's the only time we can go away due to running our own business. I inform the school when we are going once it's booked.

I absolutely refuse to ask 'permission' from anyone to take MY kids away on holiday. The school do not penalise us for it. Kids are both teenagers and we've been doing this since they were 4.

zzzzz · 12/04/2018 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 12/04/2018 01:02

Sorry this is too weird and the drip feed odd, why would a head master ask a parent not to take children away in the school holidays...there seems more to this and maybe the drip feed will tell or not

“Mothercarerskivvy

I apologise for lack of context.
5 children between 3 and 11.
Huge issues already with headteacher whom I only met 3 weeks ago (children have been there since September with serious safety issues) and who made a point of saying the school has messed up but don't take them away in the holidays....”

MirriVan · 12/04/2018 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SickofThomasTheTank · 12/04/2018 01:09

My friend escaped DV a few years ago when fines first began and the school allowed it on the basis of it being beneficial to the child. No fines issued.

SickofThomasTheTank · 12/04/2018 01:10

*Beneficial to the child because of what they'd been through that year I mean

lattewith3shotsplease · 12/04/2018 01:16

OP.
Be aware that what you put on here is PUBLIC ....I get exactly what you're saying Wink

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