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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or not - hen do

45 replies

Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:14

Just wondered if iv got a right to be abit annoyed or not.

I’m going on a hen do in a couple of months time, abroad. Flights and accommodation is booked and all paid for.

But we have just had a message asking us for £60 for ‘activities’ ... 2 on the day we arrive and one on the evening on the second day.

Now I wasn’t expecting any extra costs so the fact there asking for £60 to be paid for by the end of the months has annoyed me a little bit... BUT what’s annoyed me the most is that when I asked in the what’s app group chat ‘what are the activities’ .. I just got a reply of ‘that would be telling’ hmm

WELL OBV THATS WHY I ASKED!

The whole location of the hen do is being kept a secret from the hen and I get that but why can’t we know what we are paying for ?! Iv left it tonight as I’m abit annoyed but I will send a message direct to the person organising it again tomorrow asking again ... am I being unreasonable to ask again ? Or not.

I don’t feel like I am.

On top of the £60 they also want us to buy a fancy dress outfit which I was expecting (just so I’m not drop feeding) outfit will cost approx £20 ish

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 11/04/2018 23:15

I think you need to know, so that you can decide whether you want to participate.

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:16

I think it’s expected that everyone will just Participate..

The lady’s that have organised it I hardly know, I’m good friends with the hen and a few others but not this group of girls that are doing the planning.

There is approx 20 of us going.

OP posts:
HermionesRightHook · 11/04/2018 23:18

I hate these things. They always end up just being the most massive money suck.

Would it possible to say 'I need to know before I pay because I can't do all activities and there's no point in me paying if I won't be taking part'? Or would that cause a ruck?

E.g. if there's a likelihood of parasailing, no chance I'd be doing it - terrified of falling.

DickensianHysteric · 11/04/2018 23:19

YANBU. I would just leave it, and then when they chase you up for your bank details, reply and say 'that would be telling'. Wink

Popc0rn · 11/04/2018 23:21

YANBU to be annoyed, the costs of hen dos have got way out of control in my opinion. Alot of my friends have got engaged recently and I'm dreading all the extra expenses like this...Saying that I also hate confrontation so I'd probably cough up the £60 no questions asked cos I'm a wimp BlushGrin

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:22

DickensianHysteric - I actually laughed at that!

I’m pretty sure at least one will include drinking/drinks

OP posts:
lostpigeon · 11/04/2018 23:23

I'd want to know what I am spending my money on up front. YADNBU

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:24

Pop - I’m not quite a wimp but I also don’t want to cause a massive hissy fit when I have to spend a couple of nights with these women soon and make the hen feel awkward.

I think I will message again tomorrow asking what they are again. Don’t know why it’s so hush hush when they want £60 off me and I’m not the hen!

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 11/04/2018 23:25

yanbu. You've got a budget, being asked for more once you've committed isn't fair. Especially if you're not being told what it's for. Some 'activities' might be brilliant - taking a sports car round a racing circuit would float my boat. Some might be dire - being massaged with something holistic and whale music in the background would make me want to vomit.

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:25

Think il message something like this tomorrow ... to the point but not rude..

Hey, so what are the activities planned... I like to know what I’m paying for normally😂

OP posts:
lostpigeon · 11/04/2018 23:26

A friend of mine is having a stag do abroad this year for 3 nights. It's costing a grand each. Luckily I had something already booked so can't go. Not chuffed in a way to be missing out, but a grand for 3 nights. nah

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:27

Ours is costing £240, they asked us to budget £250 so it’s actually £50 over budget with the added £60 as well...

OP posts:
lostpigeon · 11/04/2018 23:28

I've been on stag do's where activities are spelled out before we go, and they are up to the individual whether they want to participate. Those who did not had a spare few hours to do what they wanted

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:30

I just look like I’m going to be that one moaning and asking since a few others have just said

‘Great planning girls’
‘Sounds brillaint’

Hmm I don’t know what sounds brilliant as we don’t know what the plans are!

OP posts:
lostpigeon · 11/04/2018 23:30

so sammy....you are deffo needing to ask what the activities are, and whether you can miss out and have an hour or 2 just watching or chilling!

BackforGood · 11/04/2018 23:30

I was going to say I'd just reply to "leave me out of the activities then, as I obviously aren't going to now start trying to find yet more money, for things I might not be able to do". but
I like DickensianHysteric's response better Grin

Original poster
Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:31

lostpigeon - I want that option, I will probably do them but I still just want to know!

OP posts:
lostpigeon · 11/04/2018 23:36

yes, definetly need to know what they are, so you can make that choice.

FASH84 · 11/04/2018 23:40

There were always going to be spending/activity costs on top of the trip, but YANBU to know what said activities are. Last year I sent to Tenerife on my best friend's little sister's hen, known her since she was a kid and my BF and I never got around to an abroad girls trip before kids (her) hubbies etc, so two birds one stone. She planned activities every day and gave an itinerary in advance, sounds hellish but wasn't. She just wanted everyone to know what was going on so they could pick and choose which bits to do/budget for, some were free (beach games, bride bingo etc) others cost more (banana boat, water park...). No one was made to feel pressured into doing any of it. It was a joint hen with her close friend and there were 49 of us!! It was mad but fun but everyone had a day in what they did and spent

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/04/2018 00:01

God, it’s already sounding like my idea of hell. Some jumped up twerp treating you like a child. Arghhhh.

MrsGB2225 · 12/04/2018 00:04

This would annoy me. I was invited to a hen where no one what was happening all weekend, I didn't go.

Butterymuffin · 12/04/2018 00:04

I like BackforGood's response. Send that with a smiley face. I would want to know it wasn't rock climbing, pole dancing or somesuch.

QuoadUltra · 12/04/2018 00:07

‘Hahahah. Yeah. Just tell me what I a paying for.’

beyondBeyondLivid · 12/04/2018 03:25

I don't think you're unreasonable for asking but I think it depends on how much $60 is to you and if it's worth potentially causing bad feeling.

The real problem is hen nights becoming hen dos and needing to include flights and hotels and activities etc.

Caulk · 12/04/2018 04:51

I don’t think it would bother me to not know, I’ve been to hen parties before where it’s been a surprise to everyone and I’ve enjoyed that.

Is it that everyone except the organiser doesn’t know or everyone except the organiser and you?

When you say you left it, I assume that’s left it alone though and not left the group chat?

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