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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or not - hen do

45 replies

Sammy901 · 11/04/2018 23:14

Just wondered if iv got a right to be abit annoyed or not.

I’m going on a hen do in a couple of months time, abroad. Flights and accommodation is booked and all paid for.

But we have just had a message asking us for £60 for ‘activities’ ... 2 on the day we arrive and one on the evening on the second day.

Now I wasn’t expecting any extra costs so the fact there asking for £60 to be paid for by the end of the months has annoyed me a little bit... BUT what’s annoyed me the most is that when I asked in the what’s app group chat ‘what are the activities’ .. I just got a reply of ‘that would be telling’ hmm

WELL OBV THATS WHY I ASKED!

The whole location of the hen do is being kept a secret from the hen and I get that but why can’t we know what we are paying for ?! Iv left it tonight as I’m abit annoyed but I will send a message direct to the person organising it again tomorrow asking again ... am I being unreasonable to ask again ? Or not.

I don’t feel like I am.

On top of the £60 they also want us to buy a fancy dress outfit which I was expecting (just so I’m not drop feeding) outfit will cost approx £20 ish

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 12/04/2018 05:06

I don't think its surprising that they've booked activities for the hen wkend, do you know the girls organising it?
You could ask again what it is but if realisticly you're going to be doing it anyway then just pay

TheHobbyKing · 12/04/2018 07:22

I went on a hen where none of us were allowed to know what was happening and it was fucking annoying. If I’m being asked for money then I have every right to know what it’s being spent on. Turns out it was not much and we couldn’t understand what our money had been used for.

It’s like some fucking secret bridesmaid club. Fuck off with that.

StickThatInYourPipe · 12/04/2018 07:30

Did you mean in your OP that you don't even know where you are going??

StickThatInYourPipe · 12/04/2018 07:33

Ignore me Ian just read it was a secret from the hen!

JonSnowsCloak · 12/04/2018 07:50

Assuming you've budgeted some spends over there for drinks/meals etc could it be the 60 quid includes some element of that? E.g. I've been on one that included a meal and drinks at a venue where there was a stripper so some of the money I would have spent anyway went on That? Definitely don't hand anything over until you know what you're paying for but maybe say something along the lines of what does the 60 quid cover, does it include our food and drinks for that night as I only have X amount of spends and need to know if the 60 quid would cover food and drinks that night? We had a group that excluded the hen and while it's fine for small bits like mr and Mrs or props to be kept secret beforehand if you're asked for 60 quid you need to know what that gets you!

pictish · 12/04/2018 08:02

Hen and stag dos have become an unnecessarily expensive and elaborate pain in the arse in my opinion. Not everyone has an inexhaustible supply of money to indulge every whim connected with one of these jumped up affairs. Yanbu.

ChasedByBees · 12/04/2018 08:23

I would need to know or I wouldn’t pay.

StealthPolarBear · 12/04/2018 08:29

I think you just need to say you want to know what they are as you not be able to participate

antiAlias · 12/04/2018 08:42

@TheHobbyKing

You just broke the first rule of bridesmaid club!

TheHobbyKing · 12/04/2018 08:52

😄 Oh well.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 12/04/2018 08:53

£60 each for 19 hens is a LOT of money so I'd definitely want a rough idea of what to expect

As a minimum I'd want to know if they are outdoor activities (Segway, Archery etc) or indoor things like cocktail making/pole dancing

Could you use the excuse of needing a few clues so you know what clothes to pack?

I'd pay £60 for a couple of proper fun outdoor activities plus a drinking activity but I wouldn't be impressed paying £60 to find out its all gone on a topless waiter or stripper!

TheHobbyKing · 12/04/2018 09:06

What if it turns out to be an activity that you really hate doing? You should get the option to say you’ll watch rather than pay for it and then find out.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/04/2018 09:16

I get why you're annoyed, I would want to know too. If she won't tell you though and you opt out of paying the £60 you might be the only one not participating in whatever it is. Would that bother you?

pomelo33 · 12/04/2018 10:15

I've had experience of this... and it's so frustrating! I'm completely with you here, and I did ask how much things would be. I opted out of an activity in the end due to cost, and the bridesmaids were very nice about it. However, the bride - normally a very laid back and lovely woman - went insane over it and our friendship hasn't been the same since, no joke!

What I've learnt is that some people take this hen/wedding thing v v v seriously and it's easier to just go along with it if you don't want grief...

Blanikbalm · 12/04/2018 10:41

I can't help but think people who go to such lengths for hen weekends and weddings have watched too much Kardashians.

Out of a dozen brides I know, five were like this. Four of which divorced within two years. It's as if they're trying to fill a void.

I wouldn't go.

SydneyCarton · 12/04/2018 11:58

I went on my younger sister’s hen do when she and all the other hens lived in our home town and my middle sister and I lived in London. I asked the girl organising it if we needed different travel arrangements because we were coming from a different place but she said no, it’s all fine, it’s a surprise meet at my house 11 am Saturday. Middle sis and I travelled down Friday night, stayed overnight with our parents and went over there Saturday morning. Few drinks, minibus turns up, we all get on and yes, travel straight back up the motorway to London . It was a scavenger hunt in a bar off Oxford Street that I could have got to in half an hour on the bus from my flat. Then we had to pay £30 each for the minibus, aaargh! Not impressed.

coragreta · 12/04/2018 19:04

I don't know why but I need to know too.

Coulddowithanap · 12/04/2018 19:16

Can you private message her and ask what the activities are? Maybe she doesn't want to spoil the surprise for everyone.

My sister organised a hen party for a friend and kept it all a secret from the bride (we all knew what was planned and a couple of people didn't do all of the activities.. a couple got seasickness and we had a boat trip planned).

PlasticWatch · 12/04/2018 19:18

that would be telling

SleepingStandingUp · 12/04/2018 19:32

You def need to know. I wouldn't jump out of a plane, my sister wouldn't go diving, my newly pregnant friend wouldn't do cocktail classes. It's not rocket science to figure people will want to know what they're doing for that much money. How you get an answer

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