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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Myself and my partner.... AIBU?

75 replies

JustVent · 11/04/2018 10:55

It’s my partner and I......!

Whenever I read ‘myself’ I fee like it’s someone trying to sound literate but failing spectacularly.

Same as “please contact myself.”

No.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 11/04/2018 12:24

A man who phoned me yesterday said 'I just need to take some details from yourself'

DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 12:25

oh well at least he didn't say 'myself just needs to take some details from yourself'...Grin

OldBandTeeShirt · 11/04/2018 12:29

To complicate, certain uses of reflexive pronouns are standard in Hiberno-English, eg. 'Is himself inside?', 'Good man yourself!' and 'Is it yourself?' (which is more or less a phatic greeting, rather than a question.)

Though I agree that the 'it is more formal-sounding, therefore I should say it to sound important' usage is fairly annoying -- I think of it as a The Apprentice usage, because it was the first place I came across it a lot, a few seasons back, when all the hapless numbskulls brought back to the boardroom would bleat in response to questions 'That would be myself, Lord Sugar.'

This is from Stan Carey's brilliant language blog:
------

Reflexive pronouns are very common in Irish English, often used for slight emphasis, e.g., “Good man/woman yourself”, “Ah, ‘tis yourself!” There are a few examples at the foot of this page:


“An’ is it yourself that’s there, Mikee Noonan?” said the one first introduced to the reader.
“Indeed it’s myself and nobody else,” said Noonan
(Samuel Lover, The Burial of the Tithe)

And here:


“You know yourself ‘tisn’t lucky to postpone a wedding.”
“’Tis herself was picked, so no other’ll do.”
(M.J. Molloy, The King of Friday’s Men)

As well as being used this way, herself and himself also serve as informal terms for “the wife” or “the woman of the house”, and “the husband” or “the man of the house”, respectively. It’s a colloquial way of mentioning someone casually, respectfully, and perhaps with a little mild, affectionate mockery. A character in The Irish Twins says, “Come along to my house this afternoon, and listen to Himself telling about the States!” You can imagine eyes rolled or eyebrows raised in knowing amusement in the delivery of that line.
--------------
'Himself' or 'herself' is more or less equivalent to the English affectionate informal usage 'him indoors' or 'her indoors', in fact.

Anyone who's interested in language should have a look at Stan Carey's blog -- this is a good entry on descriptivism vs prescriptivism

stancarey.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/descriptivism-vs-prescriptivism-war-is-over-if-you-want-it/

and this is the one this thread reminded me, on 'compulsive pedantry' in Ali Smith's How To Be Both:

stancarey.wordpress.com/2018/03/28/compulsive-pedantry/#more-24519

but the whole blog is endlessly interesting and well-informed.

ShanghaiDiva · 11/04/2018 12:31

Drives me nuts and it's starting to appear In letters from school-
Myself and Mr....will be running the ....
It just sounds so odd. I don't understand why the writer thinks it's correct.

pigmcpigface · 11/04/2018 12:32

Agree that it's rude to correct in public. But I think a lot of people get really nervous around these statements, and hesitate over what is right. Quick tip - it really helps in these cases to take out the other person.

"Give the letters to me"
"Give the letters to John and me"

"I went to the park"
"My partner and I went to the park"

"I would like to invite you"
"Anna and I would like to invite you"

wastingtimeontinternet · 11/04/2018 12:35

Ha ha. I read your title and, thinking it was going to be a thread about an argument between you and your partner, thought yes, you’re being unreasonable, just because you’ve put ‘myself’.

EBearhug · 11/04/2018 12:45

I do talk to myself sometimes, which is correct linguistically, but possibly insane behaviour...

OuaisMaisBon · 11/04/2018 12:48

Myself too, wastingtimeontinternet, myself too Wink

JaneJeffer · 11/04/2018 13:01

It's perfectly acceptable and normal in Ireland to say myself and Mary are going to town.

AlessandroVasectomi · 11/04/2018 13:08

Agree about the ‘myself’ thing. I heard somebody on the radio once say that it’s used like a very polite form of address - ‘Can I get anything else for yourself?’, like ‘your majesty’.

supersop60 · 11/04/2018 13:11

To all those people saying there are no rules - yes, there are, but obviously you wouldn't be breaking the law if you were ungrammatical.
If you are the subject of the sentence then you use the nominative case eg John and I bought a cake.
If you are the object of the sentence you use the accusative case eg Bob bought a cake for John and me.
If you are both object and subject of a sentence, you use the reflexive eg I bought myself a cake.
The difference show up more in other languages, say Latin or German, because the word endings change depending on what case you are using.
janejeffer - I am hearing that phrase in an Irish accent and it sounds perfectly acceptable!

Poppins2016 · 11/04/2018 13:13

One of my favourite grammar tips regarding the use of 'I' or 'me' in a sentence is to consider what you'd write if the person was killed off.

E.g.

My husband and I went to the shops.

Please give the the instructions to my husband and me.

TotHappy · 11/04/2018 13:14

It is annoying, the overuse of myself, but not half as annoying as 'les' used for 'fewer' or, most grating of all, 'infer' used for 'imply'.

TotHappy · 11/04/2018 13:15

*less DAMMIT!

PickleFish · 11/04/2018 13:16

Agree totally about myself/yourself etc.
And the misuse of me/I - although in informal contexts, I don't mind them being used wrongly.

The choice of me/I is a grammatical one; the choice of which to put first is a stylistic one, in my view. It's not wrong to use 'me and my partner', grammatically. Some people feel that it's more polite to put the other person first, but that's a stylistic decision, not a grammatical one. I'd use whoever is more important in a particular situation - there can be subtle differences that the order of people gets across.

SumAndSubstance · 11/04/2018 13:34

DullAndOld, I love how you went from 'it's a strength of the English language that there is no regulatory body' to 'GIVE ME A GAVEL AND A FAKE BEARD' in 10 minutes flat Grin

DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 13:35

Grin do i contradict myself? very well then i contradict myself...

I just want to wear a fake beard and make up the rules as i go along tbh...

sweetsweetlovin · 11/04/2018 14:26

Do not get me started on the apostrophe Wink

I really really really try not the judge when I receive emails from people who are paid FAR more than me and they begin

"Hi guy's"

FUCK OFF

scampimom · 11/04/2018 14:34

Got this email from an estate agent. Makes me shudder every time. Never did go to view the place.

Myself and my partner.... AIBU?
DullAndOld · 11/04/2018 14:35

Grin sweetsweet that's funny.

Once i had a job at a grocer's, and one of my task's was to do the price sign's for the fruit and vegetable's.

I had such fun with random apostrophe's but i may have only been amusing myself, nobody else...

reddington · 11/04/2018 14:37

YANBU! At least when you come across someone misusing myself and yourself you know you’re dealing with a complete idiot and can treat them accordingly.

Gottagetmoving · 11/04/2018 15:48

oh well at least he didn't say 'myself just needs to take some details from yourself

If he had said that I would have had to track him down and kill him Grin

Lobsterquadrille2 · 11/04/2018 18:23

DullAndOld GrinGrin

Spotted recently....

Myself and my partner.... AIBU?
Whatshallidonowpeople · 11/04/2018 19:05

If yourself could call myself...idiots!

EBearhug · 11/04/2018 19:20

I did enjoy pointing out the errors in the new "Standard Communications" doc which was sent round to the department today. Grin

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