Children not brushing their teeth for a week

[Pigeonpost]

My 3 DC (aged 5-10) went to stay with their grandparents for a week over the holidays. They live an 8 hour drive away (each way) so don't see them often and all parties really enjoy this week together.

Anyway it transpired tonight that the DC thought their toothbrushes hadn't been packed (they were, DH had told DC1 they were in a side pocket of the suitcase). MIL never raised this with us (so we could tell her where they were) and didn't buy them new toothbrushes, just told them to use what was in the bathroom (MIL and FIL's own toothbrushes, this bit alone makes me feel ill).

DC1 used one of PIL's brushes. DC2 and 3 don't like mint toothpaste fussy little blighters so have a different flavour one (which was packed) so apparently just swished water around their mouths. DC2 has weak tooth enamel due to an issue in utero and has 4 big cavities as a result which are regularly filled and treated by the dentist. We have to be rigorous about his teeth brushing and PIL know this.

DH is refusing to discuss it with MIL now as he doesn't see what good it would do. The kids are going again for a week in the summer so he's proposing to raise it then.

AIBU to think that this is bordering on neglect? I'm not sure I want my DC to go in the summer if this is the sort of shit PIL pull. There are other minor things that we just let slide because it's only 1-2 weeks a year (all day tv, numerous pyjama days, eating shit food) and not enough to risk damaging the DC's (and our) relationship with PIL over. PIL would be devastated not to have the DC and DC would be too as they love going and have some fun trips out and get spoilt rotten. PIL have what I would describe as much lower levels of domestic and personal hygiene than we do but as above, we can get over that. But I'm really cross about the tooth brushing. Am I being a snowflake and projecting my general issues about my IL's or is this unacceptable?

I wouldn't get that worked up about this. I used to go weeks without brushing my teeth as a child because I was lazy and forgetful and would tell my parents I had because it was easier.
just a friendly reminder next time to all parties concerned!
seems to me that you're just looking for something to be annoyed at the in laws over...

Assuming they went to stay with grandparents to either help you out with childcare or so that the kids could have a nice week away, I would be inclined to not make a big deal as other than this I’m sure the grandparents did a great job at looking after them.
I agree with your DH and bring it up before the next stay, and also ensure the kids know where their brushes and toothpaste are before hand.

Whilst I agree that wading in about it seems excessive and more effective to do this next time can I ask how you know? I'm afraid I'd be speaking to my in laws as I would be seriously questioning whether my DC's had got it quite right. None of the adults nor the 10 year checked the bag properly....really?!? PiL's said use ours?

Yes, I accept that neglectful is too strong a term. I think the most accurate description is just slovenly to be honest, covers most of the "issues" we have but just let slide because for 1-2 weeks a year, it's not that important.

I thought you were a bit unreasonable until you mentioned the child having dental issues. I'd call and let them know they really have to be on top of tooth brishing. DOn't be mean or accusing, just let them know nicely.

As for sharing [grim]

I don't see any good reason why they wouldn't have sorted it out for them... would they be OK with them not showering for a week? Because I actually think that's less bad, as it wouldn't have any long term consequences.

I wouldn't say it's neg;ect as they obviously thought they were brushing their teeth ie using the brushes in the bathroom which is fucking gross anyway and using their toothpaste. However, it's just strange. You can get 3 toothbrushes in ASDA for 17p or something crazy, it's not like they're expensive.

Personally I don't think it's acceptable at all. Would be different if they were teenagers etc and have an element of choice in it.

Ugh I'll never forget this but I had a friend I didn't know very well to stay once and as I was getting some water in the morning I heard a buzzing sound from my bathroom. Oh, she must have an electric toothbrush too I thought. She came out of the bathroom and said oh my, that toothbrush it rips your gums up, I don't know how you use an electric one. I was almost fucking sick. Had to do a trip to Tesco to get four toothbrush heads as I literally couldn't use that fucking thing. Not to mention at that point I'd just been told I had a vulnerability to Hepatitis B (found out by a blood test) and no immunity to it and she worked in healthcare and hadn't been vaccinated, I was massively fucked off about it but didn't say anything. End of rant. Some people are gross.

Yes its bloody neglect and yes teeth can gain carries cavities in a week especially on a child with week enamel. It needs bringing up. I agree with the facetiming them whilst brushing to make sure.

How is not the same Pengggwn?

If you have responsibility of looking after a child whether it be because they're related to you or you're a teacher away on a trip, you either think the child is old enough to brush their own teeth or they're not.

I would raise it and say they can go on condition they have their teeth brushed thoroughly twice a day. My two year old has serious issues with tooth decay and it can happen very quickly.

Its called BASIC hygeine for a reason. Its basic to be done twice a day no questions asked. A week is ridiculous.did they bath in that week at all?

It is a bit gross and I would be unhappy about it. I do think ten is old enough to sort out tooth brushing though. My DD would never have gone out without brushing her teeth at ten.

Is it possible that they didn't tell their grandparents that they couldn't find their toothbrushes?

GreatDuckCookery

Give up. I'm not biting.

I'm not trying to make you bite.
I asked you a reasonable question which for some reason you refuse to answer.

To be honest I think OP is right to be concerned.

When I was a student I got given a massive sweetshop-sized jar of fizzy sweets which I had as a bedtime snack for a week and then I noticed that my front teeth felt rough. I would clean my teeth before going out but then would fall asleep with alcopops etc on them (very sugary) but it was the fizzy sweets at bedtime that tipped things over the edge.

I had permanently ruined the enamel on them and had to have veneers. So far on my fourth set after chipping/cracking two sets. Probably can only have one more set then it's crowns and I'm only in my 40s.

So teeth need protecting. A week of not cleaning (especially when combined with sugar, fizzy drinks etc) can do A LOT of damage.

GreatDuckCookery

It was a very odd question that has nothing to do with this situation. So I do refuse to answer it, but not 'for some reason' - for that reason.

If you know your dh has shit teeth from their lack of dental care, why would you think your dc would be treated any different?

I would put the 10 year old in charge of the tooth brushes and brushing, and ring every night to check it's been done. If you don't feel your 10 year old is responsible enough to do that then I think you should think about whether it's worth letting them stay.
Brazzle is right, it would appear that your PIL's don't place a high priority on dental hygiene, and it doesn't look like they have learnt from your partners poor dental health.

My 5 yo neice always makes sure she knows where her toothbrush and toothpaste is packed. Sounds like OP needs to do something to boost his/her kids life skills.

@magnolias - depends at least part on genetics too. None of my cousins brush (are in a country where it was not really deemed as important until 10 years ago) and eat all kinds of sugary crap, but they still have all of their own teeth, perfect gums etc. They rinse their mouths out after every meal and may visit the dentist once a year if they remember and that’s it.

If your dh knows his teeth are bad due to lack of dental hygiene help from his parents why isn’t he more bothered about his DC’s?