Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children not brushing their teeth for a week

73 replies

Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 00:49

My 3 DC (aged 5-10) went to stay with their grandparents for a week over the holidays. They live an 8 hour drive away (each way) so don't see them often and all parties really enjoy this week together.

Anyway it transpired tonight that the DC thought their toothbrushes hadn't been packed (they were, DH had told DC1 they were in a side pocket of the suitcase). MIL never raised this with us (so we could tell her where they were) and didn't buy them new toothbrushes, just told them to use what was in the bathroom (MIL and FIL's own toothbrushes, this bit alone makes me feel ill).

DC1 used one of PIL's brushes. DC2 and 3 don't like mint toothpaste fussy little blighters so have a different flavour one (which was packed) so apparently just swished water around their mouths. DC2 has weak tooth enamel due to an issue in utero and has 4 big cavities as a result which are regularly filled and treated by the dentist. We have to be rigorous about his teeth brushing and PIL know this.

DH is refusing to discuss it with MIL now as he doesn't see what good it would do. The kids are going again for a week in the summer so he's proposing to raise it then.

AIBU to think that this is bordering on neglect? I'm not sure I want my DC to go in the summer if this is the sort of shit PIL pull. There are other minor things that we just let slide because it's only 1-2 weeks a year (all day tv, numerous pyjama days, eating shit food) and not enough to risk damaging the DC's (and our) relationship with PIL over. PIL would be devastated not to have the DC and DC would be too as they love going and have some fun trips out and get spoilt rotten. PIL have what I would describe as much lower levels of domestic and personal hygiene than we do but as above, we can get over that. But I'm really cross about the tooth brushing. Am I being a snowflake and projecting my general issues about my IL's or is this unacceptable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 09:38

Thanks all, I thought I might be being a bit snowflakey, I was just so cross. I can't understand why PIL wouldn't say anything but they are generally a bit shit about communicating with us whilst the DC are with them (which is another thing that annoys me) so perhaps par for the course. The toothbrushes and toothpaste WERE in a toiletries bag but clearly the lesson is to not pack it in a side pocket and for DH to stress the importance of of making sure their teeth are brushed next time they go. My DH has got terrible teeth and says he never remembers going to the dentist when he was growing up. In fact, he rarely goes now, hasn't been for at least 3 years, if not longer.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 09:42

Why on earth didn't you or DH tell them where the toothbrushes were? Confused

50sQueen · 11/04/2018 09:49

Did you not talk to the children all
Week? If my children are in sleepovers the first questions i ask them when I get the opp to speak to them is "did you brush your teeth?" It's on impulse. Similarly did gp not mention they couldn't find the brushes? Next time you need to unpack their bags for them when they arrive or if getting collected show them where they are packed. Also are you sure that this is true? My children would tell me this just to wind me up as they would know it would make me mad and then joyfully watch my breakdowns over it.

MarthasGinYard · 11/04/2018 09:51

50's

Agree

First thing I always ask dd too. I get her to pack so she know where everything is. Wink

MarthasGinYard · 11/04/2018 09:52

And surely the oldest at 10 would have sought the brushes or questioned where they were??

Papplewapplewoo · 11/04/2018 09:57

THats gross.
I’m mid twenties and when I go and stay with my granny she buys me a new toothbrush and tells me to shower or bath every day 😂😂

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:10

I don't understand if toothbrushing is so important why you didn't mention it to either your dc or the inlaws? Confused

It would have cost nothing to tell PILs where the toothbrushes were.

Original poster
Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 10:19

I don't understand if toothbrushing is so important why you didn't mention it to either your dc or the inlaws? 

It would have cost nothing to tell PILs where the toothbrushes were.

Wtf?!? DH told DC1 (age 10) where they were packed. We had no idea until last night that this had totally escaped his mind and they hadn't been taken out of the bag. What do you mean "if toothbrushing is so important", course it's important but surely it's so bloody basic that you wouldn't need to mention it. If PIL had mentioned they couldn't find the toothbrushes DH could have told them where they were, that also would have cost them nothing. We don't send them with a great list of do's and dont's, we just expect basic daily hygiene practices to be adhered to, why wouldn't you?!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:23

Why aren't you annoyed with your 10 year old who knew where the brushes were? Confused

Original poster
Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 10:23

50's. We spoke to them once. Briefly via FaceTime but they were glued to a movie and what conversation there was related to what they had been doing. Lack of contact whilst they are there (other than looking at pics on FB to see what they are doing) is a whole different rant but one I've never bothered to pick because it didn't seem necessary as ultimately the kids were happy.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:24

Is this trip for childcare so you can work during the school holidays? Hmm

Original poster
Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 10:25

I AM annoyed with my 10 year, dopey bloody child. But ultimately she's 10 and they are in the care of actual adults.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 10:25

Have to be honest and say my kids wouldn't be going again, not overnight. Missing toothbrushing once or so over a week - meh, not a big deal. Not caring enough about the health of their teeth to feed them junk and then be too lazy to make a trip to the supermarket to buy toothpaste and brushes for little children, er, no. I would be furious.

Original poster
Pigeonpost · 11/04/2018 10:27

Is this trip for childcare so you can work during the school holidays? 

Oh do fuck off. It's not, no. I'm a SAHM. It's so the kids can have a meaningful relationship with their PIL who live at the other end of the country. Stop looking for bullshit reasons to turn this into something it isn't.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 10:27

Exactly, OP. They're not the Famous Five. You sent them to stay with apparently responsible adults. It doesn't matter that the ten year old didn't say anything; he should have done, but that isn't the point. You are absolutely right to be angry with their grandparents, who clearly failed in an important aspect of their care.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:31

Just wondered that's all. No need to tell me to fuck off. Just seems like any exscuse to have a go at your PILs 🤷‍♀️

As long as the kids are happy being well looked after and are having a nice time that's all that matters really.

Just hand over the toothbrushes to PILs next time when you drop of the dc.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:33

Pengggwn would expect to have to monitor 10 year old children to brush their teeth, in your care on a school trip?

Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 10:33

GreatDuckCookery

Pardon me?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:36

You're a teacher aren't you? If you were in charge of children on a residential trip would you be hovering over them making sure they'd brushed their teeth?

Shinycantle · 11/04/2018 10:36

I wouldn't term this "neglect" tbh but it is definitely a bit strange. Most adults in this situation would either (a) go through the cases with the DC and find the toothbrushes or (b) nip out to the nearest supermarket/chemist that night/the next morning. It sounds a bit lax and I'd be worried about the general level of care generally tbh ie are they "on alert" when DC in pool/on beach/crossing road etc etc. I am always over conscientious when I have visiting DC to stay; this seems a bit too relaxed for my liking. Are your pils getting a bit too elderly do you think? Three DC all at once can be a lot to handle when you are not used to it.

Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 10:37

GreatDuckCookery

Oh, go away.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 10:38

Take that as a no then.

KittTheCar · 11/04/2018 10:39

DD has the enamel thing as well and it's really not good.

For that child brushing is in the same light as something like applying a cream to ezcema, or changing a dressing or something. Rather than just oh teeth brushing for a normal kid.

For a normal kid though a week is awful. And saying to use their tooth brushes is gross. I think you need to accept that they are not very interested in stuff like that, so either the kids will need to take responsibility themselves, or really they can't go.

MyKingdomForBrie · 11/04/2018 10:42

‘Neglect’ oh my god.. some of you don’t know you’re alive.

‘The kind of shit they pull’ - what a sentence to write about loving grandparents who just cared for your children for a week. They presumably didn’t know DC weren’t using their brushes - I can see why they wouldn’t want to but you’re massively over reacting, I would guess you don’t like PIL.

Just ask about teeth next time they stay and show dc where brushes are packed.

Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 10:42

GreatDuckCookery

Don't. It isn't.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread